| So for Senior Prom, I got acrylic nails for the first time and I have to admit for the first week they looked really nice, but then I really started missing playing my guitar and playing piano without "clicking" as my sister and I call it. After going tanning a number of times, it turns the acrylics a nice light shade of yellow. They didn't look beautiful anymore, they looked gross.
I know that relating my life to acrylic nails probably isn't the best analogy but stay with me. The other day I couldn't stand them any longer, so I got a nail file and physically ripped them off, I was in tears and it killed so much, but I had to get that glue off and let my nails get back to normal and heal.
Lately my life has been exactly that. I put on a great facade and huge smile on my face so the outside would be pretty, and content, but really I was a mess inside. I wasn't connected with God hardly at all and there was a lack of depth to my devotions and in prayer. I did not have an honest heart and I tried to hold back alot from God. After a while my nails turned yellow and so did my "outside". Yesterday I became really bummed out and I let all of my bottled up emotions slowly seep out until I was completely exposed. With an amazing person and through an amazing conversation I was encouraged to let it all out with God. This is where the ripping of my nails comes in, I had to start over and let my nails, and me, heal.
I was scared last night to be that honest with God, I don't really know why, but I didn't want to hide anymore. I didn't want to "candy-coat" my sins and act like I had it all under control, because I certainly did not. And although after my conversation with Him I was completely exhausted and drained from the emotional rollercoaster I put myself on, I realized how much Christ means to me in my life and how I need to listen to Him and His teaching. |
