I think the age of blogging on "xanga's" or "blogrings" are declining. I saw it was coming when everyone was moving to "myspace". .haha.

I've read through my diaries and private logs. Oh gosh, that goodness I changed.! This week was pretty hectic (PROJECTS, reading, OUTLINES..). Then there was the fact that I was trying to gain my grandmother's trust again by busting out the best proportioned vietnamese speech that I could, just to persuade her to see that it wasn't my fault. ( It really wasn't ). Come on, there was ANOTHER girl in there. What role could I possibly play? Gosh, I hate it when I stumble while trying to explain something. I LOATHE IT. It just ruins the whole speech, and it makes it sound bad. I repented of my dishonest ways when the schoolyear was ending. I already swore to her that I wouldn't lie to her...how could she still distrust me. Gosh, I'm really really sorry Binh Annee..xtina, &Tommy =[[ I know you guys were looking forward to it. I was excited to go to TV taping..but now can I go? NO! Jeesh, I can't even lay a foot outside the door without being interrogated as to where I'm going. ugh, i hate myself   I mean, I've seriously broken my promises to stay indoors before, and snuck out a couple times without her consent, but she always forgave me. I think she just locked in OVERPROTECTIVE mode. I guess she has a reason to .   Its so easy to be led astray, but so hard to stay focus on the narrow path. With all these distractions and temptations to go out, do this, do that.. »sigh« I'm really sorry to all of the tomo girls. I really let you down =[[ I'll do my best to make it up!!

THEN I MISSED MY TRIP TO CHURCH TONIGHT!!! =[ I can't believe how fast time was flying. One f my mom's ex's came to visit us and treat me, my grandmother, and brother to a seafood restaruant near my house. It was great to see him again, but I was a bit shocked to see him in a wheelchair. The accident that took place years ago really ruined him. He is paralyzed from the torso down. How horrible. To think that something liek that could happen to a really close friend..i couldn't really enjoy my meal. It was just too much to see his condition like that. he was always so nice to my family...I think that ifmy mom was to marry him, I would've been able to call him my dad..cause out of all my mom's boyfriends, he was the one that showed me and my whole family that he truly, and genuinely care about us. It touched me to remeber the moments that we've spend together so many years ago. He was the first person to introduce us to las vegas, disneyland, etc..And even though him and my mom aren't together, even after all these years, he still tries to keep in touch with us, because to him, we are his family. He still makes fun of me though . .. =[ Being caught up in the moment, I forgot the time, and when I found out it was eight something, I was hit by the shock that I was supposed to lead tonights bible study! Gosh, I had the lesson all planned out too -___- once again, I let my BIBLE GROUP DOWN too . IM TRULY AND HONESTLY SORRY =[[ I hate having Jack always have to pick me up and trouble him like that. I feel like I'm such a burden to the whole DARN WORLD.

I need to really watch what I'm doing...

Current Status ; RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE

Just to think I could possibly leave this site on haitus for at least two months or so is inevitably impossible. Well, hello again my dear xangans. Let's see...I seldom type any new blogs unless I actually have something I really want to say..so this entire blog would be completely random! [ just a heads up for you all who just want to leave this site ]

Okay, lately I've been developing this crazy blotches of memory gaps.  I feel like my "memory disorder" is getting worse day in day out.  I forget what I was doing one minute, and I would have to constantly jot down thoughts of mine even when it could possibly be the most meaningless things. I guess it's a process where I could take control of my thoughts and try to organize it on a sheet of paper if it "so happens" to slip out of my mind.  It provides me with some sort of comfort, even if I lose the sheet of paper, or I just forget it completely. My brain is just a fungus..No, a nusance to me right at this point.  It can't recollect any fine things, and literally forget stuff when I learn something new. Apparently, I really need to seek a medical help. I don't know if you feel the same, but to me some doctors are just there to prescribe you with all these useless medications just to take away your hard earned money. They rarely ever give a care about your health, and the procedures they go through just to ( what's that word ...CRAP MEMORY BLOCK! ) arg.. I'll just use another term.. WAIT I REMEMBER!! Diagnose ! yeahh..so as I was saying, the procedures they go through just to diagnose your sickness are always the same.. well, my doctor is. That's why I always hesitate to bother going there.

