When the word 'epiphany' is used, the user seems like an insincere attention whore . . .

Its over with us. Just waiting for it to fall apart, counting down the months and days until i can be free. This is just one more reason to be overjoyed to leave home. I thought it would hold me back, now it helps to urge me on.

I am frustrated, out of words, cynical, tired of it all, trying not to say 'i told you so', depressed because its not yet over and im yet so close.

Freedom is within reach. But i hold myself back trying to do the 'nice' thing, the 'right' thing.

This is just plain mental.

I'm going to WCU (Western Carolina University) This fall. I'm really excited about it. I'm excited to be going off and doing something new, something exciting, something important. Freedom will have its restraints and requirements and set backs, but thats ok with me. Freedom is not free, but its worth everything i could ever pay. My problem now is having something to leave, something to miss, something i will certainly lose forever when i go. Something precious and irreplaceable.

 Someone.

I had no reason to miss my home, no reason to regret, to reason to feel loss, or worry about change. I embraced it all. Anything that would change, would be for the better, any separation would not be permanent, or it would be for the better. No risk of losing the friendships i cherished nearest and dearest to my heart. No longer. I sit and i ponder. I know the path i will take, how i must retain my resolve, and do what is best for myself and not be weak for the luxury of the moment. I will not settle for less than my best efforts and then some.

Its hard to walk alone down the trail through no mans land. I hope that i might find a companion, one who understands, one who walks a road like my own. One who will walk with me in the silence, in tears, in the joy, in the pain, through it all. A soul who sees what i see. I have a feeling that i'm going to be walking alone for a long, long time yet.

Currently Listening Duality By Ra see related

I hope you read this(but i won't say who 'you' are)

I know there's a lot i never said. A lot i never expressed. Not because i didn't think you would understand, or continue to accept me. I have faith in your judgements, and the understanding you have. I just feel ashamed, embarrassed, or  inadequate. I don't want you to see me in more of my weakness than you have. You've seen more than most people could ever imagine. I feel like i haven't given thanks when they are due, but really i'm more grateful than you might ever have guessed. You listen, you understand, and you try and help. I wish there was something i could give in return.

I can talk to you about anything. You're the only person that i can tell some of this stuff. The only person i can honestly share some of these stories with. And yet its hard to keep in touch. Its great how we see eye to eye on so many things, but on the things we disagree about we can discuss it (and somewhat if not rather intelligently), and we can accept, and respect each other's opinions.

The world would be a much better place with more people like you in it.

I haven't used this in forever.

My news- Senior year of high school, applied to BYU, and WCU. Accepted to BYU and waiting to hear back again from WCU. There's a lot more going on that people don't see, and could never dream of. I know what i want from life, i know what i can give it, and to others. I know my possibilities and limitations better than ever. I see how we hurt others accidently and purposefully. I appear weak and foolish to some because i would give my good will and best wishes to all. i would see and try to help develop the best i see in those who would try and hurt me. They don't realize what i give, i give willingly and there is no pain to me. No loss, only the reassurance of effort put forth. The calm of having tried my best. I need no longer argue with others, or constantly share my opinions, ideas or feelings because there is great wisdom in silence and reflection. My silence is stronger than all the lies and evil of the world. Stronger because it is focused on a peace and a calm that cannot be taken from me. Fixed realities are for those too foolish, weak, or coarse for perceptions.

Find joy in things you hate, in things that tire you, bother you, or don't usually make you happy. Realizing and appreciating what we have, and how even in small ways we can become great is an excellent way to brighten any day and provide motivation. Finding the right kind of love to give and to have for the world in every situation i encounter can solve for me any problem.