Oh my, wet wet wet.  Strange silly British weather. I have actually made porridge this morning to warm myself up.

I have been proposed to once and I have proposed once.

The two guys in question were definitely not the ones for me; the first I knew when he asked me and the second took me about 2 years after me asking to realise.

Guy 1:  I was at University still, second year.  I was dating a guy I had met in my first year and unfortunately he became very sick. He'd had a heart transplant when he was 15 and (as is the risk for many transplant patients) developed cancer which had grown into a large football sized tumor in his abdomen.  I stuck with him throughout his treatment and sometime aftter his recovery and he asked me to marry him and move back with him to Sheffield.  I knew for me it was really the wrong thing to do. I don't know what made me think that, but I guess something just didn't feel right. I asked for some time to think because I didn't want to string him along and in the end I ended the relationship. 

Guy 2: In the time I've kept this blog, I have written about this guy as I was living with him for several years. I proposed to him on Leap Day 4 years ago because it was what I thought I wanted. I did want to get married, just I realised some time later he just wasn't the right person to get married to. 

It was probably one of the hardest things to do and I think I asked him at about 2 minutes to midnight of the Leap Day. I was cutting it fine ... maybe because deep down I knew already that he wasn't the one? :P  I even got a ring for him and I cooked a nice meal and the whole time I just couldn't ask.  I hid the ring under the pillow and couldn't being myself to ask until we were about to sleep.  I think he couldn't believe I'd asked and his feelings were mixed about it - as if he'd wanted to ask (although I was pretty sure he never would).

Now I'm in a new relationship and although I know I'd marry him in a heartbeat, I'm not going to rush things along. I've tried the whole proposing thing and after realising how hard it was I have great respect for guys proposing. It ain't easy :)

   

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Eek, how time passes by when I am simply vegging about.

I've barely touched my computer since our wireless went a bit haywire at the start of the week.  Seems to be sorted out now, but I when I upgraded the wireless speed I also succumbed and took on the movie package on the cable service. I have been immersed in filmland :)

Seems that I like the new sofa a little too much. Since it arrived I don't think one night has passed by without me falling asleep on it. That seems to be my new pastime - watching tv and falling asleep.  Maybe something is up with me, I'm not sure. 

I visited my uncle in hospital again on Tuesday which ended up kinda sad if I am perfectly honest. He begged to be taken home and when we (my mother and I) said we couldn't do that he said that he didn't know us at all and that we'd only come to take his money and to make sure he stayed in hospital. Turns out one of the reasons he has been there so long now (5 weeks ish) is due to the fact that what he'd fallen in his kitchen, he damaged one of his kidneys. They were concerned that it might fail and in fact only this week it seems to be looking much better.

They are reviewing his case today and deciding what to do next with him. He was assessed and he is "compos mentis" so if he wants to return home they will arrange care services for him and send him back. Sadly we've been in this situation before and it has always ended the same way. He returns home, he takes on the services and when he sees the invoice for the costs he begins to remove the services he thinks he doesn't need. He has always turned down the "meals on wheels" (he prefers to eat sausage rolls and crisps) and ends up not eating and in the end, just before his most recent fall, he had cut his daily visits from a care worker down to 4 days per week.

He worries me.