Junko_chan's Xanga

Monday, January 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 12:27:39 GMT

Dear Diary,

It is the final week of my winter break, Jan. 2, 2007. The first quarter of college flew by. I finished with a 3.73 gpa, which is...believe me... a lot better than I thought it would be. I have low self-esteem when it comes to the academia world. I have made up my mind to believe that I'm not brilliant. I do not say this because I beg for pity, I say this because I've assessed my brain to see that it is true. However, my friend William seems to think otherwise:

William: if you have a mind and can use for other than keeping up with fashion
and gossip and can think for yourself you are brilliant and bright, you are a light
to those who can't.

An inspiring comment. I think he was referring to me. Anyway, I am switching my major. If all goes well, I will be auditioning into the music program this spring quarter. I've been told that beyond my current age it is difficult to excel at an instrument. I believe in this full-heartedly, which is why I've decided to dive back into they mystical word of music - and I do not say that out of mockery. When I play music I am infused with a creative energy. I want to re-explore this area and hopefully do something I can be proud of.

But what about beyond music? My major will be music education. Apparently this is my "fall-back" profession. I will start taking science classes and see how it goes. Do not question my motives: I am not pre-med or pre-dent. I am pre-I don't have a clue. Okay?

New Years Eve in Japan was a happy time for my family. We walked to a temple in Higashi-Yodogawa and hit the gong at midnight. We laughed and whistled... life couldn't feel more complete. If I could have requested anything at that moment it would have been a kiss from my boyfriend. So, I tried to imagine it, but as you must know, imagining isn't nearly as good as the real thing.

Speaking of my boyfriend, he came out to Japan for the first week of Christmas break. It was incredible. My grandfather (Ojiichan) has been sick with terminal cancer (stomach) for some time. This was Tim's last opportunity to meet him before his death, and he seized it. Somehow he scrounged up the money to do it. He flew out a day before me and spent the day with my family. It's really nice to have a boyfriend that fits in so comfortably with my family. It is also equally nice to have a boyfriend that takes interest in my motherland - Japan. Tim was so fascinated with Japan. He gained pleasure out of simple things - such as, looking out the shinkansen (bullet train) window. He also received full ratings from my grandfather. They really hit it off...

Ok, well... I should probably go to bed now. Good night diary...

~Jennifer

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 07:14:56 GMT

Dear Diary,

It's kind of ridiculous that I've gone this long without writing in you. Well, guess what? It took me rolling around in my bed till 4 am to make this decision - I am finally recording my life again.

This past Sunday was my 6 month semi-anniversary with my boyfriend Tim. Yes - Tim and I are still together. And we are doing amazing.

I am in college right now and my head is going crazy. I'm still figuring out this whole "time management" thing. Apparently, I really suck at it. Anyway, I have my first test in intro to social work @ 1 pm today and I'm scared. Really. Tests freak the hell out of me, especially now that I'm in college.

So I was in Japan this summer. There is a reason why: my grandfather is dying of stomach cancer. We will be going back this Christmas, and if he is still alive (God willing), Tim may have the opportunity to meet him. I really hope it works out this way.

Bla bla bla, I don't feel like writing much more. To give you more brief updates on my life, I am going to La Sierra University in Riverside, CA, I'm majoring in Social Work with a minor in music. Somehow I have already acquired the position of Co-Captain for a Homebase Ministry Team, and I am also Co-Social VP for the Social Work Club.

My head is seriously going crazy. If I don't fall asleep anytime soon...

Junky

p.s. my roommate is awesome. Her name is Quiche and she's from Sacramento. We laughed a lot before she fell asleep.

WHY CAN'T I SLEEP?!?!?!? WHYYYY!??!?

some mission trip pictures:

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 11:27:22 GMT

I'm in Japan!

Oh my ...

Wed, 03 May 2006 22:06:48 GMT

Dear Diary,

It has been... ages since I've written in here. Believe it or not, in just a couple months, a lot of things have happened. It would take... forever to write about all of it. Today I ran my final blood drive at Pine Tree Academy. Everything seemed to hold sentimental value. I soaked in the last hour. I looked around in a tired, yet happy daze. Every time I realized a few more lives were being saved because of someone's simple act of self sacrifice, a burst of joy would permeate my soul. Feeling ignominous for my my previous anxiety and fear of not reaching our goal, I began looking at things in a different light. Instead of focusing on how many more donors we needed, I gave up thanks for the 32 pints of blood that weren't there before.

My senior year is coming to an end. It is difficult for me to write about this - it begins to draw out emotions I prefer not to experience too deeply or let alone express at the moment. When I begin to do this, nostalgia takes hold of my mind, and I begin to think of the unchangeable, memorable past.

Luckily, I have a bright future ahead of me. I am going to Pacific Union College in the fall. I have an amazing boyfriend who I feel overwhelming contentment with. We connect on multiple levels. Our minds and our passion for life coincide with each other. He understands my heart. I feel so happy and blessed. As of now, we are destined to have a long distance relationship. Physically, we are 3,000 miles apart. Mentally, we have become very close. He has described our distance as a gift from God - I agree with him.

Isn't this difficult to believe? It seems unreal. Impossible. It is out of Jen's nature to feel so confident about a relationship . I am supposed to be the feminazi, independent bitch of a girlfriend..

