The trouble with an open door is the fact that you get to glimpse inside but are not necessarily invited in.  I sometimes wonder which would be better, to never have to look inside and ache for something you won't get, or to never know the hope of the open door.  I think the beauty of hope is that while the door still remains open, if it does close, the hallway remains lined with other doors.  But right now, the light of the present open door is still so inviting.  Oh how I want to step through!

For a man who insists that he does not want a dog in the near future, my husband has made a fatal mistake.  I knew he was in terrible trouble as soon as I opened a Christmas present from him that he prefaced with," It's the next best thing to a dog."  Cruel, cruel words accompanied by devilish laughter.  A plan that backfired and will ultimately lead to his demise. 

I opened up the package to find a book about a dog, a yellow lab, in fact.  The dog that I grew up with and have wanted to replace since my freshman year of college.    Does he think that I can look at pictures of a dog that mirrored the dog of my youth and not covet it?  Am I strong enough to read about a woman who just had a miscarriage and found comfort in her rambunctious, yet in this moment, stoic dog, and not desperately want such a creature?  Of course, such a book would not calm my longings for a dog but increase it tenfold. 

Oh Matthew.  Poor, poor Matt.  He doesn't even know what's coming to him.  He has awakened the pooch-loving beast within me, and I will not rest until I have my very own.      

I'm okay with being called a bitch.  I mean, not by anyone, I don't enjoy it, but I'm okay with it within the walls of my school.  I know that sounds completely distorted and wrong.  It is.  But still, it's okay.  I work with teenagers.  Teenagers that for whatever reasons, are screwed up.  And there's no place else I'd rather be.  I don't think they go home at night and lay in bed and say, "I'm glad I cussed out Mrs. Green today.  I feel like a better person because I did that."  Nope.  They feel horrible about themselves.  Even if they can't identify that feeling.  Even if they say and believe that they don't care.  Even if that feeling drives them to want to do it again because in some way, it makes them temporarily feel better.  They care.

And I care. 

Not how they want me to though.  Yes, it makes me feel an inch tall.  It depresses me, angers me, and makes me not want to teach- sometimes.  But it reinforces my desire to be in public education.  Call me a bitch.  Tell me to f-off.  I'll still teach.  I'll still teach that there is a right way and a wrong way to treat people.  I'll teach that what you say and what you do matters.  I'll teach that people can change.  I'll teach by showing them.  I will love them. 

So go ahead, I say, tell me to f-off.  Disrespect me.  BRING IT ON.  I'LL STILL TEACH. 

My Matty

Matt is my McWarrior.  From the early days of our relationship he has fought for me.  Though we've had our share of struggles, he's always worked hard at making me feel like his princess.  That's not to say that he coddles me or treats me like his little doll.  Not at all.  Matt knows that nothing like that would win my heart.  Though I can be sensitive, I'm no doll, and am in no danger of breaking anytime soon.  He knows this, and pushes me where he sees fit and holds me when I need comfort.  We certainly see the world through different eyes, but he's working on understanding why I think the way I do and I'm doing the same in return.

Matt has fought his share of dragons for me.  In the fairytales, there's one big battle that determines the destiny of the couple.  Will he slay the dragon and win the princess, or will it end in misery?  Well, the warrior always gets his girl and lives happily ever after.  Why does the story end there though?  I wish it didn't.  I wish the story continued because it's really just the beginning and so many adventures follow.  I know we've already had many joys and sorrows that we've had to face together.  We work hard on a daily basis.  He still works to show me I'm his princess- last night he even planned a surprise date for me, which I freely admit is the inspiration for this writing. :)  I've just noticed lately how much he tries to be a good husband, and it inspires me to want to be a good wife.  Our love is not flawless, but it is strong and impenetrable.

On a final note, way to go Meredith Grey for holding out and making McDreamy and McVet fight for you.  I didn't see it coming and it made me love Grey's Anatomy even more!  Yahoo for love!

This made me laugh all day long....

Last night we had a really loud thunderstorm.  I awoke to hear my strong, manly husband say in his sleep, "Oooo...this is really scary."  I was dying.  Poor Matty Matt- good thing he has his wifey to protect him.