"Let Him Fly"

Ain't no talkin to this man
Ain't no pretty other side
Ain't no way to understand the stupid words of pride
It would take an acrobat, and I already tried all that so
I'm gonna let him fly
Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
You know the light has left his face
But you can't recall just where or why
So there was really nothing to it
I just went and cut right through it
I said I'm gonna let him fly

There's no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
Of the choices we are given it's no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away
But you must always know how long to stay and when to go

And there ain't no talkin to this man
He's been tryin to tell me so
It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat, I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly
I'm gonna let him fly
I'm gonna let him fly

That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?  Thank you Patty Griffin for sharing your gift of words with the world...

I NEED OUT!!!! 

I guess this means I will need to speed up the apartment looking process now, lol.

Why do we girls have to be so stupid???  I haven't written in my xanga site for a hella long time, and then come on to vent...to all 2 people who read my log, doncha just love it?

So anyways back to my question, here is a brief reason why I ask...it would be because, once again, Lorraine has to fall for a guy that she has ABSOLUTELY NO business falling for, and then proceeds to get her heart broken because nothing can work out, at least not for now...why do I suck?  The cool thing is though that the friendship, as far as I can tell, is still there and still strong...I hope.  When everything settles a little bit, I will have that and that to me is the absolute most important thing.  I am so done.  I am tired of having my heart broken without anything for it to break over.  It has been, like, 3 years since I have liked someone to the point of causing me physical pain, and now I remember why I keep myself closed off from that whole shebang.  I am hoping that those who read will understand and if not you can ask...I am happy to talk, it seems to have been my informal therapy this last week.  I do have to say though that I am ready to get my appetite back, although I have had many people comment that I look really good because it looks like I have lost weight.  I look good when I feel like shit...go figure. 

Other than that, life is great.  I am going to go and see Star Wars with one of my bartenders (I really should just start saying my friend, like "my friend, Kevin instead of "my bartender", except that is what he is...) that should be fun.  I hope I'm going to like it and not waste $8...It sounds bitchy, I know, but I am really poor right now and have no sense of money management, so I am trying to be better about it...its ok...you can laugh now, I won't hold it against you. :)

Well that is my life right now, so I am going to go and maybe even get some comments back.  And I will talk to you all soon hopefully, or you can wait for the next month and a half (or some other god-awful long time) for me to update, its ok...

OK...so it's been months since I last posted.  So I figure I can put in a little update.  I am doing the whole school thing and am on the swim team with my brother.  The big thing is that Warren is a whole lot better than I am, which isn't saying much...I need to get back to a school with a crew, then at least I could be good at something. 

I have a job now, whoo hoo.  I work at Lum Lum's which is a bar here in town.  Its a funny thing, most who know me would say that the LAST place that they ever pictured me working was in a bar, but I am having so much fun.  I am a cocktail server and for the most part have a lot of fun.

Now if I could only figure out what I want to do with my life...I feel like I am at a standstill, and I find myself in the "if only" mode.  If only I can get my bachelors degree then things will be better.  If only I was skinnier I could get guys to look at me.  If only I was in better shape I could be better at swimming.  I go through cycles where I am happy with myself, and other times that I seriously doubt that I am worth the space that I take up.  Luckily I am not at the extreem low end, but unfortunately I am not at the high end also.  Oh well...things will end up how they are supposed to. 

Well I am going, and just in case I do not post before next Thursday, HAPPY SAINT PATTYS DAY! 

Well...You can definately say that I am better from my last post.  I am just kinda chillin.  I am house sitting (along with the house comes a neurotic codependent dog, which I love by the way) in Tulare, so far from everyone.  Its cool though.  I have jury duty and being out here gave me a chance to just chill.  Its kinda overwhelming, and can say more when its done.  That is another reason its cool out here.  I can't talk about the case, so out here, I don't have people asking questions.  Its always nice out here though, just a chance to be by myself with OD (short for other dog).  He cracks me up.  When I am there he follows me around everytime I move.  I think he is scared that I will leave him again...which I always wind up doing.  I throw dog treats scattered so that I can get out of the house after setting the alarm.  Being out here and juggling jury duty and classes is not as easy as it sounded at first, but I will have had a good first hand look at the way our justice system works, so that is a plus.  I get along well with the rest of the jury, which is a huge plus.  They are all cool people.  The women definately outnumber the men :)

Well that is a slice in the life of me right now.  Ha ha

Catch y'all on the flip side!!