My Confrontation on Women

I wrote this up a while ago, but forgot to upload. So here it is.

alrighty then

EDIT** I actually meant Rupunsel... but whatever

Flippin my shit

No advice in this entry today, at least not in a bulleted form.

No, this one is about my hatred towards all things retarded. Lets start with the subway. If You's a big bitch, dont fudging walk in the middle of the walkway trottling along with your 50 pound ass like you aint got a care in the world and just ignoring the rules of etiquette subway riding. This Fudging big whore walks up the steps in the exit that is connected to the building where i work , slowing down other people who actually have a job and a place to be at, and has the nerves to dig in her 10 dollar ghetto fab bag for her damn cellphone. Bitch there isnt recepting in the subway in case you didnt notice, and moreover, Move the fuck over you walking tow truck! When she finally climbs her way up and everyone else behind her ginormous buttface, flee off like ants escaping a flooded anthole from someone pissin on it, she decides to just stand there. Blindly poking through her phone at 8:45 in the morning, like someone would pick up and answer her ebonic voice. You porky bitch, let me do you a favor and just tell you straight up that your fingers are too fucking fat, thats the reason why you can't seem to call the right person you big hoe. Do yourself a favor and park your cellulite fanny over to the side, cause um .. you dont even work here and they dont have a double door exit in this building, so theres no way out for you.

Bathroom etquette, i would is the most crucial rule to learn in the corporate industry. You dont laugh, when the CEO walks in and decides to let one rip. Even if the stench travels through the stall and races up your nostrils and straightens out your hair, you hold that shit in. But if it were anyone else... your ass should be like - What the fuck ? in the loudest voice possible! or you cough like you just choked on a rock. * COUGH COUGH * * barf! bbbarf! * and rush out the stall , forget flushing and washing your hands, just run for the door and slam it behind you. Then you wait politely outside the bathroom and look at your nails when she walks out. Thats when you can walk back in to flush and wash your hands. You can do all of that, because the person who farted clearly violated potential public breathing rights when they released toxic waste in the air. But what you can't do ? You DONT go into a stall next to another stall that's being in use already unless there are no other stalls available. You can either go to the very last one on the far end, or skip one stall over. The fuck are you thinking when you pop into a stall next to someone who is in the middle of pissin and decide to take a damn shit? Is it music to my ears when i listen to you push feces out of your bunghole? Or is it like raindrops pittering and pattering when your crap drops to the bottom of the bowl and makes a splash? Then you roll and roll the tissue to wipe your slimy butt like you dont CARE about the trees that died going into the makings of that tissue roll! YOU BITCH! I should rip open the tissue dispenser, discharge the roll and THROW it at your head! then yell , YOU TREE KILLING HIPPIE! I will tell you something else bothers me very much as work about bathroom epics. There is this lady that ALWAYS goes into the first stall. But before she goes, she walks over to the dispeser for hand towels, you know the one that is nailed to the wall next to the sink, brown recycled paper, and you pull down a lever a few times to get it out? Well , she walks over, and ... swoosh swoosh swoosh, rip . swoosh swoosh swoosh rip. swoosh swoosh swoosh rip. Mind you that this is a good 5 feet long worth of paper she just accumulated. Then she brings the paper into her favorite stall, and takes a shit. NO damn JOKE! Does Hand towel paper do a better job at picking up feces bits? and what does she eat everyday that she takes a shit everytime Im in the bathroom? Why does she need 5 feets worth of paper?? I will never know, and never die happily till i find out. But that damn sound.... is forever burned in my ears. I can recognize that its her whenever i hear the swoosh. I am so damn tempted to just knock on her stall and just ask - Excuse me, but i really want to know if brown recycled paper does a better job versus regular toilet paper, and  do you use this stuff at home too? I would try for myself, but i've got a sensitive asshole.

The dude at Pret a Manger is really pissin me off these days. He's my regular go to get my coffee guy until recently when the weather has been getting warmer, and i've been wearing less. I walk to the cashier and ask for my coffee as i normally do Mon-Fri. Usually im in my coat and jacket and whatnot and he gives me my shit and i go on with my pathetic work life. But these past couple of weeks... he's been a real perverted slow dipshit. .... I go ,

Me: Hi! Small Coffee please. He stares at my head... then looks me up and down.. smiles pervertedly. Um, small coffee please! Dude is still responding to me and like says..

Pret Guy: Hi how are you today? *smiley face*.

Me: Oh im good im good, One small Coffee please. 

Pret guy:  Oh yeah ? Nice weather - Stares some more...

Me: GIMME MY FUDGING COFFEE YOU DAMN PRET MAN! I want coffeee!! coffee , coffee!! Dont make me poke your eyes out you salivating old man! COFFEE I TELL YOU! You give me my drugs or i will beat you to a pulp! You hear? NO ANGEL WINGS HERE BUDDY!

