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wow... i haven't written in here in forever.
i remember i only wrote in this xanga to bitch about life.
and my other xanga was happy times.
and then... this one kind of just died down.
but here i am.
i'm back.
alive.
not sure if i'll write in here regularly.
i actually forgot my password and had to reset it.
haha.
lol
bye. | | |
| I don't know what to do anymore.
I bust my ass off in school, I work my ass off at work and I clean the house as much as I humanly possibly can and yet... my mom STILL has shit to say about it. Her son is a complete fuck up, worthless piece of shit who isn't attending college and is a complete, total slob, but I'm actually getting somewhere in life and somehow I get the blame for EVERYTHING HE DOES! It pisses me the fuck off. I always, always clean up after him and vacuum the house for mom and clean the bathrooms because I know she has clients at the house a lot but if I leave a cup in the sink, SHE FREAKS THE FUCK OUT!! You'd think that would be forgiven considering all the other shit I do, but I guess I'll never be good enough in her eyes. But Toph can leave an entire pile of dishes in the basement and she won't say shit. SHE FUCKING CLEANS HIS ROOM FOR HIM AND HE'S 19 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! It pisses me the fuck off!!!!! He's spoon-fed everything. Anything he wants is at his fingertips and why? Because Mom feels bad for him. Well, fuck that! He needs to do some fucking shit around the house, I CAN'T DO IT ALL!!! Even Steve says shit about how sloppy Toph is around the house and how he leaves his underware DIRECTLY in front of the hamper, that's so fucking lazy. Only Steve understands how I feel because he's just as orderly/organized/slightly OCD as I am and he's at my house often enough to see the destruction my brother causes and he knows I constantly clean the house. And, just now Mom told me that I have to do my own landry. Okay, I've done laundry like once in my entire life and I think that was when my Mom and brother were in NC for a week. I don't do laundry. But I know she's just saying that. I've her that from her sooooo many times. I might just tell her "Okay, you want the house clean? Then, I'll drop out of school to commit all my efforts to you." That's the only way I'd be able to meet her standards. It's fucking ridiculous. As soon as Steve turns 21 and is old enough to drive at UPS (that's where he works now, since today), he'll be making BIG BUCKS and damn right we're getting an appartment together. So, only a few more months of this bullshit and then I'm on my own with the love of my life. Annnd nothing will be better than that!!!
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| I hate English.
It's too... organized when I'm told what to write. I enjoy writing, don't get me wrong, but I can't write in the format you're supposed to for school essays. I wrote a paper... it's really good and all. My professor said that the body of my paper is really good and the message I'm sending is something people are going to listen to, but my introduction and conclusion don't go with the body of my paper. The intro sounds good, but it doesn't exactly clarify what the body of my paper is about and the conclusion sounds awesome, but doesn't go with any of the ideas expressed throughout the rest of the paper. I can't figure it out. I had Steve's extremely intelligent brother, Jon, help me out with it and his ideas were good and I re-wrote my ideas and then last night I had Steve re-type my paper for me because I was really stressed out. He meshed my ideas and Jon's ideas and it sounds good, but again, it isn't working well with the body of my paper.
Ugh. It's so frustrating.
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| So, how's college going?
Well... uhhh... not so great? I'm stressing out about shit that I probably don't need to stress over. I'm such a nerd. I've read the first chapter in my psychology book and took notes on the chapter and answered questions which were not assigned to me and made flashcards for the vocabulary words. All my professor told me to do was to read the first half of the chapter, but I want to be prepared. And in Law I was supposed to read the second half of the chapter and I ended up reading it and making a million fucking flash cards for the amendments (...not all of them, only the important ones, duh) and the vocabulary words. In math, I checked all of my answers in the solutions manual to check the few I got incorrect and then I did more questions for extra practice (which weren't assigned to me) and checked my answers in the solutions manual. And for english? Well... I pretty much know I'm going to fail that class. I don't know why, but it seems impossible. We have 8 different papers to write for this semester and we are supposed to pick our own topic and make sure we turn in our papers any time between now and the second to last week of the semester or something. That's too broad for me...I need to be told a topic, I can't just pick one on my own and I need to know EXACTLY when the papers are due instead of turning them in whenever I feel like it. The way my professors are talking make it seem like it's impossible to do anything other than school work. Even with me doing all this extra work... I have a life. I haven't had time to work out since school started, but I don't feel like I'm always doing school work. I'm balancing school work and seeing my friends and having personal time pretty well, but in this next week I don't think I'm going to work so hard. That way I'll have time to fit in a work out because when I don't work out I feel like shit. Like right now, I haven't worked out for a few days and I feel like a useless slob. Ugh. I hate it. Anyways, I'm going to bed since I was out til 4am yesterday/this morning and then had to be at work by 10:45. So payce.
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| Nothing irritates me more than when guys completely change themselves when they talk to other guys. Like when guys talk to me, they'll be normal, but if they talk to other males, they'll try and act all tough. If you notice, when most guys talk to other guys, their voice will be a much deeper tone and they will use different lingo than when they talk to girls, just to come off as being more masculine or whatever. It gets on my nerves. I hate guys who are scared of what they're friends think or who are scared to come off as being a "pussy." Just be your fucking self... stop trying so hard to fit in. And if you are a pussy, just accept the fact that you're lame and get on with your life. And if you have a girlfriend you really care about and your friends are talking trash about her, fucking be a man stick up for her (no, this didn't happen to me, I'm just saying... in general, cuz most guys are assholes, but my boyfriend is amazing so I know he's not like this).
Okay...
I'm done.
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