Pictures spur my thoughts

I don't know why, but when I bum around on myspace, I always have to look at other people's pictures. It really gives some insight into the people in them. Prepare for some rambling.

I don't know if you really get where I'm headed with this. Haha. Well, when I see someone in a picture with the classing myspace angles and the scene hair and a lot of make up... well, I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I sense a lot of low self esteem.

I think this derives from the fact that the "scene" kids I know do have low self esteem. They admitted it to me before they went for the extreme looks. Being scene, I think, gives them a sense of, "Yeah, I'm standing out, but I'm hiding myself as well. People are looking at me, they're noticing me, and there are others like me. I'm in my zone."

Really, I can read insecurity in almost every picture, but that's natural.

Then there are the pictures of friends being goofy, obviously having a good time. Those. Well, those really make me think. Of a lot of things.

They make me wonder how they have the courage to be so outgoing, if the picture is in a public place; do they just not care, or do they love to bring in attention? It also makes me wonder what they're like at home. Are they just as crazy, or are they a little toned down? How long have they been friends? How much do they really know each other?

But, this inevitably leads to wondering about myself. Maybe I'm not outgoing enough. Maybe I'm too serious or too... well, I would think of myself as a little spacey, but down to earth at the same time. This might be because I'm aspiring to be a writer. I can be creative, but I'm practical. I don't want to be seen, I like watching.

I start wondering, if, maybe, I was more outgoing and crazy like they were, I would bring in more people, I would be more widely accepted. You know, more friends, more guys. All that jazz.

But how real would it be? I've always wondered how... sincere people like that actually are. I think, in a way, they're hiding as much as the "scene" girls I know are. They don't share much about themselves. What they give is the bare minimum. "You make me look good, and we have an inside joke. BFFs!"

So, maybe I'm being a little cynical. Maybe it's because I re-read Kamikaze Girls by Novala Takenamo. Maybe, maybe. But I think there is some solid ground I'm standing on when I say this.

I mean, really. Could any of those people in the pictures share any actual emotion with each other? No, I don't think so. I've seen some people say something meant to be serious and their "friends" rip into them for it.

I want to know that my friends will sit through the awkwardness of me crying if I have to and I'll be willing to sit through it for them. Still, if I can, I'd rather give them comfort and make them laugh so they don't burst into tears. I'm not going to rip into them, but I'm going to at least tease them a little bit, because I know they're probably going to expect that.

I think I'm done rambling.

Dang, it's been even longer. Lol

I've just been busy with other stuff I guess. High school's a mess, lemme tell you. Plus, with Myspace, Livejournal, RPing, writing... well, I've been a bit distracted from Xanga. Which is sad, is it is my internet mother (my grandmother is Inuyasha's Forest and my third cousin Inu-chan's Lair. Lol).

So... let's see.

-No longer best buddies with Kimi

-Losing touch with Clair

+We have a blast when we see each other

-Ashley moved to Arizona

+Still friends with Ashley, thanks to the internet

+Making new friends

-Increasing urge to gag when I see Marisha and Katie being all... 'five year old' together

-Kelly Miller is everywhere I turn. D=

+Kim is entertaining during Spanish

+Torrie is entertaining all the time

+Liz sends me hearts everyday <3

+Mr. Corey makes band entertaining, for once

-He requires Solos and recordings

-Those stupid things are making me fail band

-Can't handle the workload

+Still managing to have fun

-Channing and Arthur are on my bus

+Somehow, they still manage to be more amusing than annoying

+I'm a better artist

+My room went through a mild make over

-That mild make over made a mess

+++ New computer! =D

+I still know how xanga works

+I'll be in Driver's Ed next year

+I had fun with Liz's 15th

-Miguel doesn't say hi. =[

+ I found out how fun it is to play a villian. =D

-I'm a bit too good at it. Lol.

-I can't think of much else

Currently Listening Straylight Run By Straylight Run Now It's Done see related

Dang, It's Been Awhile

It's pretty much the second month of school already and I haven't updated since the summer. I'm awful with this sort of stuff. But I've been busy writing, and Myspacing and Livejournaling and all that other good stuff.

And now that school's started, you can add that into the mix. I like the fancy entry thing though. It's much nicer than it used to be. Maybe I should post here more often. But, who knows. I don't have much to talk about anyway.

I need to patch things up with Kim before her party this weekend. I got upset with her on... Thursday, I think when I asked her where Ashley, my Best Buddy was. Kim just laughs and says, "Like I give a shit." I stare at her, roll my eyes and walk away. She says, "Magen! We don't have class!"

I shout, "Yeah, I know that you retard!"

"Well, where are you going?"

I didn't answer that, I just turned onto the stairwell and stormed down the stairs to the room I was doing the PLAN testing in. I told Marisha what happened because she asked if I was mad at Kim. I told her what happened.

"Oh. She was all like, 'Magen's mad at me' so I was like, 'What did you do?' and she's like, 'She asked me where Ashely was and I was like, 'I don't give a shit.' and I was like, 'Well, there ya go.'"

