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JustAfterTheRain
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Gender: Female
Interests: The stroke of the brush, the sound of the rain, and the hue of my soul.
Expertise: being myself
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/28/2004
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| Because a lot of people wanted me to come back to xanga, I did....I wrote on CeruleanRainbow again....but then it just causes me more problems. I cant believe my boyfriend....all this time, he's been flirting with other girls behind my back...calling them sexy and whatnot. It makes me feel totally uncomfortable and he wouldn't understand how I feel. I cant believe it....the moment I saw that comment he made on this girls site, my heart felt sick....it brang back all the memories of David and Jess....how hurt I felt when I found out. WHY does he have to hurt my feelings like that....calling other girls sexy is FLIRTING, and I dont like it. REALLY dont like it....if I talk to him about it, he's just gonna get mad and upset like usual. I KNOW what he's gonna say....he's gonna say that he always says that as a "friendly remark"....well, I dont like it....even tho it may be just a friendly remark to him, it makes ME feel uncomfortable and HE should respect that and stop it. What if I called all thses guys sexy and constantly flirted with them like that? Would HE like it? I DONT THINK SO! He has no idea how I feel....I want to be the ONLY one for him....the ONLY one who he can say stuff like that to. The bottom line is that I FEEL TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND I WISH HE WOULD STOP IT!
I have feelings too....
feelings....
and right now they're hurt.... | | |
| People who called/ showed any concern about my hospital situation:
- Parents
- Grandma
- Waikiki Grandma
- Aunty Glenna
- David ♥
- Sarah ♥
- Elizabeth
- Dr. Kawasugi
- Denise
- Ms. Rogan
- Ms. Linskey
- Meeko
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| OMG my stomach HURTS so badly.......*screams in pain* | | |
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I cant take it it....all this stress, all this hate...not having any real friends kinda scares me, even though I pretend I'm fine, I'm not. I cant hold back the tears. I cry, and cry myself to sleep at night, I cry when I wake up. I cry in the corner of the library when no ones looking. It hurts to keep it all inside...I need to let it out, but I cant. No one ever gives me the chance. I wish someone would do something for me out of the blue, to show that I actually mean something to them. How long does it take to write a little email just to say they care? If thats too big of a task, I guess that shows how little they care. What if I'm not around tomorrow? Or the next day? Would anyone (maybe besides David) notice, or care? Probably not. I'm slowly turning insane, and I can feel it. I wish someone could help me, anyone! Someone who would understand completely without questioning anything I say.....I NEED help. I wish my David would comfort me and do sweet things for me...I miss him. I NEED him, but he's never there. I understand why he cant be there for me all the time, but I have no one else. I miss everyone, who was ever my friend. But the truth is, that they wont ever come back and it hurts so much. I'm going psycho, and most of all I feel unloved. I cant stop crying....my brain always hurts from all this stress....it's filled with thoughts I'd just kill myself over....I send god damn emails to MYSELF pretending I'm someone else who CARES! And I do that once or twice a day.... Tell me thats not turning psycho.....I need someone to save me....please....
-edit- 8:01pm
*sigh* Just when I think it cant get any worse, it does....I CANT BELIEVE MY DAD!!!!! Every time I mention something about the whole Japan trip thing, theres a conflict or a fight. It's like he really doesn't want me to go....This morning,
DAVID, I'll tell you the story later....I just wrote a really LOONG entry about my dad and what happend, but it got DELETED because my computer froze...OMG I WAS SOOOOO MAD! I got all my feelings out, then it got deleted in a second! ARRRRG I'M SO MAD!!!!!!! | | |
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