damn, July has been really busy, and it's only the end of the first week.

Week 1:
Tuesday, July 1: Finals for Software and Math, study for Hardware final
Wednesday, July 2: Final for hardware, show up to software and math
Thursday, July 3: last day of work before vacation starts, MSF classroom session (530p - 1030p)
Friday, July 4: Helped Ernie with the bike (took most of the day), did some BBQing at the house
Saturday, July 5: Find boots for riding session, first day of riding session (1-6p), Jill's Bday dinner at Claimjumper
Sunday, July 6: Second day of riding session, final evaluation (PASSED!! :D), visit Catherine in Tracy
Monday, July 7: Jill's bday, went to Seacliff, dinner at the house, bowling with the cousins

And then there's more to come. I'm off for the next two weeks, so I hardly think I'm gonna get any rest. For the remainder of this week, there's more bowling, Edgie's, more bike riding with Ernie, and maybe the beach again. Jill and I were trying to plan a trip to Reno with the entire family (my mom's side of course) this coming weekend, but we couldn't find a place that would've been suitable for everyone to go. We might end up going and staying at Silver Legacy, but nothing's final. And I'm so broke right now, I can't wait till the next payday. Someone take care of me for a change!!

i dont wanna jinx anything (like i normally do) but things are working out for the better. this is the happiest i've been in a long time. and even tho we're still working on a lot of things, the most important thing is we're workin on it. i know that he has things he doesn't wanna tell me. and yes, sometimes i say or do stupid things to find out what those things are. but i just dont want anymore secrets. no more lies. i think for things to work, we have to start with a clean slate, even if it means bringing up the worst in our past. because then i can come to an understanding about him and his flaws. i know some things i cant change, and i can live with that. i just wanna know if this is rite... if what we're getting into is gonna stay good.

things are different and i can feel it. and it's a good feeling. something i've been wishing for in the past eleven months. we really are taking baby steps in the rite direction. some days two steps backwards, but we get rite back into the groove of things and things are always better.

i'm just glad that we're a family again.

i think too much. so maybe i'm over-analyzing things. or maybe i'm not. all i know is, i'm scared to death about what the future holds. coz i'm still wondering what the plan is gonna be. i thought maybe i came to one, but it's not set in stone. and i dont wanna wait to see what'll happen. i like knowing what's gonna happen. or at least know that, whatever it is i wanna do, i can do it without thinking twice about it.

i dunno. i cant even put into words what im thinking or feeling. i HATE having mixed feelings about something.

bike. (new) car. (my own) apartment. some of the things i wish i had right now. damn, i hate money (only coz i dont have any). but, i'm slowly getting there as far as saving up for those things. give me about a year and i'll probably be there (i hope). school will be done with (but then i'll have to start paying off my loans), and i'll be out of the house (and maybe even out of the state).

in other news, it's the same old shit different day. i need some reassurance... that things are gonna be rite this time. i dont wanna find anymore skeletons in the closet. i dont wanna know about excess baggage. i dont wanna have to deal with going through another headache, another heartbreak. it all comes down to will power. having the power to have the will to get up and go. something i dont have but want to have. i think i just want too many things.

fuck it, i'm done for now

ready to erase

replace

the memories

good or bad

become unknown

u wont find me

im just gonna pick up and leave

with her

and only her

so here's a big FUCK YOU

to the people that told me they would be a "friend"

where were u wen i needed someone?

thank u to the handful that i can call 'friend'

but wut u say wont make me stick around

i just wanna be lost

just another face in the crowd

wen we leave, i want to be a blur

and eventually, a faded memory