"How the hell could she have not figured it out? Ashley's my best friend and she stands there and says, oh, I don't give a shit. That's like me going up to her and saying, "I can't find my sister" and her laughing and saying, 'Like I give a shit! Huhuhahahasnort'."

But I'm not as mad at her anymore, so I have to patch things up with her before then, or it will be a very awkward Halloween party.

Speaking of Halloween, we're allowed to wear full blown costumes to school for Halloween. I'll probably ask if Ashley could stay over or something the night before so we can both go to school at the same time in costume. We'll probably go early before all of the kids are getting off the bus, so we don't feel as weird. Plus, I have to help her with her makeup. I have to make the area around our eyes black and other such things, because we're wearing masks. We're masquerading to school.

I should be fun and I'll be sure to bring my camera or something so I can take pictures of all of the costumes. Then, Ash will probably come to my house after school and we'll see if Kimi and Clair and Marz and Brandi are gonna hit up some houses with us. It should be fun.

Currently Listening Morningwood By Morningwood New York Girls see related

No Midnight Shows

Well, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest was showing at 12:01 and guess who can't go? Me. Damn. That was what I really wanted to do too!

Hell, if I can't go to this midnight show, how the hell am I supposed to see Rocky Horror Picture Show?

On another note:

Well, I guess it has been a long time since I posted on xanga and I really need to fix it up a bit. But, I dun feel like it at the moment, maybe later. Honestly, I want to start a new one, but this is my first ever weblog and it has a special place in my heart.

Nearly got a thousand dollars for graduation. Just a few dollars short! Rawr. But I've spent some of it so, it doesn't count any more.

Yes. I graduated. I was surprised too. So, I'm officially a freshie (don't tease, especially if I know you personally, cause that would more than likely make you a freshie too) but I'm not worried. The only thing different between me and the rest of the school is the fact that I don't know it inside out and it's not like I'm that far behind in age. The most is three or so years, so, what the hell?

I also found out that Band Camp is fuckin' mandatory and graded! What the heeeell? That's really the last thing I wanna do. I'm freakin' out cause I probably won't be able to do Marching Band for shit. I might not be good enough and he'll point me out a lot! Aaaaugh! And all of those not freshie's laughing.

I think I'll explode. Literally. Into a thousand little pieces, or, maybe I'll just spontaneously combust or something. (Friiiictiooooon! Haha.) I still have to take my instrument in to get cleaned too. My poor clarinet is neglected.

My writing seems to have taken a turn for the better and I started a new story. About the Outsiders. The V For Vendetta one sort of came to a screeching halt (sadly) so, I was struck by sudden inspiration and started the Outsiders one. Besides, more people know about the Outsiders.

My Jaaaam?: Bad Touch- Bloodhound Gang. That song is just so fun to listen to and it's about sex, what could be better?

Anywhooo...I don't think I'll be going to Oklahoma this year, because mom can't get off of work, I have a party to go to at the end of this month and Band Camp starts the 14th of August or something until the 19th and then I'm in school by the 23rd for freshmen week I guess. I'm not sure. But it all leaves me very sad.

I also never got a hold of Sam. =[

I'd call her now but it's 12:05, which also means POTC already started. More sadness. But I'll pull through, today's friday and if Clair doesn't forget me and run off with Ellen, I'm supposed to hang out with her. If not, well, I'm goin' to the movies without her and I'll see it with my mom, sister and Ashley. And maybe Kimi.

If you read this Kimi, I think you should come. Haven't seen you in awhile and I need to know when your party starts damnit.

So...yeah...can't think of much else to write about...oh, Ashley asked me a really weird question on AIM. Like, "If your mind was telling you that you want to have kids or want to have sex or what ever, would you do it? If the guy was trusted and loyal and all?"

My first thought: Guys like that exist? 

My reply: "Uh...I dunno...I mean if I really had that bad of an urge for some sex...I probably wouldn't like look at him, cause the human body seriously disgusts me. So I might not enjoy it at first...but he'd be doubling up on condems and I'd be poppin' birth control like an addict if I did decide to do it."

Yeah. Alright. I'm out.

Smiles,

Magen

Currently Gaming PS2 Kingdom Hearts 2 By SQUARE ENIX USA INC. see related

BWAHAA!! Rent. It's Mark, hooray!

Yeah, random post, but, Happy Easter either way. I got 55 dollars bitches! I also saw Scary Movie 4 (Not as good as I thought it would be) and V for Vendetta for the second time. (Go see THAT movie. It's super awesome.)

I couldn't help but notice how Phantom of The Opera-esque V was though...especially when...

Ha, NO. Not gonna tell you the movie, just go see it.

I'm sure that the comic book is not only better (and different) but the movie was still good. So eat it.

I also finally got Kingdom Hearts 2!! But I need the guide book so I can get every little thing done...because that's what I like to do. RAWR!

But anyway, KH2 is actually oddly easy...short levels anyway, but there are some awesome cut scenes and fight sequences! I actually WANT to fight heartless now!

Wowzors. So yeah...I hear the thunder...I think...Oh yeah!

I'm writing and posting a story here at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2894804/1/

It's V for Vendetta, but you should read it anyway if you haven't seen it yet to support me. Leave a review, everyone seems to be review allergic...