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KyleCrose
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Name: Kyle
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Birthday: 11/8/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: Theatre, music, punk(the kind for fireworks), anything that isnt american, fuck tony blair, anything taboo, and girls.
Expertise: Theatre and I hear I'm pretty good in bed, however it was richard that told me that.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  twocigmonkey
Member Since:
3/8/2004
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| ExperimentationYesterday I tried my very own experiment. I have been riding the bus lately, mainly because i feel like a tool driving my car that i never should have bought. thats pretty much what my last post was about. i need the street under the souls of my shoes or i just dont feel right. so yesterday im riding the bus and and i decide, "maybe all of my bitching about people in this city being disconnected is just in my head. maybe it comes from me being trapped in my little metal box on wheels for so long" So i tried with all the effort i could possibly muster to start a conversation at every opportunity. People were not having it.. Most people looked at me awkwardly and found some sort of distraction (cell phone I pod whatever) to escape back into rather than actually talk to a stranger. now im not a very intimidating person. im 5'7 135 pounds super friendly with a big smile on my face. im obviously nor a threat you know? but people were just scared to talk in general. i mean nobody talks on the busses, people barely talk on the street. One guy asked me what "my kind" was doing riding the bus. so i asked him point blank: "do you mean white people?" to which he replied, "yeah man, fucking white people, why y'all ridin the bus? can'tcha still afford gas?" "barely man barely, besides what do you care if white people ride the bus?" "cause it aint for you stupid fucker... this used to be a black neighborhood and y'all are fucking movin in and ruinin this shit.." this guy was probably in his 40s and not a happy camper. now aside from the oddly reversed racism there was so much wrong with this guys attitude and beliefs. Everyone should be riding the bus. everyone should be out on the streets talking to your fellow man. everyone should be making contact. There is so much that we the people need to be talking about right now. especially in this city. so much that we could stop and so much we could make better if we were just talking about it. but we are just to damn scared to talk to each other. What the fuck are we scared for? is it because we are so spread out geographically in this city? All i know is there is a huge problem just now starting to rear its ugly head. in the 50s this whole city was rebuilt for driving. pedestrians and public transit users have been pretty much SOL since then. Fairly soon its gonna cost two much to drive everywhere and this city wont be able to restructure itself fast enough. white people hispanics, professionals and suburbanites are gonna have to start working riding and living with each other again. and worse yet they are going to have to stop ignoring each other from the perspective of there little metal boxes on wheels. pretty soon the bus and i hope to god the train will be for everyone. and even if the city gets its shit together and puts in the infrastructure to make traveling possible in such a sprawled out city, whats gonna happen when all of these isolated brains have to actually interact and be civil again? All i know is that they should be right now. they should be down at city hall right now screaming that we need more busses and trains. that we need to spend money on the city again and not these uber huge projects for the suburbs. if we make the city great the morons in the burbs will still come here, even with five dollar gas. But if you look at the people that are actually here. in midtown and downtown. most of us have sub standard housing. most of us have insanely high rent for the shit we get. most of us have to wait hours to make a commute that should take minutes. most of us have to suffer while others come to play in our city. most of our roads are broken and bleeding. and the police could care less about us. we need to start talking about these things. all of us. the new dregs, need to become the new voice the new word. Because if we don't then they are going to keep taking it from us until this is nothing more than a slum and everything that we love about this place will be given away to assholes from other townships where everyone is white and scared and makes more money. we need to start talking about these things before we riot about these things. so to all my friends that still read this. go talk to a stranger today, find out how they feel about this brave new world we are marching towards. find out what they think we can do about it. find out that they are the same kind of scum that you are, we all are. find out that what they want is no different than you. what they need is no different than anyone else. and find a voice you can share... | | |