Sentences one through four really happens often , that last one is something that i've been wanting to do for a while now... perhaps in the near future. I am feeling like my coffee is costing me more than $1.79 lately, i feel like i should get some of back cause im a human show for this goldfish prick.

Yeah whatevers , theres some other crap thats really the reason behind all this fire in me. Like how i got scammed out of a 100 bucks to some 5 foot hairy mofo. I will really beat this kid out of his hair. You watch out "Scatty Bang" soon you will feel the threshold of multiple chopsticks thriving up your bunghole.

I've been swearing a lot more than usual lately, but its okay guys. I read in an article that swearing boosts morale!! Hooray for that! Its okay to use foul and nasty language in my context here. At least its well written and nicely put. Why are guys allowed to cuss and women who do are just rude? Double standarding is a damn sin I tell you!  I can probably say that my use of foul language in this entry, was in a better used form then any other male specimen that is online on my Buddy List right now - that should count for something right? :)  

Payce!

Jen

Off The Radar

Been neglecting you my dear, i've been quite busy at work and cannot seem to stray away long enough to write anything up. My apologies now.

So it seems that i've been having some relationship problems of my own for quite some time now, and even I cannot seem to figure out why things go , the way they do. I have a decison to make that will decide how i will walk my path for a good number of years, being me... i tend to worry ahead of time. I was starting to feel like i was straying away from it all, trying to get some new perspective and a fresh change for once. Only to realize that what i really desired deep down , was a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on, and someone to count on.

What will last for a lifetime, and not just a fraction of time in your life.

Helping hand - Men really need to step up to thier positions, Know your role and do it right. A relationship is definetly all about team work, the ability to get from one end to the other - faster. To do that you need a lot of communication and the desire to really want to help. Communicaion comes in a lot of forms, it doesnt necessarily mean that you have to talk your way through, body language, hand motion, even feelings can act as a form of communication. Reach out your hand and sincerely help your equal half, otherwise what sets you apart from a total stranger?

Shoulder to lean on -  If you were ever down at some time in your life, you'd know that when things get ruff and theres nothing to be done to amend for it , what you really need is a shoulder to lean on to get you through those hard times. Emotional and spiritual affection is more likely to be more effective in boosting your self confidence rather than giving advice or physically trying to make things work. How do you make logical decisions when your emotions are unstable? You would need to at least have calmed down and feel optimistic about things to make better reasoning, offer your shoulder whenever it is needed, be that best friend who doesnt ask reasons why all the time, just give and offer when you're asked to. When all is lost and you have nothing left, at least you have each other to comfort.

Someone to count on - I think this is the combination of the first two, the epitomy of it all , the core and center of the thesis. When you can't be counted on - regardless if you are a friend to her, or the equal half. You cannot be trusted on and theres practically nothing left. No Hope, No Trust, No Relationship. You shouldnt lie if you dont have to, and if you do ... do it sincerely. Trust is such an importatnt factor for all things regarding and not regarding relationships. When you say you're going to do something , you should realize that you are being counted on to keep your word. Real men dont back out on thier words. Men who do , are coniving pussys. (excuse me) Differentiate what is important to you, what should be important to you, and what should come first on your list. This does not go to say that you should do all that come in priority according to numerical factoring, but you should at least listen to your head and use your logical reasoning to guide you to make the better decisions. Dont fudging go chill with your friends till 4am when your girlfriend is at home waiting you to to warm up the bed. Dont step out to smoke a ciggarette and leave all your shit for your girlfriend to carry because you dont have a free hand. If you dont know how to do something, like fix a drain or screw a lightbulb .. GO LEARN! As long as you have the sincerety to want to help , and want to know how ... Women will never look over that factor about you and will always reward you generously. I kid you not. Women dont forget, we only learn to forgive. Live in fear fellas.  

Taken for granted - Now unless you have some dumb bitch for a girlfriend, an Asian bimbo if you will... women generally will hate being taken for granted the most. I cook dinner for you, the least you can do is say thank you, you buttwipe! I fold your laundry and clean up your RIDICULOUSY ( i meant the lousy :) ) dirty ass room, dont you dare just sit there and act like its suppose to happen cause its my job. I will put rat poisoning all alongside your walls if you dont get your act straight! I dress up , in this nice outfit that took me days to find and put on this dolly makeup for you, and you dont even compliment me on how banging i look tonight? Not only are you not getting some tonight, but not tomorrow , not next week and not next MONTH either!

Get my drift here?

