I feel as though I have been clubbed. I walked into my apartment today, and was slapped in the face with such a stench that I almost changed my mind and visited next door instead. This brings up a question that is just begging to be asked. Why is it considered "manly" to smell bad?


We all know the jokes, and our experience seems to confirm it. Men pretty much stink. This is a fact of life. The problem is, some men just don't realize that it only takes a little bit of effort to remedy this problem. It just takes a little bit of thought to realize how important this is. After all, guys, which makes you happier- apple pie, or garbage? I hope you don't actually have to think about this. In our mind, good smells are associated with good things. I remember one day when I was working at Dunkin Donuts, a girl came up to the counter and I was dazzled by the scent of sweet summer fruit that accompanied her. I still remember her name (Amanda) because she paid with a credit card, and I scratched it down. Why? She smelled nice! Now, do you really think that girls are so different from guys? If you want girls to remember your name, try smelling nice for once.

Now I understand that guys are afraid of smelling too feminine. I used to work with a guy who smelled like lavender...it was rather disturbing, frankly, but since he was gay, I guess it makes sense. But you don't have to worry about this - there is a whole industry built around making men smell nice. We have deodorants, shampoos, body washes, body sprays, colognes, tooth pastes, breath fresheners, and all kinds of other products all aimed specifically towards men, so that we don't have to worry about "smelling like a girl." And quite honestly, I'd rather be around a guy who smells like flowers than who smells like skanky, grungy...guy.

Here are a few quick tips to help those slightly challenged men out.
1: Shower Daily - This really should go without saying. You are a guy, you sweat - it's to be expected. Therefore, you have to get clean. Really. This has additional benefits beyond just smelling nice. You'll look sharper, and you'll feel better too. I highly recommend using one of the body washes specifically designed for the active man, especially if you're the type who does a lot of strenuous physical activity. Old Spice, Axe, Right Guard, and even Tag now have body washes specifically targeted towards men. They all work. Pick your favorite. Make sure you clean all the areas, alright?
Note: Be strategic in when you take your shower. Some people chose to take them at night. Some people (like myself) start the morning with one. Sometimes you need to take more than one in the day (gone to the gym? Then take a shower. Now). That's OK. It's worth the time, and it's worth what little extra money it's going to cost you.
2: Use a Powerful Deodorant - Some of us need more than basic odor protection. Fortunately, there are some pretty powerful deodorants available to us. I've found that Old Spice and Right Guard have the most powerful. You're going to want an anti-antiperspirant, honestly. What's the use of covering up a bad scent if you're just going to be producing more of it? And I would stay away from gels. Some people find them to be helpful, and they probably work better for some body types, but for the most part, I just don't feel that they're as effective.
3: Use a Cologne or Body Spray - These are perfumes for men. For men! That means men should be buying and using them. Did you know that the majority of colognes and sprays are sold, not to men, but to women! What does this tell you, guys? Women care about these things. So find a scent that you like, and get some of it.
4: Consider Your Diet - Quite frankly, what you eat affects how you smell. If you eat a lot of spicy food, you are going to smell...well...spicier. Indian food is especially bad, as is garlic. Just keep this in mind. It's going to be very hard for you to notice this yourself, but those who you come in contact with will notice immediately. Keep this in mind if you're going on a date. If you and your girlfriend both go out for Indian food, she won't notice that you smell funny. If you, however, eat Indian on your own, and then pick her up for dessert and a movie, well...I warned you. And I really shouldn't even have to say this, but it needs mentioning, since some people seem not to understand it. Don't pass gas in an elevator. Or a car. In fact, flatulating in public is considered vulgar. It's not endearing. It's not funny. And you could kill somebody.

Remember, this is a process. You need all the steps to assure that you truly will have a pleasing aroma. I have, however, listed these steps in order of importance. Many people I know try to substitute the 3rd step for the first two. This is unacceptable. It won't work, and even if it does, it won't last. There's nothing worse than a foul body stench suddenly assaulting you from behind a curtain of perfume.

Again, these are steps in a ladder. If you chose to only follow the first step, you are fulfilling the barest minimum for acceptance in good society. If you consider and carefully follow all four steps, you'll probably do pretty well, and, I might dare say, receive a good number of compliments from (extremely attractive) girls. And even if they don't say it aloud, they'll remember you. Believe me on this.

One final note of advice on choosing scents. Because there is such a plethora of manly products available to us, it can seem slightly overwhelming choosing a scent. To some extent, it's arbitrary - pick the one you find to be pleasant. In another sense, be aware of your target audience. If your girlfriend tells you she doesn't like a particular scent, you'd better change.

~Keith R. hygiene

It's a great day for me. I've finally got those creative juices flowing again, and I've got an all new song by Uncle Roses. You can take a free listen to it right now, or you can check out the Uncle Roses page to see what other music I've got there. I'd encourage you all to check back regularly, as I've got a lot of new material forth coming, and a whole new album in the works. You definitely want to stick around for this.

Kregor