|
Kury633
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Samantha
Birthday: 11/22/1900
Gender: Female
Interests: Reptiles. Amphibians. Canada. English (grammar, vocabulary, and more) Alternative health. Religions. Rare/strange/incurable medical conditions. Art. Music. Computers. And stuff.
Expertise: I'm a designated plifber blot bob. (I'll think of something more interesting to put in here... later)
Occupation: Other
Industry: Construction
Message: message me
MSN: tga_kury@hotmail.com
Member Since:
2/8/2005
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Hey world (here I am)
So yeah. The emo thing is dowwwnnnnn. Before I finish that, one thing must be said. Only one person commented on here, but TONS commented on IM. And several of them had the same reactions.... "they're good pictures, but, you should smile" SCREW YOU!!!!! The pictures were STAGED, and my character was EMO. Now... the lesson of the day, for you: EMO'S AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SMILE. When I took the pictures, I had trouble because I was laughing so hard. It's not like I was a depressed emo kid when I did it, I was me. It was a joke. Sheeeeshh.. people are all sooo serious. Dumbarses.
Anyhow, that took too long. Spring break is in a week! I went to bed around 10:30 today. And I just woke up half an hour ago. At 3:45AM. Pretty bizarre. I had no alarm clock, I woke up, and, I feel awake. Which is good, since I have some homework.
I have a pretty full week. Tomorrow I'm going to see my sister, give her and my niece b-day gifts. The next day me and brother are seeing a movie. The next day I haven't planned, but it's FRIDAYYYYYYYY!!!! Saturday I think I'm going out to the boonies to see my other sister (she lives an hour out of town) Sunday I'll do nootthiinngg. Sleep. Then I have the unknown, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Theeennn.. SPRING BREAK!!!!! FOR TEN DAYS. Yes yes yes. I am very happy.
OH! I remember Friday. It's actually a crappy day. I have a doctors appt after school. But as long as my anxiety keeps in check, I should be fine.
That's all! I gotta start homework soon.
(PS: I'll change the emo colour scheme later when I feel upto messing. I'm sick of it) | | |
| I am SO happy. I've been happy like this for a week, but the past two days have been WONDERFUL.
So yesterday, I can't remember school at all... anyhow, yesterday night I went to my worms concert. It was SO good. I'm in love with Trevor, and Chris, and Mike. Especially their musics. But yeah, great music all around. Then at the end I got their new CD (Beige) and Trevors book: 'Get Stupid!' (with the Ignorance IS Bliss method) I was reading the book last night, just a little history of how we've come to be thinking beings, thus destroying our happiness (lol) Anyhow... today in Social, the Renaissance came up, and he told us the word meant "Rebirth" and asked what had been reborn. If I hadn't have read the first chapter in "Get Stupid!" I wouldn't have known!!! Isn't that ironic? The book to make me stupid made me smarter! But yeah. Social was the first class of the day, and I was SO involved. I've never participated so much. With my background, todays topic totally hit my knowledge. Religious stuff, and of course, Get Stupid! I got some weird looks, because I was like, shooting my hand up all the time, talking fast and excitedly, and yeah. HAH! Stupid kids, let your comfort zone be DESTROYED!!! I'm not just a social phobic homeschooler! I KNOW MORE ABOUT THE PROTESTANT HISTORY AND THE RENAISSANCE THAN YOU!!!! IN YOUR FACE, SUCKERS. Kids are so stupid. Anything out of their comfort zone, what they're used to, and they totally freak. It's hilarious when seating plans are incorporated or changed. Anyhow, in Science we had no homework, which was great. Then in LA, no homework, and, and... I can't remember so well. Oh, I marked a smart kids test... that's, that's. Good for me. Then Math went alright, the test I took the other day I got 32/32 in (I'm a shame to stupid people everywhere... LOL) By math I was getting annoyed. Kids were irritating.... stupid... etc. I'm sure some kid called me a slut in the hall way, but I may have imagined or miss heard... just because I wore a sort of short skirt though, if they did, wtf. If I had heard it for sure I'd have beat the shit out of them. So after that I got more and more angry... finally in art I had to sit beside dumb girls, very dumb girls. They destroyed my very nice eraser, bitches. I had this INCREDIBLE urge to beat someone. Then came Phys Ed.... DODGEBALL!!!!!!