As for summer...what's there to say? it is passing by toporately, but I'm just sucking every ounce of it in for keepsake. My summer's really estivated, but somehow I like the limited space I'm getting because it helps me to focus on what's really important at home. I really need to be liable for my own actions. I can't bother going out there putting myself in other people's dramatic dilemmas anymore. I should stay focused on my own problems. Does it really sound cold-hearted or impassive of me? Well, live on with it. I'm tired of being the worn down door mat welcoming people into my life and me in theirs. I'm fed up with all of the irony that encompasses the word friends. I'm always there being the misunderstood person.. que sera sera. I project my voice too much. Actions speak louder than words. So I will show them, not to prove to anyone else but myself of my capabilities. And I should spend more time developing in my faith and continual growth in my faith and religion. I have to limit my time on the computer, and stick more to my studies and my bible lessons. I should probably start a tighter bond with my church members..but then..I think it will take some time.. especially because there is always something tying me back.

That's another topic though. I somehow feel like I wear two faces when I go to church and when I'm at home. I feel more relaxed and less rigid when I'm at home or at school. I can actually crack jokes and take them..at church I seem to be way too serious for my own good. It's like I'm afraid of something..afraid they will judge me by their standards. I've seen some of them act...different. Christians are christians..but then once accepted as a christian they should really take a hold of their actions. I should too, I'm not saying they have to be perfect...but they should be better than what I see.  I would see the adults gossiping and making the wrong assumptions of another member of the church. It's like they interrogate everything that another person does. SO much so, that you have to suck up to them just so that they would avoid talking about you. The same thing happned with my grandmother. ( I won't say the names of the people ) but when she cooks for the church she cooks because she wants to do something good, not because she wants to intentionally show off her talent of being a good cook. The church people already know that she can cook good, she doens't have to prove anything else. I know my grandmother better than anybody on this earth. When "someone" came up to her and preached in an indirect way that she shouldn't be cooking it to show off, but to serve the lord...blah blah. I was like, the hell are you talking about? I wanted to seriously go on a rampage, because if it has anything to do with my grandmother, I can and will get serious no matter how young or old you are, because I am sensitive on that subject. Before I thought that she was a really good example of a christian..but to make an assumption like that really pisses me off. How would she feel if I was to tell her that she should stop showing off to others liek that.. My gosh. AckK! more thoughts on later days. I'm out.

 MOOD; Penetrating thoughts again

I used to be discouraged easily, doubting my own abilities. I used to be the girl that was easily read, and easily mis-understood. I was the girl that was always set back because I was deluded by my fears of moving on. I used to be the person that couldn't stand getting misinterpreted. A fool in search of acceptance from people that really didn't give a dungheap. I like to keep to myself nowadays, wanting to know what people's first impressions are. Things aren't what they seem, and sometimes you have to expect something you're not. I don't like to put myself above others, so I tend to act stupid and retarded. I feel like, its an equalizer. Besides, it gives me the better satisfaction seeing how some people are "surprised" when I accomplish something. People seemed to be taken aback when the found out I made it into english honors. It shows that you just can't be too quick to judge.

I learned, that friends can be conniving backstabbers, who can turn one cheek to the other in just a split second. I learned how people could be so hypocritical when they're contridicting what they really are. I abhor the way people take a stand, and purge themselves with the lies they promised they would keep. They swore it. True friends never stab in the back. Aim for the freaking front next time. One day, they claim to be your closest friend, the next, they turn up to be a stranger. They dig up all this crap on you, as if you had no history. What made now and then different besides the fact the distance from before? Does that mean that they only treat you good if you're their best friends.? You felt used? Look at me, I'm just as used up as you guys think you are. Pul-eeze. I was there for you when you needed someone to spill your tears on. I was your freaking hankerchief. In turn, you were there for me too. Isn't it all an equal share of what friends are supposed to do? So don't tell me you feel as if you do more shit for me than I do for you. Think about what you just said, and refresh your memory to see if what you're saying is really true. You claim that you felt you weren't worth being my friend. I beg to differ, that's not what i hear from the people you are now close with. They tell me that you felt I was using you, and that you didn't liek it. Well sorry if you were the one that suggested that I should ask you for a RIDE from before that pancake shit.

Ah, whatever, its so long ago, I should just forget about it. But yes, I hold it in memory, just so that I would remember to not make the same stupid mistake as I did when I was with you ^^. You won't ever hear from me again. It's just stupid how your oxymorons aren't cut up to make sense. You're just running around in a circle.

