So admitted to the one thing that i promised myself i would never admit to unless i was 100 percent sure and it hurt. BUT this time it's different... THIS time i have God to lean on and i have to say it is the most comforting feeling. I've been meditating on this verse:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecc 3:11

I have seen God carry me through some amazing things in the past few years and this is just a small thing. Even though i feel like everything's a mess, it's not, because i can never mess up what God wills. This is just another lesson that God is trying to teach me. As for this particular issue, i have discovered the liberating feeling of freedom tonight, because after talking it out i have realized that it's all over. I am moving on for good ...to a better plan for me, the one that God wants and i am kind of excited for the suprise (lol and i hate suprises) So i am going to bed liberated

Wow i know it's been a long time since i have updated...but i will update on my summer another night...

...As for tonight...it was cool...sadly that is the only word that comes to mind when i just sit back and watch God put all the pieces together for me to see. Tonight i had a night full of checkers, coffee drinks, and long talks with my friend Becky. She is one of my best friends, but also a sister to me. We've grown up together, and now she is a freshman at my college. So tonight we spent together and took a walk down memory lane. Of course one of the things we talked about were boys...but now that we've matured it was more of a serious talk . We talked about being truely honest about the way we feel about someone, but also trusting God to work things out if it's meant to be. She pointed out how funny it is that we all (me her and daniel) ended up at the same college despite our totally opposite plans. I planned on being in Boston right now...Becky planned on going into missions at one point...and daniel swore up and down that he would be at a secular school somewhere in the northeast area. Oops! lol. There were two things tonight that I saw that God had done. One was the fact that i think he answered my prayers for a best girlfriend at college. He sent me Becky...who knows more about me than myself sometimes. I love watching God work...i just have to learn to be more patient!

Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the (girl) I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I saw this song before as a Christian coming to know the Lord, but this relates perfectly to our conversation last night. I've made mistakes in my dating life...but no more, it's in God's hands :)

So i haven't updated in awhile...part of it is because i've been really busy, but i have also started a private journal of my own...so i forget about posting some things on here...

ANYWAYS....lol

I'm leaving for Mississippi tomorrow and i have yet to break in my steel toed boots (yeah that's right...steel toed). For those of you that don't know, i'm going to Mississippi with a group to work on a construction site and build houses for the hurricane relief effort. I am so excited to be going down there to help, but i do have a couple reservations that you could be praying about.
1.) The temperature down there is said to be over 100...for a New Englander like me...  that's hot!
2.) At our orientation we were told that we should be drinking plenty of water...plenty of water to me is like 4 glasses a day...well he recommended 4 or 5 liters! (For all of you that know me fairly well...i can't even drink two glasses!) lol
3.) This is not really a fear for me, but more for the people down there and the others that i will be working with...it's hurricane season. I personally am not afraid of storms and i would've loved to be a storm chaser...but we've been told to be prepared to evacuate at any time just in case. If you could just be in prayer for the people down there that have lost everything already and could easily face another hurricane this season. I'm sure that it's hard for all of the people and families down there to keep going on with their day to day lives with hope, and another hurricane would only make it harder.

Other than those three things, i am so excited to help, so just be praying!

Other updates...
...i pierced my ear  (haha that's a funny face)
..."i'm letting go of all i've held on to..." Lifehouse
...i had an amazing night out last night with three of my favorite girls from West Hartford. We dressed all up in heels and went out on the town and found a new spot to hang out... so much fun

Oh! yesterday i was driving with my friend Kt, and we heard that song by panic at the disco...the one that says "haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?" Normally i change the station just because i can't handle when people just use God like that...but guess what!? This blew me out of the water i was so suprised...this particular radio station sensored God's name and they bleeped out that part. I mean they still left in damn, but that was the first time that i have ever heard our country respect God like that. I loved it!

Why can't i breathe whenever i think about you?
Why can't i speak whenever i talk about you?
                                     -LizPhair

I love feeling both of these when you first come to realize that you like someone...and then it's even better when you have someone special and you still get these same feelings months later...