The only understanding I want

Finals week.

On Monday, I studied on the second floor of CIEMAS, more formally known as the Center for Interdisciplinary Engineering, Medicine, and Applied Sciences (sounds brilliant, doesn't it? :D). Earlier, I had searched in vain for a comfortable niche in Bostock - my study spot of choice - but every floor was packed with budding intellectuals, and there was no place where I could shamelessly switch between my financial accounting notes and next month's edition of InStyle (which, just in case you're curious, features such tantalizing headlines as Best New Jeans: Find Your Perfect Pair and Swimsuit Shopping Guide: Look Hot, Feel Great). As I rode the elevator back down to the first floor, I pondered over my options. For a brief moment, it seemed that my room in Kilgo, with the bay window overlooking the quad and the mini-fridge stocked with four kinds of gourmet cheese, would win me over. But the recollection that tomorrow I would be tested on my knowledge of financial accounting, not my ability to appreciate the subtleties of fine cheese, soon called me back to reality, and opening my umbrella with a decisive snap, I walked down the steps toward Engineering Land.

Finding a table on the second floor, I spread out my notes, put in my earphones, and buckled down to tackle a statement of cash flow. But the green bar on my ipod had barely crawled to its midpoint before I found myself looking out the window at the solemn landscape below. A familiar thought crossed my mind – Duke wears the weather well. The sidewalks, buildings, and tree trunks had been darkened by the rain so that the greenness of the grass and leaves stood out in sharp relief. In the gloom of a miserably wet afternoon, they seemed to cry, we are alive. The perfect setting for a gothic romance novel, something of the Wuthering Heights or Jane Eyre persuasion. Now all we need is a Rochester or a Heathcliff.

My thoughts progressed to another picture, quite different in subject and space, but somehow inextricably connected to the current landscape. A couple weeks ago, we celebrated Ben Wu’s birthday at the local bowling alley. We made a merry (this word seems oddly out of place in the spring :D) group, competing and clapping wildly after each turn, regardless of how many pins actually fell. During one of these turns, I stepped up to bowl, released the ball, realized it had nowhere to go but the gutter, and then promptly turned around to select another ball. When I turned around, though, the picture that greeted me made me pause, even if for just a moment. I saw our group of friends smiling broadly back at me, their expressions conveying a mixture of amusement and sympathy for the failed attempt, and encouragement for the next one. But in that moment, I wasn’t thinking about the ball in the gutter, or the next attempt, or bowling at all for that matter. All my thoughts converged into one: this is how I want to remember Duke. This is the understanding and the memory that I want. I wish Harry Potter-style pictures – the ones where the subjects are animated and actively wave at you from inside the frame – existed in real (or, I should say, muggle) life. I would like to have something like that with me always, to look at and admire and love.

Time to accompany Liz to Target now. We’ve promised each other that we won’t buy anything that’s not absolutely necessary. We’ll see how that goes… :D Good luck on finals!

To me, you are perfect

Let's kick off our shoes and wade through the night

Brush your bittersweet shoulders off

I got back home this Monday, the 17^th, and I’ve been busy catching up on the best parts of life. I love the feeling of having a lot of little things to do; of being busy taking care of yourself and others. Like this morning – I woke up at around 9:30 (it’s such a luxury being able to wake up without the alarm clock), rolled out of bed, ate a persimmon and drank some honey water, and then headed to Beck for a morning run with Benjamin (still Ben Xiang, but for some reason, I’ve taken a fancy to calling him by his formal name). Today was one of those perfect winter days in Texas. The sky blazoned the cleanest blue, the sun beamed its approval, and the cool breeze gently ushered me forward. Feeling nostalgic (and also because the track was closed due to resurfacing), we ran three Bulldog Miles on the grassy fields behind Beck. Down the field, through the pine trees, around the batting cage, next to the telephone poles, along the track fence (with the same barking dog), through the pine trees, down the slight slope, all the way to the basketball courts. No, don’t stop! Walk it off! It felt a bit like we were retracing our childhood. Of course, all this wasn’t running through my mind at the time; instead, I was thinking about how silly I must look with my mouth hanging open; how to avoid the patches of wet grass; if I would ever get a two-pack. I wonder if Ben was thinking the same? haha. After three miles, we circled the tennis courts, and I asked Ben what his post-graduation plans were. He told me he would be working for Cisco in San Jose. I was very happy for him –happier than even he was, I think –and also indignant that he hadn’t told me when he found out months ago. “You never asked!” Well, no point arguing. It took awhile for me to fully absorb the impact of what he had said. A job may just seem like a job – but this is Ben’s first real job. He’ll be earning a steady income, living by himself in San Jose, and being a real grown-up. WOW. Thinking about it makes me smile and catch my breath at the same time. I can’t believe it…the boy I met in my French class in 7^th grade. Twenty-one now, about to graduate in a few months and start on a real job. Mind-boggling, isn’t it?

Too school for cool