"but listen! I'm fucked up now. don't ask why, yall .. sometimes the best medicine is to cry, yall // know what i'm sayin ? excuse my voice fans, that should be a sign that identify with what i'm sayin.." - joe buddens
Everyone goes through a time when he/she experiences a rude awakening.. We never appreciate the people closest to us until we lose em.. My moms and I always had problems, which resulted in Jaynu being shipped to Texas.. During my trip back home, I watched my mom work.. never had I realize the woman work sooo hard for every dollar.. My mom fell ill, and I stayed with her.. I think during those few days, we bonded more than we ever had... This woman I saw was coughin red and pink, seein blue and green, and I, the son, was watching.. I promised my mother that I'll make something of myself and she'll be the first person to profit from it.. She smiled at me as I kept my serious face.. I want my mother to experience heaven on earth.. meaning, I want that PAPER quick..
"cause it was yo shit added to the dudes that wanna see me fall // nah!! fuck it, i won't fall // let me talk to all you dudes prayin that i lose it all // i ain't come this far to fall... "
Seems like my dick is gettin bigger with all these people bein on it.. I watched some niggas "sarcastically askin when the CDs droppin," and watched them talk behind my back.. 2 of my closest niggas at one time.. How is that possible... 8 yrs down the drain.. Next towards to some skutchiesss.. I watched some females deepthroated my shit just so they can get somethin from me or meet someone.. dickfaces!! My trip back home was full of people laughin, those people that don't believe I can make somethin of myself.. as Lenny.. he would say, "Then how he won all those battles?"
My sister had recently told me something very disturbin and why she's "sick." I watched as the ambulance came and took her.. Something more to push me.. pray with me, guys !!
"radios, studios, photo shoots // she think i'm fuckin any girl that say i'm oh so cute // don't appreciate a man when you lose em // worse thing to do to an innocent man is accuse em ...."
There is a certain individual that I want to fall asleep with forever.. I want to see her in my dreams and have her still there when I awake.. There is no other, and if you believe in me.. There will be no other..
"i'm like ya #1 fan. Damn!! i ain't think joe would see you // youse a fantasy.. i wasn't supposed to meet you // nah! chances of that was so unlikely .. that if we did meet, you wasn't supposed to like me..."
and sometimes, I would look at her and think about how lucky I must be.. "Everytime the cell rings, I would wish her name pop up." When my head lays back on my leather chair, I would ponder about us.. The thought is beautiful as it is.. nevertheless, the relationship.. I want to wife her.. but at times, I would feel 2 worlds apart.. and I would wonder do you feel the same?
"see! she had a man, I had a girl // i broke up with mine and around that same time // we was hangin out she neva laid her hand on me.. but i can tell from the way she glanced at me // her look said, "baby boy, somethin hampers me." // and it would go down but i got my man with me.. lord, how can it be.. you know, i never been the dude to break up a happy family... "
I was someone with love trouble and she saw me.. She talked to me, and I swear her lips told me EVERYTHING.. haha.. It was a cold day and my hands slipped in hers.. Then we hugged, and then we made a date.. That morning we laid together on the floor.. and i slowly crept on her body and we made love... I ain't know I was supposed to wife her.. but I did.. and now I'm so far in.. 6 feet deep.. but with a smile on my face.. that's for sure..
"Just gimme 10 minutes.. I just need 10 minutes alone // to not deal with a thing, to not answer the phone // to end my two way, end the shit in the streets .. let me smoke this one cig in peace... gimme 10 minutes.. without yall comin with that bull // sometimes, that's all it takes to ruin my last pull.. and right now, that's what got this kid at ease.. let me smoke this one cig in peace.."
There isn't anything new to this entry... Just the feelings I get during my "10 minutes." and before I end this entry I would like to add : I love my moms so much, and I wished I loved her more the last 17 years..
if yall could, pray for the sick in all of our lives.. | 
.. So this is what's up.. Jaynu is in Queens in an internet cafe with his enyce patched up and faded jeans with some jordans and a patched up enyce shirt w/ his white / blue clippers fitted.. It's fun walking around waiting for Zysa to get out of school to help me find the sneaker spot.. AYO.. it's the 4th day I've been here and I'm already worried about getting booted back to Htown.. Well, gots to take EVERY chance to have fun herrrrrr I guess.. damn.. still got that Htown slurrrrrr... Just found Annie walking around, but she didn't recognize me.. she just looked at me and passed.. Guess she was intimidated to look closer 'caues of my beauty... 