|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
|
Edit: Woke up this morning to 182!!!! 
Edit 2: Decided to take 2 of the pics down. Couldn't stand to look at them. :-\
Alright, so I took some pics tonight. With a lot less clothing than the last ones. :-\ I can pick out a thing or two that I like about them, but for the most part, I hate them. I just... don't know how I got this way. In 9th grade, I was such a great size for me. Wearing 9s or 11s in jeans, depending on brand... only weighed 135 lbs... I had no muscle on me, but I didn't care. I definitely didn't feel fat in the slightest. I could lay on my back at night and rest my hands on my hipbones. I MISS that.
I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. I preach 'healthy choices', but on average, I've only been eating maybe 1100 calories per day? I ignore my hunger and I ignore the light-headedness I sometimes get... to what end? What happens when I'm 135 again? How do I maintain from there? I know I have the onset of an ED. I'm obsessive about counting my calories. I fish wrappers out of the trash for the nutritional information after my step-mom cooks dinner. If something I want to snack on during the day is more than 100 calories, I automatically shudder and put it back down. I'm not obsessive about restricting to the point where I'm starving myself, but I can easily see it happening sometime, maybe soon. I've purged before. Not many times, but I have still done it. And for the longest time, I was a compulsive eater. I'd wander in to the kitchen out of sheer boredom, and gorge on whatever was in the fridge, seemingly unable to control my hands as they reached for more and more JUNK to shovel in to my body. I don't understand where I went wrong, how I gained all this weight. It's disgusting to me. I just want it gone.
Anyway, that was my 1:45 in the morning rant. I'll post the pics, and be done with this until tomorrow at least.
NEVER in my life can I remember looking at a picture of myself and seeing my COLLARBONE. Am I crazy, or is that a hint of it there? Besides that, I hate my white stomach and upper legs. And my stretch marks. My chest and shoulders look decent with the tan. I need to fix that soon, ughhh. And just to let everyone know, I'm not built crooked... hah. I stand crooked because my right leg is slightly shorter? So I lean on my left.
Ouch, sunburn.... my love handles are finally disappearing a little though... thank God. However, my ass is still WAY too big.
(Taken down)
Yet again, white stomach is disgusting. As are my stretch marks. And I have some weird ass bug bite on my stomach just under my boobs. It won't go away! :(
(Taken down)
Wowwww the tan line on my legs is HORRIBLE. And I need to start toning NOW, before I lose too much and just get flabby. Ewww.
Those pics are all at 184.4, according to weigh in this morning.
| | |
| Ughhh. I wish I would hurry up and get off my period. I screwed up taking my pill, so my period is all screwy this time around. I always just feel fat when I'm on it. And I seem to never stop feeling hungry.
I had Subway for dinner today... SOOO good. Turkey breast. Yum. I went to Wal-Mart with my brother and stock-piled a bunch of healthy yummy snacks, like Kudos bars and 100-cal packs of Doritos. :) It made me excited to know that I'm serious this time around about a lifestyle change, not just a way to reduce the number on the scale. (Though that definitely doesn't hurt!)
We also went for another 30 minute walk. I'm hoping to make it an every day or at least most days thing. My mom went with us Monday night, but she's not a lot of help. She thinks we're ridiculous for walking OUTSIDE because we have a treadmill. Ughhh. I mean, on rainy days, sure. Use the treadmill. But it's better to get FRESH AIR and OUT OF THE HOUSE. Sorry for ranting, but it just irritates me every time I think about it. lol.
This morning, I weighed in at exactly 184.8 again. I can't complain... hopefully I'll lose some water weight when I get off my PD.
Annnyway.. tomorrow night, my good friend Andrea is setting me up for a semi-blind double date... haha. He's 17 and apparently realllly funny. He goes to my old high school, which I guess is cool. So I suppose we'll see how that goes, and I'll of course post about it on here. :P
Much love to all of you, ladies!!! <3<3<3
| | |
| I weighed in at 184.8 this morning! :) So that got my day off to a lovely start.
My brother and I went for a WALK yesterday. 30 whole minutes, around our neighborhood. It was really nice out, not too hot, and we were able to talk some too. When we got back, I know we both felt great... it made me really proud of myself and of him.
I started this... idea I had. It sounds odd written down but in my head, it makes sense. Basically, I'm treating exercise as a 'job'. If you do your job, you get paid for it, right? If you don't do your job, you don't get crap. lol. I set up a jar by the front door, and each time me or anyone in my family does 30 minutes of exercise, a dollar goes in the jar because we did our 'job'. Once we get a decent amount in it, we'll take it somewhere fun and spend it on all of us as a reward. (NOT a restaurant... lol)
Annnnyway. I'm about to get ready to go on another walk with my brother and this time my mom too. So I hope you lovely ladies are doing amazingly! :) :) :)
| | |
| Not much to update about... The number on the scale in the morning keeps getting lower and lower... little by little.
I'll try to update and comment more later. <3
| | |
|
