Currently Watching Spanking the Monkey see related

So, it's been way too long since I updated. I mean,like, forever. Like almost as long as my love of Burt Reynolds has existed. Well,not that long. But close. Real close.

I'm writing to tell you all of my new love. My obsession with and naughty dreams of the Jugulator have finally passed. I now have a new man in my life, or at least I hope to soon. He is strong, brave, and ridiculously handsome, with incredibly unique facial hair. Its like a gerbil lives on his chin. It's adorable. His name is C. Everett Koop, and he was once the US Surgeon General, so you know he can work it. Check him out:

Besides his super sexy chin tuft, his lazy eye is hot. Just look at it. You can see the pain. I want to cuddle him like a puppy.

I already have dreams of us together, riding horses through the fields, seeing Broadway shows, watching Whiplash the cowboy monkey ride those dogs like there's no tomorrow. It'll be perfect. I can't wait til my dream comes true. He looks better than corn. And the best part is, he's not nearly so young as the Juglator. I'm sure that experience will pay off, if you know what I mean.....

Well that is all for now, that is all. I have to go do.......some stuff..........like walk the streets of Kirksville at night, looking for a cowboy monkey of my own. And I don't mean that in a dirty way.

P.S. - If you are unfamiliar with the lovable antics of Whiplash, go to http://www.whiplashrides.com/index.html. I'm sure you won't be disappointed. I wasn't.

So, I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated my Xanga, I know my loyal readers are disappointed. The summer was ok. I ate caramel apples and turkey legs. With skin. It's the best part. But now I'm back in the bustling metropolis of Kirksville, and there are no turkey legs. Only homeless people. But I digress.

But anyway, no one cares about the summer anymore. Plus, I can't remember too much of it since I stopped taking Acid. So I'll move on.

I'm going to wear purple tomorow. You know why? Because if you wear purple on Thursdays you can't get cancer! That's what I've learned this week. And I don't want to get cancer. I've heard you can't get cancer on a Saturday if you hug a panda, but I haven't tested that out yet. Maybe I will over the weekend. Don't want no cancer.

Well that's all for now, I've got to get back to this waste of time we call higher education. Or dancing for the giant Burt poster I have in my underwear. One or the other.

Currently Watching Best Friends see related

So, I know I haven't mentioned this in awhile, but Burt Reynolds makes me hot. Like he does all straight chicks. I wish I could sit next to him on a bus and smell him. I bet he smells like cabbage. Or better. I'm not sure, I really like cabbage. Maybe I could even shake his hand. Or have his children. That'd be sweet. Just thinking about it makes me.........nevermind, kids can read this. Kids, I'll tell you when you're older. Or show you when you're really old like my man Burt.

Anyway, had the usual Wed. dinner. My friend Kelly said something about not wanting to go through menopause. To which I naturally responded, "You don't want no kids. Why you need a period?" She laughed at my grammer,  along with that freak Dan. So I started screaming, "I have my own grammer! Shut the hell up, bitch!" And I do. And it's damn sweet. Like Burt Reynolds naked by a fireplace. I will seduce Burt with my hick speak.

I'm an opium addict. I don't pee on my hand.