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 00:03:38 GMT

Dear Diary,

Today was an amazing day. Sanele gave birth to Nyasha, a beautiful baby girl. She went into labor @ 8 AM this morning. Until now, I have been at the hospital ever since. As her contractions grew increasingly more intense, we held her hand and breathed "hee, hee, hoo. hee, hee, hoo." It was definitely a bonding as well as an exhausting experience. As her labor progressed, it became more and more difficult to see Sanele go through so much pain. In the end, some complications with the pregnancy made it so she needed a c-section.

I could go into a lot more detail about tonights events. However, at this point, I am way too tired. All I can say is this: today was a day filled with beauty and joy. I will always feel a special connection to Nyasha, and plan on being a good auntie to her.

Ok, to sleep I go...

-Jen

p.s. And yes, I was very emotional, and cried a lot.

sentimental me.

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 02:39:21 GMT

I miss....

::sigh::

3 more months of school, and I will be leaving some of the best friends I've ever had.

How can anyone be so blessed? I cannot thank God enough.

I've probably posted this picture before.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 22:25:03 GMT

Friday, March 03, 2006

The beauty of music.
Current mood: Inspired and Artistic
Category: Music

Tonight, for the second time in two days, I visited the Portland Museum of Art. It has been incredible. I marveled at the beauty, the intricacy of paintings. In certain paintings I saw incredible depth. And after one hundred fifty years past, these paintings still had the ability to reach a certain depth of emotion that can only be reached by none other but music.

Music. Would there be life without music? Could there be life? If there could be life, the mere existence of my soul would not breathe. Music is my life energy. This energy (I believe) streams from heaven. There is a choir of angels, and God is the head conductor. They are constantly creating music - wonderful, beautiful music. And as they sing, through the clouds and to this very earth they inspire mere mortals with this singular ability to create music.

After returning from the art museum, I felt this inspiration. From the heavens, God had sent me a magnificent stream of artistic energy. Consuming my body, and running thick through my veins, my piano was my initial destination. I played with vivacity and a passion so overwhelming I could not rest. The keys were one with my hands. The piano resonated the sounds of my very soul. I was brought to this place, a place I have once described in a poem:

My Passion and My Love

As I place my fingers upon the keys,
All despair has been forgotten
and my heart and soul-my everything,
goes into what I am about to play.
I become mystified into a new world
almost as if I am no longer apart of this world.
And as the sweet melody fills my ears,
and consumes my whole being from within,
I fly away...
and I'm flown into a land of blissful utopia.
This land is beautiful and pure,
where flowers sway in the wind,
and birds dance and sing upon the trees.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday, March 18th, I will be performing two of my composed pieces (with lyrical help from Anna) for the first time at our Auction/Talent show. "Remember Me" will be played by me, and sung by Anna. "Crying Children" will be sung by my sister Shaina and I, and played by me. I feel very comfortable singing this song with her. If I were to pick out anyone as my soul mate, it would be her. She also sings it with similar, understanding depth as I do. As far as "Remember Me" goes, there is no better voice for this song but Anna's. She has the voice of an angel.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 00:07:04 GMT

Dear Diary,

My trip to PUC was cut too short. I am sad to be home. The weather outside is literally frightful. The cold bites at your skin.. making it so one wishes to remain indoors at all times. I don't know. I don't like it.

Which is why...

I miss napa valley. The air was sun-kissed. I relished in it. I cannot wait for the fall. The vineyards will look very beautiful-the vines will be flourishing with grapes. mmm..

I also miss being out there for other reasons. I miss my sister Stefanie and Trevor. I really miss my brother Jereme too. I also made some new friends, in particular, Tim. It was amazing how close we became in only a couple days. He was a blast to spend time with. I enjoyed our conversations immensely. Honestly, I enjoyed his all around company. When Shaina, Tim, Robert, and I hung out in St. Helena, we laughed a lot. It felt really good. Shaina and I called it, "good, genuine laughter". So here I am, at the other side of the country.. feeling semi-torture from this temporarily loss of a new, quite incredible friend. He is actually going to dental school next year. Kind of crazy, huh? My other friend Elton will be going to dental school as well. Stefanie, Trevor, and Jereme are all leaving for Japan. Basically, I will only have myself to lean on next year. It is kind of a scary thought.

Anyway, before I get too carried away...

goodnight diary.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 16:30:11 GMT

Dear Diary,
Right now, I am at the puc library. I really like this computer lab... I'm using this mac computer that is pretty cool looking.
Anyway, this school is looking very appealing to me. It is so beautiful. The campus is gorgeous! I went to my brothers anthropology class today, and it was intriguing. I have been told that the behavior science dept (which I will be spending much time in next year) has some of the BEST professors. The anthropology professor is a graduate from UC Berkeley... and she is brilliant.
As of now, I am feeling fairly confident about my decision to attend PUC in the fall. This makes me feel very good about life. Secure. It's a fantastic feeling to have, and will result in me finishing up my high school career STRESS free. Amen to that, right?
It is very warm out... the sun is shining, the trees are flourished, and the grass is green. My brother is studying right now, and I am very proud of him. It's so great to see him excel. I always knew he had it in him. He is very smart-a lot smarter than me.
I am really hoping puc will be the right choice for me. Right now, my conscious is telling me yes.

wwweeee. More than just being here, I'm happy to be with my family. I love the solidity of friendship and love that a family provides-that my family provides. Even though we don't always get along, I could never stop loving them... and I could never stop being their friend. They are permanent. They are everlasting and perseverant till the end.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 22:29:41 GMT

Dear Diary,

I AM LEAVING FOR CALIFORNIA TOMORROW... I am going on my official college visit to Pacific Union College.