whoa

Currently Listening Heaven By Dj Sammy & Yanou see related

Someone

Currently Listening Truly Madly Deeply By Cascada see related

New Year Resolutions

Yes, I am very late for this post.  But it took me a while.  I know a lot of people think about their resolutions before the New Year comes because they want that head start - they want to PLUNGE right in.  For me, this year is different because it is so unlike every other new year I've had, so it took a little while but I've got.  Ready, boys and girls?  Let's go. (FYI: when I name things specifically, it's more for me than for you, so you can just skip over those parts)

1. Find inner peace, beauty, and love through eating healthier, reintroducing myself to yoga and writing, and separating my body from numbers.  Ladies and Gents, you know what numbers I'm talking about.  The scale!  The size on my jeans! This is the first time I am publicly declaring this: I have body image issues.  I don't think I am beautiful.  I think I could be thinner.  Bottomline, folks, I've never been 100% comfortable with myself on the outside.  I know, I know: who is?  But I KNOW I can do better.  Lately, I've been reading "Eat Pray Love" and its about this woman's amazing journey to find herself through a year long journey to find pleasure in food, calmness in faith, and balance in love.  The funny thing is I bought that book after I broke up with Dave and was in the midst of inner turmoil in the summer.  I haven't finished it yet and don't want to because I am SO inspired by her journey.  Yet, I am looking forward to it because then, I can let go of her and her journey and begin my own.

2. Reconnect and stay connected with old friends.  They say that the older you get, the less you make meaningful connections with those around you. It makes perfect sense: when you are young, you are completely submerged in this context to network and get to know people through classes, clubs, associations, bars, part-time jobs, church, youth groups, Girls Scouts, you name it.  When you get older, you basically see the same people over and over again.  I realized lately that I've met some INCREDIBLE people in my short lifetime and would love to keep them close if they would have me.  I've got a couple I'd like to name.  First, there's Rowie (you are probably reading this post right now).  She was my go-to-girl whenever I had an issue with Dave.  She was my vball buddy, bubble tea buddy, you name it.  After seeing her briefly a couple times over last year, I ran into her at Macy's (surprise) and we had a brief but very relieving conversation.  I realized that I kept Rowie in a specific frame of mind, the "Dave" frame, and didn't realize that we could be so much more than that.  I guess she's still my go-to-girl. And I mean, shes a bombshell too, who wouldn't want to be lifelong buddies with her?  Next, there's Phillip.  My dear Phillip, who was my breakfast buddy for my years in high school.  It was him that actually sparked me to embark on a journey to reconnect with old friends.  He was my something stable in high school., especially senior year when I was dealing with the stuff with my sister.  You could always count on Phillip to have breakfast with you, except for when he didn't feel like coming to school. He was the first person to ever buy me shoes and the first to call me Mom.  This brings me to all my close high school buddies: Kiyomi, Krystle, Sylvia.  These girls are amazing and are each SO spectacular and talented.  I could always count on them to make me something memorable: a sketch, a shadow box, a scarf. 

3. Make and keep new friends.  I know, I know - this sounds SO fifth grade. But, truth is, I am such a homebody and never want to go anywhere.  I don't want to make friends just to make them.  But there have been some folks catching my eye and I would like to build a bond with them.  Sisi, someone I have shared some tender moments with, even though we've really only been in each other's presence for like 2 days.  Josh, three words: One Tree Hill - I'm hooked.

And that's my top three ladies and gents.  Everything else: school, career *screams*, family - those things I am always working on, so no resolutions on those.

Like Jomana used to call me: Jacks with the Macks

Making "peesh"

I am finally making peace with this...and yes, it's been a long time coming...my head was just catching up and settling itself.

I think I am ready: I am not a dancer.  Never was, never will be.

*phew* that felt good

Frusfusion (frustrated and confused)

Since I am taking my next year off of school (because I will be in school for 4-7 years after that), I have been hitting the job market looking for possible jobs that will tickle my fancy for next year or at least past my time and somehow contribute to society.

The more I look, I realized, is that my degree is not really worth that much in the job market.  Sure, plenty of jobs say "Bachelor's degree required."  The more I look, I realize that this is motivation for me to take this year off and really enjoy it and even moreso for me to continue going to school.  Sure, when I get out of school, most of my peers would have been at their jobs for a while, probably raking in more money than I can count and probably owns a car and house with some little devils running around.  But I know that when that happens, I would be able to go into a career I am passionate about - a career that is not about physical presence or labor, a career that is not about menial details - but a career that is forward focused, a career that can help propel the world of academe into an age like nothing it has ever seen. 

My New Year's resolution (moreso next couple years) is to be a renowned Asian American Psychology professor/counselor.  My ideal job is a duo appointment as a professor and counselor, eventually leading to a tenure-track position.

Haha, I was NOT joking when I said that I am going to stay in college forever.

Moreover, I had a very realistic epiphany during my job search: what of the people we know that don't make it? The ones who didn't make it into or through undergrad?  This is how the world sets itself into a scale.  For a while, I have been ignorant, thinking that EVERYONE goes through college and becomes some successful bigshot so that eventually there is no poor or working class.  I was DEAD wrong.  The people who don't make it are those that partake in the service industry: retail, restaurant management, etc.  I am not saying that some of these folks do not enjoy what they do and prefer what they do over something more lucrative.  I am saying that the thought that two people growing up in the exact same environment can lead two VERY different careers and lives is MIND BOGGLING - and it goes to show that in the end, it is what makes that person happy and makes them tick.  It is just up to the rest of the world to rid itself of judgement, accept it and be happy for them.  Who REALLY gets to say that one path is more worthwhile than another?  Surely some jobs get paid more - who cares?!?!.  But honestly, between being Paris Hilton or a counselor, I'd choose to be a counselor.  Sad thing is, boys and girls, me and very few people actually don't care - everyone else, well...they do and they make up the majority of the world and they will judge your worth based on your salary, your academic achievement, your ethnic background, your place of birth.

My only beef with "do what makes you happy" is that some folks take that so literally and don't think about consequences.  And those consequences, girls and boys, can be lifelong.