First dodgeball class I sucked at. But today I was SO hyped and angry/happy I think I did GREAT for me. I hit some people, I dodged AWESOME, I was all SWERVING, running, ducking, and JUMPING. I rule. Anyhow, I accidently did have a couple headshots... but it was okay, no one I care about, and there was no proof I did it (I myself wasn't sure about all but one of them, I may have only had one) Anyhow, it took off a bit of energy. But when I came home I was SO happy and SO hyper I started listening to my new music, and I DANCED. The curtains were closed of course, but I was so happy I danced for an hour. Like a mime, among other things. It was fun. Plus I did jumping jacks and weird core excersizes for another half hour or more. I lost track of time, so I'm not sure. I got home at 3, started soon after. Stopped at 5:15. So somewhere around 1.5-2 hours of excersize. Still mildly hyper, but, it wore off. I've decided to get involved in one or two YMCA courses after school. Now to decide which ones...
Anyhow, my life is beautiful right now. I want to kiss someone. Maybe the mirror... .like John Larry... lol. | | |
| Pajama day and fishy dramaWell, I've been having a great week. I'm happy, I'm energized, I'm smart, I'm quick, I'm social (to some degree) and just, everything is great. My grades have all gone mostly up, and I've been working like hell to get a few bonus marks this last week.
So yesterday was pajama day at school. I didn't wear mine. Most guys didn't wear theirs, either, and less than half the girls. Technically I WAS wearing my sleeping gear, under my clothes... if you know what I'm saying. I don't like to be oppressed while I'm sleeping! But yeah. It was weird to see so many girls in non-skin-tight pants! I always thought it was the tight pants that made them have such ridiculous bubble-butts, but seeing them in pajamas proved me wrong. What's with the upwards pointing asses? Not that mine is droopy or anything (LMAO! Droopy butts, hahaha) but, it's like, not up or down. It's just there. Some of the girls have these bubble butts that like, reach up to their lower backs. SOOO weird. Especially in loose pants. I guess I'm really gay to be noticing it so extensively... but yeah. Pajama day is odd. I could never wear pajamas in public and while eating food, it's just gross. I'd wanna wash them 50 times before I ever slept in them, if I were going to.
Then that night... yesterday evening (we're talking about the 26th, 'case it takes over 20 minutes to write this) I went to my dads to get some help on some stuff from my sister. Soo... she was talking about how her little fish hadn't been swimming around in view for a few days. Badger, the last of the most recent kitten batch, had been adopted out around the same time she stopped seeing the fish. So she said that she thought he must've taking the fish before he left (Badger was the most fish-lovingest of the kittens, often trying to catch the fishy) So anyway she decided to poke around in the bowl, just incase. Welll... she got a thinger to poke the furniture and plants, etc. with. I was standing watching her... and, she lifted up the little castle.. and as she later descriped "floooppydoo" (her own added sound effect, although there was no sound) and a grey body floated to the top. Originally the fish had been a brilliant green-blue. Soo... he was all decomposing. There was like this cloud of thin skin around his body, she luckily didn't see, but, his eyes were blackened and disgusting. Anyhow, the moment she saw his little body she SCREAMED and RAN out of the room she was like "MY LITTLE FISHY!!! MY LITTLE FISHY IS DEAD!!! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?!!" and all. Anyhow, she freaked out and was like, running around the house twisting her wrists and pulling at her hair and shaking her hands crying for 15 minutes... It was funny at the time, but now I feel so guilty for being able to laugh at all. Anyhow, she was so traumatized over the body that my dad had to get it out and flush it. She keeps blaming herself that she didn't feed it (only two nights in a row) while house sitting. However, the fish was over 3 years old- the breed on average lives 2. She can't handle another fish just yet... but it really made you realize how attached you can get to a little fish.
I was going to have a rant on more things I hate about kids... but I think I'll leave it for now. My fingers are tired of typing. I typed this whole post in about 10 minutes. I am amazing. Ish.
| | |
| OMG I NEED TO CHANGE MY COLOURS. I can't believe how boring and drab they are. Anyhow, I have cavities. Two of the mother fucking buggers. I can't believe it. I brush my teeth twice a day!!!!