| i hate youI am not at home without the street under my feet without the burn of infectious human waste in my nostrils and at least a hundred different drugs coursing through my nerons. I hate it here. I hate all of you. but I swear to god, i couldn't imagine living anywhere with anyone else. | | |
| burn this mother downIf you feel a little sting in your nostrils, if you feel a little burn on your lips, if you hate the smell of smoke on your clothes then i suggest you leave and leave quick. cause Ill say it now and again i'm about to burn this mother down! the whole damn thing, the government the wal mart the schools, your house my house! the whole fucking thing is gonna go the way of the KFC thigh. I recently read through my little on again off again mind dribblings that I left on this page throughout the past 6 or seven years and I am mad. Mad that i'm still here in this buckle of the bible belt, mad that I can't do anything right. mad that the me from even a year ago would kick me right now's ass from here to there. mainly cause i'm weak and out of shape. but mostly cause i failed. failed to move fast enough to avoid all these lame ass traps. I am in debt mind body and soul to various enterprizes. my dream of being a rambling wanderer dashed against the rocks of practicality. "oh your just growing up" you might say. but I tell you i'm growing lame! I say fuck practicality, I say fuck responsibility. the only responsibility I want is my name and how well I want to keep it. The only time I ever want to be practical is when i'm finding or running a job. other than that I want to be by the seat of my pants balls to the walls devil may care don't give two tugs of a dead dogs cock about anything ever. I want to let all that which truly does not matter completely slide! I hate taking life so seriously!! you should never ever do that you wont ever make it out alive ever! I swear to god and all the xanganights out there that i will change. give me 5 freaking minutes to kill off my loose ends give me some scratch to pay off the monkey on my back. give me four seconds to buy some matches and butane cause I know you believe me when i say if I don't do it if I don't make it outa here and into the heat soon i swear to god Im gonna burn this mother down just so I can feel something other than remorse. | | |
| Promised LandIts been seven years since I have felt at home in a place. Being
in Florida really emphasizes that point. I lived here in this
place for 14 years of my life, but whenever I come back I feel so
detached and disconnected. It used to hurt a lot, i hated feeling
so removed from my roots. Its funny, I used to take pride in the
fact that I am not from this shit hole bible belt. Now, being
here, I can honestly tell you that I may very well be from Florida,
born and raised, but me, the person that I am and the person that I'm
starting to become very proud of being is 100% Mid-Western
product. I have recently become very interested in the collective
unconscious or the "soul" of a place, St louis has a soul, an energy
thats very different from any other town, KC is the same way. My
Grandfather, who has lived in florida the vast majority of his very
long life talks about this place like it sold its soul decades
ago. He lights up when he talks about the remnants of that old
soul, the few places around here that haven't been bought and changed
and marketed to attract as many retirees and tourists as
possible. I think about that, and I think about all those people
that live in these places, and how there lives, how the very soul of
their cities are being stolen right out from under them, and yet they
seem so grateful and thankful to be apart of this fools
paradise. I applaud them for being the ones that supply the
escape, the very vacation that so many people take here to get away
from there daily lives. But as for me, as much as I admire these
people that stay here to maintain paradise, even if they do warp it and
change it to make it more marketable. I need a town where the
people love their city so much that they don't want to share it with
anyone. I need a place that I can get all wrapped up in its
energy and then launch it onto the world. I need a place that
burns like embers, a place that could set the whole world on fire.
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| radical spiritual discontentment"Im still here and its gonna take more than that shovel to make me leave!"
Warrensburg was making my head hurt so I got out. I am currently tooling around columbia with Raven and some other folks. I need a week off. i haven't gotten one of those in a long while and I have a lot of life to sort and organize in my head. Ian would say that i need to get my chakras in line or my chi centered depending on what eastern philosophy he is reading. I like Ian...
So I feel a little overwhelmed. I know its pretty much my own fault. I haven't even made an effort really to deal with whats been coming my way lately. and there is a bit to deal with. I need to do a lot of things. First and foremost is I have to stop being afraid so much. its all just a series of games that you have to choose how well you play them...or at least thats the way im gonna have to look at it to stay sane.
Kyle
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