A Question of Mortality...

Lately I've been thinking about life. It's a strange concept to me now days, and it feels strange just to see myself write that. After my daughter was born, it was like the winds changed and transported me to an alternate universe. Don't mistake me...I love my daughter and wouldn't give her up for anything...this is just me questioning everything I know...or think I know.

I have no doubts about the "afterlife" concerning the final destination of our souls beign either paradise or oblivion...but can that really be all? I'm not concerned about what happens in hell...that one's too obvious...full of pain and misery... I'm a Christian...I believe that those who follow God's word will end up in heaven worshiping him for all eternity...but what else?? Is that really all there is too it? maybe that's why so many people don't want to give their lives to Him. Could it be that we are so seriously in love with how we live now that the belief of doing nothing for eternity scares us more than living in pain forever? I just don't know.

it's said that God knows your every move before you think it...that means our lives are predetermined...that means we're controlled by our fate...there's nothing we can do that would surprise the One who created us...then perhaps "purpose" has little meaning in our lives...even if we change our mind at the utmost last breath we take, He already knew we would...right? that's what we always hear...

I don't deny that I continue to have faith in my God...but faith in myself is another story...if the human race's only purpose in life is to worship, then why do we even bother doing anything else? EVERYTHING ELSE HAS BEEN CLASSIFIED AS SATANIC AND EVIL AND AGAINST GOD!! I mean, I can't even watch a simple cartton without wondering if I'm getting carried away in my imagination.

Once I was told that because I used writing to vent my anger and temporarily escape this world, I was trying to denounce God and his existance. I was told that such things were childish...I love God...I love Jesus...but I can't stand this world sometimes...why am I not allowed to escape it, even if just for a short while, in my imagination?! Can anyone answer that question?!

What's wrong with having imaginary friends? I'm alone most of the time while my daughter sleeps and my husband works...and when I'm at work, I'm stuck flowing in the stream of the stupid world...I'm tired...so tired...all of these things...they are just bottled up inside...waiting to spill out...it's like I'm trapped in another world...within my own body...and if I can't break free...I can't break free...break free...

There's no one else in this world like me...I'm 22 years old, and I'm still trying to play "make believe" like I'm 4...I'm still trying...to escape the worries...the fears...the confusion...the noise...

I do not fear my mortality...I fear not knowing "what's next"...I do not fear my destination...I fear "what will I do there"...

I do not wish for an immortal life...just one where people will stop telling me to grow up and get in line. Youth is wasted on today's kids...they think they're better than older generations...they don't know what they're throwing away with their drugs and alcohol and sexual desires...fools...to live like you were dying causes you to die faster! If you really wanted to live that way you'd think about eternity more often!

Embrace every minute you have. leave the world for a short while if you must. dream. laugh. play. thank God every morning for another day. don't try to grow up so fast. you don't have to. don't be afraid. that is how enemies control you. *sighh* not that any of this matters...nothing I say can change the mind of the whole world...and I shed my tears for that...

It's just a simple question of mortality...

Find Me On Quizilla!

Hey guys! I probably won't be on this site very often anymore! I originally wanted to use this weblog so people could read my stories, but I didn't get very many responses on that. So, I've opened an account on Quizilla.com to post my novels and fan fictions on. You can find my work there under the screen name DarkfireDragoness. You can even rate the stories on the 1-5 scale.

You don't have to be a registered user to read/rate my work, but you do if you want to send a message...that will be the only reason I keep this and my myspace pages, for those who'd like to read the stories can leave messages here for me.

Currently Listening Transformers: The Movie By Various Artists Theme-MUTEMATH see related

Breakdancing Transformers!

I shall call it...Classic Cross Fire!

Whyd do I call it classic? well, because this is how I perceive the super heroes you would see in the old Marvel and/or DC comics. you know, the muscles showng through tight, colorful, and unrealistic-lookin spandex and the absolutely unnecessary speedo-looking underwear they wear over everything. Well, at least in the comics they didn't look quite that bad...nothing ever looks bad on paper, that's why  thought I could get away wth doing this ^^ that and I had permission to play around a little!

This version of CF is a rendition of a bible verse that CF's creator based most of his "powers" on. In this case the part of that verse that reads "...they will soar high on wings like eagles'..."

Also, I had the information given that I left off his cape on the last pic, so I incorporated the cape turning into the fire wings.

Hope it's liked!.

Cross Fire Concept Art

Hey folks! Long time no visit, heh? Anyways, I thought I would post this concept art I drew of my friend's super hero character Cross Fire the Crusader (you should visit his xanga site!):