I also have slightly inflamed gums, WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm taking better care of my teeth than ever! So anyway, I got a special toothbrush.
School was really great today. I had the greatest conversation with Mr. B. About the future... what I want to do (I have no idea, btw) and school... and life in general. God I love my teachers... I don't know what I'll do when I leave the school. My period started last yesterday. I don't really like it... but it's gotten a lot better than it used to be. And it's a great way to shake off guys. Not that they're on me in degrees to be shaken off.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a Quiznos sub. And a baby llama.
I've gotten my social grade up high enough that I MIGHT manage an honour. It's cool. Coool cool. I love being so alive, being able to love school and have ambitions. And and... I love being able to see the world. The colours today were amazing. The sounds were amazing. I can actually look at a crowd of people and SEE individuals, not just shapes moving. I can hear what people say (sometimes too much) and, and... everythings so clear. But more than clear, it's super coloured.
I.. I doubt I'm making sense. But the point is, I'm HAPPY. Life is wonderful. I'm oh so glad to be alive. I talked about my future without thinking about dying young! I can dare to dream today. Because the world is mine. Yes, the world is mine.
A strange bird tries to fly (to quote the display name of a chick) | | |
| Ah... procrastination. I should be doing homework. A lot of it.
Anyway, I came home from school, fiddled around an hour or two. Then I went to sleep. I slept till 7 something... then I went with my dad. Went back to his place, ate supper, played computer games, yada.
My sister and me are now getting along better than ever, since everything is out in the open.
However, my mom and me are fighting more than ever. I'm starting to get nightmares about her, and that's not a metaphor.
Today she informed me that I'm "plain"
So there we go... the list is now expanded.
Fat.
Short.
Babyish.
Stupid.
Immature.
Gross.
Overreacting.
Immoral.
Heathen.
Sinner.
Geek.
Nerd.
Loser.
Dumb.
Bitchy.
and Plain.
I may have missed some. I seriously don't think this is what mothers are supposed to do. I've sort of learned to bury it as soon as it comes, but you can't stop a bit of the sting... I doubt most of them are true, especially the physical ones... but God, how she lowers my self confidence. I need to cry again, but I'm too afraid to for fear that she'll come and scream at me for being useless, for being a baby, for being stupid, and on and on. But there are other releases... other ways to cry. Other ways to release pent up suicidal desires.
It's okay... this year is my 16th year out of her womb. Hopefully in two more I can leave her house, as well.
I wish my dad had a bit more money, and I were a little safer to be on my own. And then in my utopia he would pay for an apartment for me, and food and house bills, and I could have a tiny car (which he'd also have to pay for) and could go to school, and do some creative (probably low paying) work on the side. Because I just can't move back with him... but living here is making all my highs and lows, even higher (in the bad sense of high) and lower (there is no good lower)
I honestly don't know how I've gone this far without at least an ATTEMPT to escape this world. I guess it's the ingrained fear of God, fear of rejection, fear of Hell. My sisters tell me that He loves me, that He has a purpose, and that He made me because for some Reason, HE wanted ME. It's hard to believe... the way my parents teach it, I think God must hate me. I want to believe... but I can't believe it their way. In their picture, I'm condemned. I'm "serpent seed" I'm lost. I may as well live as sinfully as I can, trying to have as much fun as possible, staying in the world as long as I can, before I die and go to hell. There is no redemption in this picture. I have to erase myself from it, it's a bad picture. But I can't now... I'm helpless and weak. I need someone else to carry me through. And I'd love to say it's God, but lack of faith says it's family. Not my mom, not my dad, not my second eldest sister. My other two sisters, my brother, my doctor, they're taking care of me now. Because I just can't.
I wish it were the weekend. I want to be with my sisters, because being alone isn't safe right now. Now I need to try and clear my mind... try to focus, focus on education. I don't know what for, I doubt I'll ever become anything... but, well... well, I really don't want to do it. But my last strand of self control says "do the homework" because it's an easy occupation to keep myself from other things, for now.
And don't come commenting telling me you're praying for me, don't come saying you're my hero and you'll make it better, don't come telling me to get over it, don't tell me to "cheeeerr upp" (as my teacher sneered at me today) Don't come at all, unless you have something useful and not fucktard to say. | | |
|
