WOW...still hard to believe 2005 has come to an end.  More than anything,

I feel like it  ended before it really began for me.  I will be honest and say that it

wasn't one of my most favorite years, but I still had so much fun...."what a journey it

has been"  although it seems things are coming to an end...its really just another chance

for a new & better beginning.  The end of something is really just the start of another...

hopefully this year will be tha "good kind".  YAY im looking forward to 2006!

what i learned about LIFE:  yes, it goes on.  after a devastating car crash, the loss of

a loved one, even after a painful heartbreak.  things are going to change for us, some we

will choose for ourselves & some will take place against our will.  but no matter what you

go through do not let fear or resentment stop you.  i've just been through too

much to not wanna just live my life to tha fullest.  I've been hit hard with shit out of the

blue that could have clearly knocked me off my feet...but blow after blow, i remain

standing.  life's a journey.  you grow up searching for a purpose to live or to be all you can

be.  what makes this so-called journey worthwhile is who you take along with you & its not

about the obstacles you learn to overcome, but how you deal with them.  it's simple:

learn from them (good or bad) and move on. 

what i learned about LOVE:  you really can't go out there looking for this so-called

Mr. Right.  I am not doubting that he exists but, when we expect so much we are

disappointed even greater.  Ladies, go with your instincts...you know when you're

being fucked over.  and really,  love doesn't have to hurt - i've learned that constant

emotional & physical pain in a relationship is very unhealthy & leaves little room for any good

to happen.  my mistake was believing that relationships last forever...i was wrong.  Yes, its

hard to let go of someone, but you have to be true to yourself.  i have also learned not to

"settle" - there's nothing wrong with wanting  what's best for yourself and if you're not

getting what you want or deserve, get out there & keep searching till you do.  i mean, when

you find "the one" you'll just know...everything will fit...and happiness will be in abundance.

what i learned about FAMILY:  my family is my foundation.  they have allowed

me to grow into the person i am today.  they give me the freedom to be the "real me" and

continue to love me unconditionally.  i've learned that without them, i would fall apart.

they have proven to be my true friends and always look out for me & only want the

best for me - i know i can definitely count on my family to be there for me in my times of need...

they've always accepted me for who i am "faults & all" and really...who could ask for more?

what i learned about FRIENDS:  i do believe your true friends will be there for you

no matter what.  not everyone will like you, so don't waste your time trying to entertain

these people that don't care about you & instead invest your time into the ones that do!

everyone wants to "fit in or belong"...i've learned to get in where you fit in.  True Friends will

accept you for who you are & you should'nt feel pressure to change anything about who YOU are. 

what i learned about PAIN:  pain is something i've learned to live with.  and there's

alot you can experience on different levels.  its really up to you and what you can endure.

in my lifetime i've been through alot of pain & the two things that help numb it all

are spending time with my family and spending time with my friends.  there isn't a better

feeling in the world when you have someone there for you that loves you & wants to suffer

right along with you.  

what i learned about GIVING:  such an unselfish act, how could it go unseen?  after

hurricane katrina & rita...i couldn't get over how much everyone around the world wanted

to help the victims.  i was truly touched.  i just love to give of myself & help out others in

any way that i can.  to me, it's the best feeling knowing that someone has smiled...because of me!

what i learned about MYSELF:  hands down - i am probably tha craziest girl you will

ever meet.  i am stronger than what i give myself credit for.  although i may come across as

this wild-ass girl i can be serious.  maybe i don't take life as seriously as i should.  but, i don't

feel that i have to!?  i struggle to keep my loved ones close to me & happy & just let whatever

else happens....happen.  i have figured out who i am & what i want from this life,however, i

do feel far from reaching some of the goals i have set for myself, but i won't stop trying...ever.

i just try to focus on what truly matters to me and i don't let what other people think about me

stop me from doing what i gotta do.  im just gonna stay Loveable and keep on Loving....

that's just me....that's how i do.

well...i guess this update is long overdue...i havent had tha time to xanga...or even

felt like it.  i haven't really been up to much if you're wondering.  i've had some 

changes in my life, so i thought i'd share....

