| hey guys! i decided that i was going to update this thing for the fact that a whole bunch of crap has been going on. um i'll start at about uhhhhhhh a week or a little before that SO! yes it was a normal week, i thought at atleast. I was having a hard time because "someone" wasn't talking to me. I was like ok so jay is just frickin busy...which he was. But there is a different side to the story. He purposfully wasnt talking to me. So that friday he finally talked to me and i knew something was up. He dumped me because i am not good enough for him and he cant trust even though i've fix a whole bunch of stuff for him. I was pretty sad/mad/upset/confused. I still am confused because i really didnt get a good answer as to why he did that. The next day i was like ok so life can only get better from here....hahaha sick twist. I frickin lost my cellphone... ON A GOLF COURSE. My phone is white and green. That didnt help. So i was having a G-R-E-A-T two days, dont you think? But luckily for my everythong got a lot better! I got to see my homeschool friends at summer fest!!!!!!! i love them! i wish i could be homeschooled still.....there's still hope so all my homeschool friends PRAY!!!!!! ha. After all this drama, i've realized why i enjoy homeschooling so much more. And you cant say that i haven't tried to convince my parents. I've asked them and they still say no. But i hope that one day i'll be back to homeschooling, i know i would enjoy that much much more. My mom is set against it. She said that i did more work this year in school than i've ever done, which is not true. If my parents found out the lack of work and effort i put into everything, they would shoot me with a rifle from point blank in the head...twice. hahaha. I'm serious. I did like next to no work or when i had to do work i didnt try at all. I got a 3.65 and i didnt even try. ha. what now? ok. im done ranting about my homeschooling thoughts. Anyhow so all of this crap made me think throughout the year of everything that had happened, good things and bad. I didnt find that i had a lot of things that i didnt help in and a lot of places where i did the wrong thing, especially my fight with my best friend. We fought at the end of the year for something stupid, and childish to say the least. I was at blame for most of it. We hadn't talked to eachother from then (which was the last week of school) until like 2 days ago when she sent me an email. Before i got the email, i thought about what happened and i realized what i had done wrong and i was going to send her an email, apologizing for my childish actions. When i got into my email, i saw an email from her and i opened it. It was an apology from her. It made my day/week/month to know that something in my life wasn't sucking. I'm still having a hard time. I still think i like jay, even though he was a jerk. But i think i know why. Again that soul searching stuff...i recommend it. I think here's what happened. We wanteed it to work out sooooooooo much that we missed the huge obvious thing that ended up hurting both of us.We missed the point that when you find the one that you love, you dont need them to change for you, you should like them exactly the way that they are. I know for sure that jay asked me to change, and so i did. thats when everything went down hill. I can actually almost pin point a day. Anyhow, for everyone who reads this, DONT CHANGE YOURSELF FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE. IF THEY TRULY LOVE YOU THEY WILL ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE WHOLEHEARTEDLY. So that's why i still like Jay, because i didnt want him to change, I dont want him to change, ever I love him for who he is, even when he makes choices that i dont like. I am not going to be one of those clingy never let go exes. I will still continue to pray for him everyday to find the one he is supposed to be with, even if it's not me. That's what you do when you love someone right!? someone, right!? Thats my two cents. That's my life in the past week. Fun isn't it? -kate- |
