I used to be a really big skeptic of Social Networking sites in college. Actually, when Friendster and Facebook came out I sort of mocked people who used these sites (secretly signing up to an account of my own of course). I thought it was just a ploy for people to not talk face to face anymore or to sit in front of their computers for more hours in the day. But in the last two years I've come to appreciate sites like Facebook - I quote Facebook because I'm not yet quite a fan of MySpace, but maybe its just that I'm getting old. Facebook has reconnected me with so many friends from the past - elementary, middle school, and high school that I thought were long gone from my life. But it's been such a blessing and quite an amazement to be able to hang out with some of these people and be able to share my life with them again. So all this to say that I will stop mocking Social Networking sites as they definitely have their place in the world today.

Ladies Night

So I went to Supperclub SF this past week. If you haven't been here, it's definitely an interesting experience. A few girlfriends and I wanted to hang out and have a good time out in the city. So after some research, city search had recommended Supperclub as one of the best spots in the city to have a ladies night out. And as an added bonus, Supperclub was a Dine About Town restaurant. My thoughts are that it is very over-rated, disappointing in entertainment and food alike, but a great concept. Basically this restaurant had a brilliant concept of providing a sensual dining experience, but did not know how to execute. They have a completely white washed dining room where guests sit on "beds" that surround the perimeter of the dining area. Guests remove their shoes and each "table" has a shared breakfast-in-bed-like eating table. All guests get served at the same time and the idea is that there is constantly entertainment in the center of the room as we dine. However, the entertainment was understatingly sub par and mediocre. But all in all, when you go out with the ladies, it's always a good time either way.

Car

So it's official, my car is a LEMON. I'm getting a new fully loaded mini cooper s this month. And yes, his name is Bartholomew II. Pictures to follow.

Hair

I permed my hair. I like it...I've always wanted wavy hair. However, the lady who cut it (this is why i never go to asian hair stylists) gave me a typical asian woman cut. I hope my stylist can fix it somehow.

What have I been doing?

I've mainly been busy with my side job, reconnecting with people from the past, work, and helping with lots of wedding stuff.

 

End of my random blurbs.

So I've been watching Cashmere Mafia lately. Decent show, not as interesting as SATC, but entertaining. It triggered a question to me of why the modern day woman is so uptight, so not willing to open up, so self absorbed, so ...scary or unapproachable to men. In light of the upcoming V word day (yes this is my annual post about Vday), why does the modern woman detest the idea of a fantasy romance? Because she has control issues, she thinks she can control her emotions. Let me clarify. By romanticizing or fantasizing about the perfect romantic guy, she is setting herself up for disaster and disappointment (or at least this is what her brain/heart tells her from past experiences). Therefore, the logical solution is to outwardly rid herself of any desire or need to have someone do these things for her. It makes her seem dependent, it makes her seem vulnerable and weak. So we spit at the idea of romance (at least outwardly we do). Our faith in guys have really decreased making us (I say us in the general sense of womankind) "ice women" as they'd say in Elf. Sad isn't it? So we continue to protect ourselves, protect our scarred emotions by not wanting, by being the strong independent women that we're told to be. But the truth is guys...we want to give in. Surprise surprise. Will we be disappointed? Most likely. But its no reason to deny ourselves what we're made for. We're created to be romanced.

Just a thought.

After some quality hang out time with some friends and overhearing some conversations at work, there's been a resounding theme that had me thinking. Is your life really over once you have a child. Do you really loose your own adult identity after having kids. Someone at work was just saying that they haven't been to the movies in over 3 years and finally got a baby sitter and went to the movies this past weekend. Who would've thought!? So here's my thought process: if having children is such an amazing thing in life, why do so many people put off negative connotations of having kids? "There's so much to do before I want to settle down", "Having kids is pretty much the end of life as you know it"...is this really true? There was this one episode in SATC where Miranda and Carrie are supposed to hang out and all Miranda can talk about is the baby and how she can't sleep and their habits, etc. Miranda catches herself and realizes that she's not even capable of having an adult conversation anymore. But it's TOTALLY true. I find this happening a lot with new parents, especially when they're in the young career age. AND as a single friend who loves children, I don't mind talking about kids and this new stage in your life, but it's all about balance. I want to hear about what's going on in my friend's lives especially as as it's something new in their life, but at the same time, it's nice to have an adult conversation every now and then as well. It's kind of like single friends vs. married/dating friends. I think a lot of single friends tend to get annoyed at their dating/married friends because they're "coupled" and they feel left out or feel as if they've lost their friend. Again, it's about balance (on both ends). Don't hate on your married/dating friends. They've entered a new stage in their life and need/want your support and friendship just as much as when they were single. Don't make the assumption that they're always occuppied or busy with their new S.O. because I think most people would jump at the opportunity to have a girls/guys night out. As for the dating/married folks, make an effort. Your life has changed (and no one is blaming you...in fact, I think most of your friends are happy for you) but you're going to have to be the one to make the extra effort whether you like it or not. The dating/married people are always on the short end of the deal. They look bad regardless of the situation. Either you're spending too much time with your S.O., or you want to hang out with your friends but they don't call you or ask because they think you're too busy.

Back to the original question though about your life ending after kids...it's all perspective. Some people value having kids over success in career or "freedom" if you will, in their own single lives. In this day and age, people don't value motherhood or parenthood quite as much as they used to. It's sad. I don't devalue the joy of raising kids and having a family at all. I'm amazed by people who can handle that and still maintain some sort of personal life aside from their children's life. But at the end of the day, it's about choices and balance. You either rise to the top of the corporate ladder or you invest your time into your family and children. I've come to realize you can't have your cake and eat it too. At least not in this day and age. And even if by some random string of luck or by the grace of God, you are able to have your cake and eat it too...you're so tired from it all that you can't even enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

All this ranting and raving to say this: in your 20's you have a whole spectrum of friends - friends who are entering the working world for the first time, those who are dating for the first time, those who are getting married, and those who are having children for the first time. Your friends are still your friends regardless of what stage of life they're experiencing at the moment. You may not understand their issues or what it's like to get up at 2 in the morning to a crying baby every night, but try to understand to the best of your ability. Your friends will appreciate it. The 20's are full of "firsts" and if your friends can't walk you through it, then who can?

Ok. The end of my ranting for the day.

Subtle Glances is introducing our first line of letterpress Christmas Cards and gift tags! This year we were inspired by vintage and modern traditions alike. To order please visit our shop at Etsy (pricing available here - S/H not included). However, since you are a faithful xanga reader and most likely a friend of mine, please place your orders directly at mail@subtleglances.com We're selling box sets of 12 and 24 A2 sized cards complete with envelopes.