So yeah , I've been on and off about certain things - quite mostly on moving out or staying in. I havent been chilling as much and i just feel so tired from it all. Why some people talk the way they do , annoys me and confuses the hel outta me how they manage to make friends. This goes to show that friends are always unconditionally loving. You can be the biggest cock, and you will have at least one good buddy to vent it all out about. Keep your closest friends at heart people, know your social group and seperate yourself from the ones that can slow you down. Can't be nice to everyone, and you can't be forgving to all either.

11:51 pm - time to sleep .... so old ....

Can we go home now?

I was much infused with anger, enough to write up an entry today until I remembered a certain blog my co-worker writes up and am now too confused and hyped up to write anything that is coherant to what I had orginally intended to crap about. While I still have some fire left in me, lets take this dump quick.

Some characteristics that Women will never find attractive in Men

1) Cheapo - You cheap bastard, I know that rich men dont get rich by being generous 24/7 but as Cartman would say it to Kenny "No girl wants to eat Pop Tarts for dinner every night when you get married dude".

2) Religous MTA Rider - I get the fact that durng the weekdays we take the train to the city cause of convenience and would be a waste of time to find parking, but why do we have to take the train to like COSTCO and pick up a truck load of ARMY SIZED groceries that we use COUPONS ( note #1 characteristic ) to get with and then drag it all the way back to the subway ride home because you refuse to rent a car and would be a blasphemy to cheat on the MTA with your already purchased unlimited monthly metrocard.

3) Weak spot for sales on like.. everything - Why must we purchase the 12 pack of Kleenex tissues rather than the 6 pack for the difference of 2 dollars? Why do we need that huge effin 10 pound bag of pre-cooked chicken wings when we dont even REALLY eat them in the first place, but since its on sale and its a GREAT deal, we must do whats right and purchase it! TWO in fact! and one that I REALLY dont get, WHY do we need TWO tubs of butter?? Put it back, I dont even use butter that often! NO WE CAN'T!, it comes in a double... and its almost the same price as the Army size Cottage cheese tub, Cottage cheese is usually significantly pricier than butter in most grocery stores, we're getting a deal!

4) Beating the system - Look man , just because we decided to go for the all you can eat sushi, doesnt meant that this is a competition between YOU, the SUSHI STORE and the SYSTEM. You calculate to me while readin the menu and analyzing the pricing in which how much one piece is worth and then stir up a RIDICULOUS number in which you think that you will be getting your money's worth by eating that amount. HOWEVER - being that you are a ignorant man, and CHEAP, and having a WEAK SPOT for sales, you figure that you must not only get your moneys worth , but you absolutely must eat enough to have doubled the worth to get back at the system! You calculate that at $19.50 for All You Can Eat at the Tokyo Cafe, you will need to consume oh..... 25 pieces of sushi to get your moneys worth , this does not include at LEAST one helping of soup, salad, edamame and green tea. Seeing that it is also included in the package and will be a waste not to have some. Conclusion? You barf right when you get to the car, and while panting and gurlging raw fish out of your mouth, you flail your hands up and bicker at me , why i didnt stop you from eating all that damn fish and rice, and swear that you will never touch another piece in your life. However we plan to go back in two weeks to try and beat it again.

5) Checking yourself out whenever you get the chance - we're walking, walking, walking... you catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of a department store window, as we try to cross the street when the walking man lights up on the street sign, you fail to notice the pole, in front of the trash can, in front of the man who is curbing his dog, in front of the puddle that is left from the dog that just pissed there. Soooo... you give yourself a silent PROPZ to your good looks, and oooooh, noticed the pole! and dodged immediately to avoid embarassment and a trip to the hospital, BUT then as you dodge the pole, half of your body bangs against the trash can as you do a 45 degree turn and bump into the man who is curbing his dog and then happily stepped in the puddle of piss that the dog has left for you. Nice going good looking.

I've been sick lately cause of effin allergies and to top it off, I've got work and school. When does it end? How much longer does this road go? I conclude that I will suffer from a serious eye infection of some sort in the near 2-3 years from having to stare at the screen for more than 11 hours a day. With that being said, I will need to save my pennies for an upcoming eye surgery, and be close pals with someone who has already signed thier name in the back of thier drivers license stating that they will be donors when they die from a car accident. I will then proceed to have them donate thier pupils to me and now will i only buy ONE color for every article of clothing i will get, so that when i become blind, i will not be mismatched. =) Its either that, or i quit my job and skip off to a remote island with my blackberry and laptop and a box of my favorite mee goreng picture noodles that i get from the asian market becaus we all know that Picture noodles is the healthiest shit ever.

I very much like the second idea better, as i have just purchased at least 30 single packs of picture noodles last week and is now sitting on top of my shoes because i have no place to put it. mmmmm tasty =)

The False Accusations of Beauty