Stupid airheads claim they would make your tongue change color. I don't see the truth behind the wrap. Apparently, I shall label this false advertisement. Anyway, the weekend had its discourses. I was set off track again with my humiliating mistake of abesent-mindedly leaving my geometry and Reagan's French II book in Keeler's room. So pathetic of me. I really should go to the doctors and check to see if I have a memory disorder.. ( which by facts, I clearly do. ) I'm so forgetful.. Finals are coming up, » with the will of GOD i think I could make it itno french 3& alg2 «..but i dont think Mme. McAfee likes me that much. . HAITUS well soon resume. These are a few of my classes which I HOPE the freaking councilers won't screw up again for next year. » «

honors world history
honors english
aerobics
Bio
Alg2
french3

I think Mrs. LaCroix will put me up in a class period for FBLA purposes.. but I don't really know which one. -___- hopefully it doesn't mess up my schedule.

tahtahs
×33;Mynhi

" If that is what it means to be smart, then I'd rather be an idiot. "
random ramblings ( inside thought )

Current Status; ..Wish you could walk in my shoes..

Do you really think you know me? NO, really..its just a question. I'm pretty sure you all have something to think, something to say. Well? Tell me about it. here's your chance. I feel totally reckless at this moment. I mean, seriously. You guys have all the right in the world to think I am so and so, and what not. But, to take away some of those rude assumptions.. let me just clear it up for you.

F0R ALL THE GUYS READiNG THiS..ENj0Y

Did I really had a crush on Dailo? YES I DID. NO I AINT GONNA HIDE IT. I'm pretty open and honest about it. Did I wanted anything more to do with him? Nada, nope, none.  Just a pretty strong crush you might say. I KNOW I did show him a crummy time at the dance--BUT. ANTHONY asked me that night with him there, if I would be okay with him dancing with other girls. SINCE I DIDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE dancing with him, sure, why not. I didn't wana ruin his winterformal night or anything, so yeah, i told him I didn't mind.. But that fakeass trying to put up a gentlemen's front, told me that NAH.. ITS COOl, I'll STAY HERE WITH YOU. Oh yes, thanks for staying there, acting all nice to me and shit. Then go ahead, why don't you, and talk all this shit to all the guys, claiming that YOU HAD ME. Don't get me wrong, YOU DID had me for some time.. but that don't mean I'm gonna be all clingy on someone like you! The only reason why you had me was because of YOUR FAKE SIDE. If you were to have shown me who you really ARE.. then fuck that. I'm not swinging with some fucking wannabe pimp daddy, thinking he can just get some girl and throw her out the next day. AND NO, I didn't try to make you jealous. MICHEAL, yes MICHEAL. The person that i used to think was cool, actually added on to the freaking lame ass story stating how he thinks I still like Dailo. OH please. I'm not desperate to go after someone like HIM. And if you're trying to be fake like everyone else.. then don't fucking try to befriend me walking me to my damn class. NO I DONT FUCKING KNOW YOU. Nor do I want to, anymore. I was never all over DAILO at the fucking dance like he claims. Don't think you all smooth with the lady's cause I know what they think. "EWW." I was never mad at you from the start, just dissappointed. I DONT CARE*and I know you sure as hell dont. HAHA. OH! And the pic we took at winterformal. I did look like a drunk! I'm So serious. I looked like I was high on crack or something. HAHAHAH. oh, looking at that picture makes me laugh. Hmm .. and seriously, dying my hair blonde? What the heck was I thinking? Gross, I say. Very gross. Typical too. Yeah, that was a mistake. An honest to goodness mistake. I just decided to try it out anyway, because my hair was blotchy enough as it was before I dyed it. Whatever, my hair, my mistakes, my loss. Hmm.. Oh yeah. I mean, seriously in my opinion, Dailo is way too freaking worried about his reputation, AND he's self conscience about what people think about him. I bet you, he does have some good qualities..and I'm not here to bring anyone down, but seriously, GET A GRIP. Stop overexagerating stories, tryna make yourself look good. I mean, even if you do MAKE UP new stories. KEEP IT REALISTIC. I'm okay with it though, cause people that don't bother to understand the REAL story, they don't have to try at all. I'm not going to try and force people to understand who I am anymore.

