|
Kurrupted_Mind
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 3/23/1986
Interests: GEEEE i wonder
Expertise: Everything
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/12/2002
|
|
|
well.... i had my son.
it was during hurricane frances:
our power was out, and i drug my mattress into the living room where it was cool. earlier that day i was in the hospital for an appointment, and they tried to make me walk to induce labor... FUCK THAT, my legs were swollen twice their size, my stomech weighed about 30 lbs, and i hadnt slept... i wasnt about to walk so i went home
around 3 in the morning i woke up with the most awful pain. like a knife was twisting inside me stomech. i thought it was another false contraction
so i thought id just go use the bathroom and then go back to sleep, but when i got in there i had another contraction that almost made me pass out. im not exaggerating- it was that painful. so i started to walk to my moms room to wake her up, but when i bent over to shake her i had another one, and i busted out crying, my mom woke up and shes like how many minutes apart?... THREE. you see in those movies how you go to the dr when youre 8 minutes... they tell you to wait till 5
i skipped all that and went straight to 3. the hospital is 30 minutes away, that was the longest trip in he world, i couldnt even sit down in my seat cuz the contractions were so bad. when we finally got there, i was determined i wasnt going to cry, i walked to the entrance and refused the weelchair and walked down that long ass hallway and stood up while the stupid rn took my info, never flinched. so they were shocked when they took my bloodpressure and it was sky high, they rushed a dr in. and she check my dialaion, and said it was time to go to the deliveery room.
the pushed my bed down the hall and when i got there i was put through HELL. not only am i having contractions but the then put an i.v. take blood, and give me a urine catheder- in case you dont know, thats when they shove a tube up your pee hole. if that wernt bad enough i had to wait another 30 minutes for the blood results to see if i could get an epidural, so the let my mom in, and my big sister, and they talk to me while i hold back the tears. then i threw up, cuz the smell and taste of the oxygen was making me sick.. it was like syrup or maple oatmeal, that wat it smell like and taste like. so finally the nurse comes in with the anesthesiolygist.
first they make my giant pregnant ass sit up, then they poke a long ass needle in my back and numb my spine with novacane. then they put a butterfly needle in my spine and insert a catheder through it, which took him 3 tries to do it right, and injected morphine into my spine. i was numb from the pain, but i still felt if i was touched or stuff lie that. the medicine makes you cold and shakey, plus i shake when i get nervouse, so i was shaking like crazy when the dr came in to check..
at that point it was time for me to push. now i didnt take lamaze class so i had no freakin idea what it was like. you take a deep breath and push for 10 seconds straight. its hard. i stained so hard that i busted a vessel in both my eyes. but in about 5 pushes my baby was out, they had to use a suction to help get the baby out cuz the birth canal was so small. i felt so relieved, like all the pressure and contractions were gone.. then the dr pushed on my stomech and the afterbirth came out.. its like a pouch of thick blood and stuff like that... i felt even better, and then i heard my baby cry, and they brought him over to me, it was unbelievable. he was soo small, just under 6 lbs, and even then i knew he looked identical to his father. i layed there with this little boy.. my jaiden, he looked like an old man, or an elf. and i fed him.
but then i felt a burning pain, the dr was stitching me up, and my epidural had worn off.. apparently i tore 3 main arteries, and i was bleeding so much the dr couldnt see to sew me up, so the took my baby, and sent me to the operating room. there he could use a suction to suck up the blood while he sewed, but the problem was i was in so muh pain that i kept squeezing my legs shut, so they strapped them to the stirrups, and called in the anesthetic, i was so happy, he came in with more stuff... this one was differnt, i was numb completely, i couldnt even move or feel my legs, and there i layed while the dr stitched me up, waiting for them to hurry up so i could get back to my baby.
they carted me to the recovery room where i layed there, paralyzed from the waist down, cold, with one leg hanging off the bed, and being unable to move it. i couldnt see my baby yet, he was getting examined, my mom and my sister had to leave, so i waited patiently for the medicine to wear off. i couldnt stand up for 8 hours, i couldnt walk for 4 more after that, so i layed in bed with my baby on my stomech, and we slept. | | |
| .. friday i went to the hospital (again) i dont know why they keep making me check in, cuz there isnt anything wrong with me... but anyways this time they made me get a catheder.. if you dont know what that is, its when they stick a glass tube up your pee hole. its not pleasant. *shudder* oh and they took hella blood from me. youd think since im so close to giving birth they would just leave me alone, but n0o0oo0o0oo, they have to mess with me every week. well i have a delima, see my insurance wont pay for this one procedure, and i need it done for the baby when hes born.. and youd think the dad would helpp right? pshh he doesnt even talk to me, ignores me and pretends he doesnt know me, and its soo messed up cuz.... how can you love someone who doesnt want to have anything to do with you? its stupid that i still care for him, when i know that i was used... but damn I HAVE A SON WITH HIM. how can i not have feelings for him? an i keep hoping that hes going to suddenly change, and get with me so we can raise my son together.. it wont happen, but a girl has got to hope | | |
| youre not a man./ just an adolescent/ you think youre grown up/ but you cant even face the consiquence/ too concerned with selfishness/ you let other people suffer/ so you left me alone to play "parent"/ and be a single mother
i cant help but feel used/ you took advantage of me, knowing i still cared for you/ now when i need help, you avoid me day by day/ pretending i dont exist/ as if the problem will go away
i gave up so much/ and you cant even console me/ and if we keep going down this path/ the only dad your son will have is money/you couldnt be a man and accept the responsibility/ so instead you pretend as if you dont know me
im struggling with everything/ but you dont give a damn/ not once since i got pregnant/ did you lend a helping hand/ youve suggested abortion/adoption/neither of those could ever be an option/ you dont care about how many times i cried/ youre too concerned with your own life
its nice to know somepeople can go on like nothing happen/ my life is ended/ now im living for two/ and im not even out of school/ive given up all i hold dear/ its funny that this baby doesnt concern you/ but it will affect me for the next 18 years
| | |
| wow.. its been a while since i blogged. well soo much has happened. lets see- im in florida now. and im about to give birth to a little boy. ( how the hell did that happen?) as of now, the dad doesnt want to have anything to do with him, and if HE had his way, i would put this baby up for adoption.. TRY AGAIN. sooo im gonna have to support me AND a child, how im going to do it- i havnt figured out, but i will. at first i was nervouse about having a baby- but as the weeks pass i get more and more excited.. only 4 weeks left. | | |
| well.. isnt today lovely? no.. NO never, i hate this. officially im leaving for florida at 8:30a.m. on April 24, 2004. people who are very close to me will be getting an explanation soon enough, and for those that arnt- well maybe ill write about it someday. =( ... i have to say bye bye to california. and since it was so sudden- i didnt get to say bye to any of my friends... i just hope i can get a hold of them when i get home to FL and explain to them what happened. this is probably the most difficult descicion ive ever had to make, and its tearing me up inside- believe me, ive just reached the breaking point.. and this is it- my new begginning. well people i dont know what to say other than i hope i will talk to you all very soon. and i will be expecting many "i miss you" calls from various people ^_- ... (904)573-5096 call anytime | | |
|
|
