I'm going to break the addiction.

I'm giving Xanga up and I'm giving up on You...

I bottle up my emotions because they're to hard to speak.
It's not like I let them out when they're at their peak.
I hold it in because they're to strong.
To much emotion to say, they are too long.
I cant just break down because its not acceptable.
Sometimes my feelings are so deep they aren't accessible.
So don't think I do it for pleasure.
Because my sanity is something I treasure.

The Last Dance

I write this poem for you
It hurts inside to let you go
I need a end to start something new
You stay still as my feelings grow
You break my heart
But you don't mean to
Not liking you is a start
To something I could get used to
I need the space
I need you to be gone
I cant take your face
Even when I'm feeling strong
And this is the last poem I write about you
Because I'm done with this
I can break hearts as well as you do
But this time you came up a miss
You'll know one day you had me
You'll find out you had a chance
But you just couldn't see
That I waited... that I saved the last dance

Ok Bye Bye forever Xanga! I'll just get a diary instead...

Love...          Marissa

A old poem I found....

Family Issues

The pain is stuck in my heart
Never to break or fall apart
There is where you'll find my weak spot
When you even slightly touch it hurts a lot
I'll break down in my tears
Thinking of the all the memories
And I still hurt
And I still feel the fights...
Still in my sights
The yelling and screaming
I wish I could forever go on dreaming
I would wish every birthday...
That I could have them both
I'd wish you both would have just kept your owth
The break up is still inside
It still rests in that hole
It will never be buried or covered up
It will never be sewed or glued up
I would cry everyday
I would just sit on my bed and lay
Cry so hard that I couldn't stop
Cry so hard that I thought my veins would pop
The salt water from tears would never heal my scares
If that would, I would have enough to heal up all of ours
So I am forever scared
And carry on the painful memories
Till I figure out how to forget
And forgive
Forget and forgive
All thoughs and painfull momories

I know I cant hold pack my tears
Of thinking about all those painful years
About my problems
I say fuck you! To all of them.                                       

                                    Sorry... Buried Emotion.
This was in my Buddie Profile and yes I still have one.
Never update it.

The truth hurts.

The feelings come pouring out. Of you not me. Never me. I cant give them freely. I'd have to shout.
You tell me what I dont want to hear. I knew it, it just hurts more from you. Now I cant do what I planned to do. Of the truthful fear.
You recognise the feeling. I didnt think you had feelings. I thought you were invincible. And now Im invisible.

Easier said than done.

.....................<3

Today is the BIG Sweet 16th Birhtday!

Its doesnt feel like it. Feels like every other day. I want to be able to tell Im a year older.

You'll know one day.
Sooner Or later.
Ill tell you in some way.
I know Im capable.

I say Im independent but I need him
I say I am hard to get but I want him
I say that I like a chase but thats true...
Im tired of him. of this.

Luck isnt working for it, you have it, luck for me.

I wish we were different because Im ready to move on.

Listen when I say, please...

<3 Marissa