[It is no secret that I am absolutely crazy about you. everything you do...from that smile that gets on your face every time I come near you, to the way you say how you really feel. I love every little thing. I love how I can just be with you in silence, and I realize I am the happiest I have ever been. I love all your little impressions, the way you look at me and just smile. I can't stand how insane I get when I see you come near me, holding me. You kiss my forehead and I know this is real. I can't stop thinking about you. Constantly in my mind, it's all I see...you. I feel like there's nothing that can keep us apart. I sincerely believe that this is as good as it gets, even though I know it can get better. Oh. my. gosh. This is wonderful. This is that forever relationship that so many people envy. Us. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. My love, my forever...]

have you ever felt unappreciated? by one person, or maybe more than one...have you ever felt like no matter what you do it can never be good enough? no matter how perfect you try to be its never going to be near the perfection that they want it to be. it's the hardest thing in the world to try your best, and never get accounted for it.

it's so hard to feel like you aren't good enough. feeling like a failure. feeling like there's nothing you can do to change the opinions of others. sometimes people just get me to a point where i feel like i am going down hill and i can't control it.

you're too tall, you're too fat, you're too skinny, you're too nice, you're too hyper, you're too talkative, you're too loud, you're too annoying, you're too perfect, you're too much. yea, you're right. you are better than me. rub it in. make me feel better.

i am sick of accounting for other people.

i am sick of my job.

i am sick of worrying about crap i never cared about before.

i am sick of gas prices.

i am sick of my new hairstyle and the fact that people don't get that i don't like it. "shut up it looks good" isn't going to make me like it. but thanks for trying. jerk.

i can't wait for school to be over. i can't wait to be done with drama. listening to it annoys me to no end. i can't handle people who thrive on it. it won't change your life dramatically if you don't get the lead role, if you don't get a solo, if you don't make the squad, if you don't make quarterback, if you don't get the job you wanted, if you get a detention, if you get yelled at for chewing gum while texting on your cell phone.

people need to understand it doesn't matter.

i seem annoying, i seem pissed, but all in all i am just sick of it.

someone called me a skeleton the other day. and assumed it to be a compliment. thanks. i am not a victim of anorexia nervosa so that does nothing for me but make me hungry.

this is long, don't read it. it isn't worth your time...

i can't lose you.

[and ps you are fabulous.]

so i got a compliment on how pretty I am today...and then I made the mistake of getting my haircut. omg I am so upset about it. : [

I got the job, so I go to orientation on Thursday.  i don't want the job anymore...Too much drama and stress. Sarah was right...Reading Hospital would be better. I hope I get in there...

I've cried twice this week already. and it's only tuesday...

I have realized that it's my senior year and I have to get a lot done that quite honestly isn't.

I need to work on county/district chorus music. And I haven't done that enough. I need to decide what to do with my graduation project. I know what I am doing, I just have to actually work at it. I fail every other test in Accounting and it frustrates me when I am surrounded by people that accel in that class and can't wait for it to just get harder. Shut up, I am struggling. You are amazing. I get it. Stop rubbing it in.

I don't know if I got the job at Ae. I thought I did, but then when I talked to Sarah today she made me feel like I didn't. The interview went pretty much the same way for her as it did me. And they never called her back. So I am left at Walmart. Wonderful.

I am stressed about college. I applied to Kutztown, but got a letter the other day saying they got my application [which I sent in June] but they need a transcript or something. Yea. I sent that on Friday so we'll see I guess. I want to get in there. And if I don't I will feel both stupid and dissapointed. Because I have wanted to go there since freshman year.

So much crap is going on in school that stresses me out. I don't wrap myself in drama anymore...Because it doesn't matter. The way I see it is...I know that I will hang out with very few people from my graduating class after high school. And I am fine with that. I do the whole "ooh call me and we'll hang out" thing, but both of us know it won't happen. I have graduation project stuff going on, I have service hours to calculate and record, I lost my service learning log, so I have to do all that over again...[sigh] I can't take it anymore.

My mom is retarted these days. We used to be best friends but I feel like I don't even know her anymore. It's weird. We fight about the most rediculous things that don't even matter. My dad yelled at me for talking on my cell too much. And when I told him all those minutes are free because Drew and I only talk from 9-11 anyways, he told me I am obsessed over the phone. It's free. Why do you care? I see him twice a week. Lay off.

The only time I can relax is when I am with Drew. Which is rarely. So that sucks. Our schedules are rediculously off, so that's great news. He makes me happy though, so I guess in the end that's all that matters.

Sorry this is long. If you didn't read it I don't blame you. I wouldn't either.

EDIT: Congratulations to my Lindsay on passing your driver's test the first time. Yay.

Joel and Katie. counted among rebels