well...Ling & Breezy are back from their trip to hawaii...they brought me back some

really cool souveniers to make up for leaving me...lucky asses!  they had fun & did

alotta fun shit like:  parasailing, surfing, & snorkeling....i really missed out

i am not currently workin at tha moment...so, it's back to being broke...wait, i don't

know if i ever left that stage  anyways yeah so i really haven't been goin out

much...just layin low...see, i can "not go out" FUCK all you nay-sayers!  i've missed

seein all my friends though...been M.I.A. for quite some time now!  i mean i've been

doin pretty good, but i do get lonely up here in c-town.  anyways, yep, im still workin

out & i mean i guess i've lost alot of weight (i don't know for sure becuz i really

hate scales) but i don't really fit into my jeans like i did + im starting to fit into 

jeans from highschool ha ha....i mean people tell me that i keep gettin smaller, but

somehow i still feel so damn fat...oh well, maybe cuz its tha fact that i refuse

to go on a diet...i watch what i eat for tha most part, but i still eat what i want.

and ain't nothin gonna change that  

hmmm....shout out to Randy & Cristine:  Congratulations on yalls Graduation!!!!

so...yesterday....i made my annual trip to tha ER.  well, i started off at tha ER in

conroe, then but we were waiting there for about 2-3 hours & still hadn't been seen

so, we went to ate emme's hospital houston northwest. and got treated like V.I.P...

it was great...no wait at all...and that ER was much cleaner than conroe's so i was 

happy to be there & in good hands, i mean they're all my sister's co-workers.

my sister was basically my nurse too, she freaks out alot, but i know she does it

cause she cares.....anyways...here's my story:  i was at my boyfriend's house & i couldn't

breathe real good so, i did my inhaler then i proceeded to go down tha stairs & i got

a lil dizzy & blacked out for a few seconds so i just stood there & held tha

railings till i felt ok...then i started walkin down a couple of steps & i guess i just

blacked out again...i woke up at the bottom of the stairs with philip runnin to my rescue

& his aunt staring at me...i landed on my lip (but for some reason it was ok) & for

some reason i yelled out "Ling Ling" when i landed...i thought i was dreaming or something...

so i landed face down & when i came to consciousness i had no idea where i was or

what day it was, i thought when philip was rubbing my back & asking me if i was

okay i thought he was waking me up from a nap or summin...yeah so then it dawns

on me i just fell down tha fuckin stairs....then i started feeling tha pain...& i was like

"babe, my leg (left shin area) hurts so bad i could cry" & he's like "so cry"....so,

i just started bawling....i couldn't walk on it at all, my neck & back hurt like hell...all

i wanted to do was get some sort of painkiller & lie down...i wasn't really thinkin right.

so yeah, that's what happened to me yesterday.  i stayed at tha hospital till like 11pm

summin & tha whole incident happened around 4pm-ish so...i had a really long day.

i got x-rays & cat scans & everything turned out okay...it was a pretty scary experience

i actually got a shot in my ass that relaxed my muscles & got blood drawn & that was

pretty gruesome but besides all that - im just so grateful that:  Ate Emme

was there "takin my vital signs"....Ling was there "takin pix of me in tha ER"....

and Philip was there "takin my hand & carrying me through it all"

i mean what can i say?  so, i guess ate Em & Ling are right...i have like 9 lives

or something...God wants me here for some reason...i just keep pulling through tha

OH-SHIT-TESSA'S-IN-THA-ER-AND-SHE-ALMOST-DIED-AGAIN-EPISODES...if i wasn't

surrounded by such wonderful family & friends...i don't know where i'd be

GEEZ....i'm just so truly blessed

other than that...i'm just happy to still be here alive & breathing...and believe it or not,

i've found someone special...he makes me smile...he's very caring...he's just so wonderful...

who would've thought...i mean, he was there this whole time...i just never knew...

i had been searching in all tha wrong places, waiting on guys that were so not worth my time

...im so lucky to have found him, he's just simply tha best!  i don't give a shit what people

have to say about us, he makes me happy & that's all that matters

okay...for some reason people have been telling me that i look like/resemble vanessa