| Im so exhausted. I feel like theres never enough time in the day to get things done. When sunday night comes around, i get this sick feeling in my stomach because i dont want a new week to begin again. Maybe its because i'm doing too much. Some people can handle doing a million things, but i dont think im that type of person. Im having such a hard time balancing life...school, work, family, friends, God, Church etc. I feel like i work so much that i dont have enough time to study and im so disappointed with my grades in school thus far. I enjoy working...most of the time. If i didnt have a job, i would probaby feel guilty and lazy and well, i HAVE to work so i can put myself through school. It seems in the busyness of life, ive completely pushed to the side things that should be number one in my life because i dont have "time". I used to think i was a pro at time management, but now i feel like such a mess. Last week i finally read through Messy Spirituality. Overall, I really enjoyed the book and a few things stood out to me, expecially chapter 6...Unspiritual Growth. It was kind of a slap in the face for me. Not that what i read was a completely new concept for me or anything, but i guess Gods way of telling me that if i feel exhausted, to turn to Him for renewal and rest..... "..we are going as fast as we can, living life at a dizzying speed, and God is nowwhere to be found. We're not rejecting God; we just dont have time for him We've lost him in the blurred landscape as we rush to church. We don't struggle with the Bible, but with the clock. It's not that we're too decadent; we're too busy. We dont' feel guilty because of sin, but because we have no time for...our God. It's not sinning too much that's killing our souls, it's our schedule that's annihilating us. Most of us don't come home at night staggering drunk. Instead, we come home staggering tired, worn out, exhausted, and drained becasue we live too fast." Im not sure where this leaves me. Its not like i can drop everything im doing and rest for a few day, although that would be so nice. I guess i need to reevaluate my priorities. When i think about it, in the scheme of things, my math class i worry so much over is sooo not worth worrying about. When i said im having such a hard time balancing things in life in the paragraph above, i put God at the end of my list. Why didnt i put him first? He needs to be first. Im a complete mess without Him. I NEED God to be in the center of my life, not tucked away in a corner for when i really need Him. I guess thats about all for now. Its been so long since i've posted on xanga :) |