ABOUT PROM!
OH, man ...this is the killer. BEEFY. Don't be all trying to make it sound like you OWNED me for prom. WHAT I HEARD about you telling other people.. whatever? it's like bogust lies. I didn't wanna go to prom with anyone. NOPE. NO ONE. Tuyen might've said otherwise.. maybe that she only hooked me up cause I wanted to go. BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE. When she asked me if I wanted to go with one of her friends..I really thought into it. Why ruin my first prom going out with someone I don't even know? ME DESPERATE? Oh please, I could've gone, or not gone. Either way I'm fine. I felt bad because SHE told me that the girl you asked to prom didn't reply to you, yet. Aww.. poor guy. And what else? She told me that you were a great guy, with a great personality. I hesitated on even letting you spend so much money on my part. She claims its okay, cause you are the type of person, who only likes to spend money on someone other than yourself. BS. I believed that, until the moment got really awkward. It fel wierd going out with someone who I don't even know. If it was any other dance, I wouldn't really care, but I felt obligated to doing my part, making it your best prom ever! To tell you the truth, I was hesitant, but excited. I thought you were the most nicest guy ever! Until I found out that you were just putting up an act. " I tried calling you, talking to you, but personally..I don't think we click." Yeah.. right buddy. We don't click. you're into your thang, and I'm into mines. No need to hold back on it. And remember what you said? " I've got the prom tickets and things set, all you need to worry about, is the Limo money, and the ticket money. " OH, alright cool. I was kinda OMIGOSH about how much it was. HELLO? I'm a freshmen here. But i ddin't want you to pay for so much. She suggested that she'd ask you to pay for me. I dont think so. I'm not like that. I canceled Spring Desert because of you. ( NOW, i couldnt go anyways because I'm officially stuck at home that night -__- ) Oh yeah, dont' go up to others claiming how I was the one that was supposed to pay for the tickets and shit. If you woulda asked, maybe I could work something out, and pay for it. But either way, i was the one doing the favors, not you. like the quote said, you claimed that all i had to worry about was the picture and the limo money. So that's what I worried about. I know what happened.. and that's all that matters. again.. don't exagerate stories to make yourself look good. The only reason why you freaking "let me off" is so that you could go with the girl you had a crush on for five years. So who's the one to feel used? ME of course. I was just a freaking backup to your fucking date. BUt yeah.. I don't feel bad at all. My intentions were good, and even if know one understands me, turn their backs against me...i could care less. I mean, seriously why would I even care anymore. People don't understand, they don't have to undersatand. If they want to assume, let them assume.

 Yes, I took things up the ass..literally. I went out with Tuyen, met up with some freaking "gangster" that thought I was trying to hit up on him. TUYEN should know exactly what happend. But yeah, MARVIN the freaking looser who thinks he knows everybody, ticked me off so freaking bad, that I wasn't even thinking when i was typing to him. Stupid of me to give him the satisfaction of getting the best of me. Sorry for taking it up the ass.. I will never do that again. Oh, and as for HER, I'm not gonna broadcast the events that took place. I dont' even know myself. FILLME IN. I just want her to know that I'm dissappointed in her for believing in what VICTOR has to say. Because I truly thought she knew me better than that. Whatever sick stories she's heard about me, that's up to her to decide on whether or not she wants to believe. Even if we aern't on talking terms. I STILL LOVE HER. she has been there through my ups and downs, gave me encouragment.. and taught me everything I needed to know about highscool, SURVIVAL. And right now. I'm living through it like a breeze. Troubles, problems, issues? Do I care? Try to hurt my feelings and bring me down. IT WONT WORK ANYMORE. Maybe its the thought of TRYING to be strong, that motivates me to BE strong.

Yeah, to be frankly honest, I would've cried like a baby and took this up the ass. But no, not really. I don't care anymore. But heads up, I'm not a sell out, and I'm not a freaking WHORE. Have I ever slept with anyone? Nope. Still a virgin. I like to take things slow. That's just the way I am. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, and sometimes I do things I don't mean to do. Sometimes I regret over it, but now, whatever, I'm done. ALL THE GUYS that I've met up with so far are fucking assholes.

In conclusion. I don't really worry about what people see me as. A freaking person who tries to get attention... a whore, hooker, slut.. I don't really give anymore. I never sold my body so it could get laid, I never once pushed myself on some guy just so I could get attention. I never did try to put up a fake personality to make friends. NUH UH . It's not me. So whoever this "Christine" that you hear people talk about* points to self * that's me, and only what you think you know. You don't know me, and you don't have to worry about knowing me. Cause, I DONT CARE. Laugh at me all you want. I could be your punching bag. Throw all the lame ass jokes you can about me. The OVERLY EXAGERATED stories you make up to entertain yourselves. I don't think you really need to know me, and I don't think I need to know you. But if you have problems or concerns and you want some closure. Come to me, and I'll tell you the motherfucking truth. I'm not gonna hide no shit. I'm not gonna explain myself anymore. 

» sigh « That feels so freaking good. OKAY I'm normal again. This is the last blog until I go on haitus :] So yeah..  Let's make it memorable, kay? (& don't gimme none of that sympathy shit, it don't fucking work with me. )

ITS MYNHI TO YOU♥

HEY AGAiN!
Finally, I'm re-updating my xanga. Well, a lot of things have happend in the past several weeks. It's all whatever right now. I can care less.. But anyway, fill in on later notes. Scribble me a message or two--oh yeah, NEW BANNER&BACKGROUND.

