2 weeks ago, our car decided that it was going to die. The engine was running rough and then one snowy morning we couldn't even get it started. We tried to open the hood to check the battery and engine, but the cable for the hood snapped. (It's still not open and we have no idea how to open it.) Toni came and picked me up, and I spent the rest of the week at her house so I could still work, and watch Jo and Jess. I stayed with them until Friday evening and when I got home, I had all of my home chores to do, laundry, cleaning and the like. On Sunday, Toni picked me up again and I stayed out in Wyoming until Saturday. It was kinda hard being away from my babies, and feeling disconnected. Sunday I came back over, and it is now Tuesday. That is just the car situation. There are other things going on that I can't even begin to talk about. I've been having a really hard time, stressing out and even crying for no apparent reason. It got so bad that last week, I got sick, just from my nerves.
Yesterday, I got a message from someone that I have been trying to talk to for what seems like forever. I was excited that finally, they were acknowledging me. Well, I wrote back, joking about not communicating and received a brutal message from their friend. Needless to say it was the straw that broke the camels back. I spent about 2 hours in tears, trying to explain to my 2 young charges that I was not hurt. It's difficult for a 5 year old to understand why someone is crying without being injured.
My sister Toni has helped me a great deal. I have come to realize that I cared too much what others thought about me, and I have always tried to please everyone and I'm just hurting myself emotionally. I have to learn to limit those that I let close enough to hurt me. It is a hard lesson to learn, but there are people out there that need me. And I have to be free to be there for them. I can't spend my time worrying about, or trying to care about those that don't give a horses behind about me. It's high time I stood up for myself instead of just letting people walk all over me.
In closing I want to thank Toni for being there for me, helping me, giving me hugs and letting me cry on your shoulder. I don't think I could have made it without you.