»//edit
Wooo, I swear. This has been the easiest week for me so far. I got rid of my closet, and I know what I want now. Although it involves getting used to my new surroundings, and adjusting to this new environment...I'm good to go. How long has it been since I went to Friday's hangout with the lovely teens? Hmms.. since a very very long time. » sigh « They don't bother calling anymore. Oh well, guess it was my fault for not going for so freaking long. Gosh, my rag is getting on my fucking nerves. » grawrs « I'm getting constant side aches that is annoying the crap outta me. » ×_- « What's new anyway. Ohyeah... there are a lot of cocky ass guys out there, running their mouths saying they score something when they didn't. Get a grip and find a REAL girlfriend. About prom? Not gonna go no more. My date said that he thinks I feel uncomfortable, and that he doesn't think we click at all. He's sweet for coming up to me and say that. Truthfully, I wasn't really into the dance anyways. For one thing, I always wanted my first prom to be something magical, something wonderful. I wanted to dance with someone special to me...someone I actually know. Not just, some random guy who needed a date. I didn't feel it. Coincidentally, I forgot all about the mandatory councilor meeting at kids' camp that takes place on the same friday as prom! I need to sleep over until saturday to prepare for the banquet that takes place on saturday. Yayy » ^__^ « I feel so .. wow. And I finally get to be baptised soon! I feel like my life is getting straight again. I guess, everything that happend was a punishment. I felt like I'm the one that was being stepped on. Stupidly wandering around, thinking I'm doing the right things, clueless of my actions. I'm getting sick of the fucking two faced, egoistic people I meet along the way. They are just straglers that are big road blocks for me. Heavy burden. 

And I realized something. It just occured to me, how much I give. I give way too much. Accepting cristisism, rude gestures. Bending low so people could just run be down. I'm sick of it. After the fucking priscilla incident, I thought I was completely over my troubles. I finally vented. And it felt good...for a some time. Then I find cool friends, got into some drama, broke free and ended up with one really close, good friend.  And what.. jealousy, back trashing, and all that shit comes along and fucking trips me over. Gosh, I do think I take things up the ass sometimes..but I notcied I never took friendship up the ass. I valued them. As far as taking them for granted.. I never did. If I look like I do, then sorry if I'm a fucking messed up person. Tell me about it insteal of consoling with someone else, who couldn't possibly change who I am. It was only up to this year did I find companions I thought were understanding. I hate assuming things like that. What the fuck was I thinking, assuming they could possibly understand me. If they did understood me, they wouldn't be assuming themselves. First is the finger pointing..then I had to fucking clear it up, looking like an ass kisser. I felt so low, I never felt even with anybody. It fucking hurts. I fucking felt used. I FUCKING FELT LEFT OUT. I already told you how I felt, and yet you still do the same motherfuckin shit. There were so many times I wanted to say something. I'm not scared to speak my mind. I just don't know what to say. They'll always have something bad about me they wanna throw back. I guess what people say and what they mean are both two different things. Fuck it all. They made me feel like a fucking criminal. I'm the one who orders people around..the one who makes my friends feel inferior. They think that I'm a person who makes others their "side-kicks". Really? Since when? Sorry if I'm stupid. But I'm not gonna make any excuses. Feel what you feel. If you aren't willing to share your feelings, I won't either. That's how the game is, so live with it. Not once did they actually say, "How does Christine feel about this." It always starts with, "Christine, you made her feel this, you made him feel that." How do they think I feel. I fucking cared. They thought they had to put up with my ups and downs, and that I wasn't there for them. Fuck, I was there everytime some shit happend. There to back them up. Whatever.. feel what you feel. For all I know, I don't think anything will be the same anymore. 'Cause for whatever reasons you feel my actions are wrong...you tell me about it. I don't respect people who tells others what they feel about me, when they should be talking to me about it. You're doingboth of us a favor. You can help each other change. I'm not going to be the bigger, dominating person, that always has to do everything first. They work it if they really wanted to solve it. As for now, don't fucking talk to me if you're gonna do the same shit all over again. And dont' fucking get the wrong idea of things when you definitely don't know what's really going on. Oh, and the rumor that I supposedly "wanted to get laid" isn't true. If I wanted to get fucked that bad, i would've done so a long ass time ago.

that's all I got to fucking say.
×33;MYNHi
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