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Birthday: 11/3/1957
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Member Since: 4/13/2003

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

OMG!

I can't believe it's been almost another month! Geeze summer does take it's toll on things! Sorry about that! I'm suprised anyone at all stops in anymore! But lets have some fun for a bit, shall we?

First lets have some fun with the top 10 women drivers of the year!

10th Place

9th

8th

7th

6th

5th

4th

Bronze

Silver

Gold

Hahahahahaha

Now wasn't that fun?

Now how about some fun t-shirts? I'm sure we've all seen some of these, but I know some were new to me! Here we go!

Hehehehehehe

I love it!

Yup!

Me too!

It does!

It might be worth it!

Bet he never had it!

So true!

I didn't know they came battered?

I'd love to!

Now that's just sick, and funny!

And I'm so glad!

So true!

I'd love that!

I'll bet!

I'd love to be the judge!

Indeed it does!

Again so true!

We do????

Gotta love a Harley girl!

And finally... (Are you still with me here?)

In case you can't read the small print on the red shirt: "Sex is like snow - you never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last"

Oh yeah.... I forgot to tell you all I lost my job! At the company picnic it was decided that we could only have one drink, and it was my job to get the cups......

Hey everybody was happy though! (Thanks Skitch!)

So I got arrested, but it was all worth it in the end....

I love handcuffs!

And last, but not least, I'll leave you with some signs of the times!

Hope you had fun! Until next time!

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon :
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
************ **************

On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business"
**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

*************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office : 

 "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************


At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************


In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

At the Electric Company :
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait. " 
*****************************


At a Propane Filling Station
,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak ."

Cheers!


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

OOOOOOOPPPPPSSSSS!

Well I certainly hadn't realized how long it's been! Oh my!

Boy I better come up with something funny now!

First lets pick on our friends, the rednecks!

Redneck Harley!

Bass boat!

Grill!

Horse shoes!

Lawn mower... (I think this is kinda cool!)

Weather station!

Cat Transport!

Gingerbread house!

Wedding reception! (I like this!)

Cat! (My kind of cat!)

Guest houses!

Palm pilot!

And Finally, a Redneck lottery winner!

Now wasn't that fun!

I'd like to talk about talk show hosts...

We get Oprah....

This is and Italian talk show host!

Life just isn't fair! Maybe I'll move to Italy!

And speaking of Italy, that reminds me about wine! Here's my little wine story!

I was at a friends house recently and he gave me a glass of wine. It was sooooo good. I wrote down the name and vintage and stopped by the wine store the next day to pick up a bottle. When they told me it was twenty-five dollars a bottle I was going to opt for something in the ten to fifteen dollar range. It was then the shop owner explained to me with a chart why some wines are much more expensive and after he explained it to me I bought two bottles of the more expensive wine. I asked him for a copy of his chart so I could share it online. If you like a good glass of wine and have shied away from the more expensive labels this presentation should convince you as to why it is more pleasurable to go for the more expensive brands.





 
Why a good bottle of wine costs so much........
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well that explains that now, doesn't it?!?!?! 

Now this isn't funny, but it's very very cool!

German Parking Garage This is pretty amazing! Can you imagine how all this operates? How do they lock each car in its cubicle for safety. WHO CARES. NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND COULD GET IN THERE.
Talk about German efficiency! The two photos below were taken at a new parking garage in Munich. The actual space that the facility occupies is approximately only 20% of a comparable facility with the traditional design that is used primarily in the US. Not only is the German structure less expensive to build, but vehicles are also "retrieved" in less time and without the potential of being damaged by an attendant.

Cool huh?

One last thought to leave you all with!

When a man comes home from work
after a really difficult day at the golf
course, nothing brightens his spirits
and makes him feel more appreciated
than being met at the door by the
smiling face of the woman he loves

with an ice cold beer in her hand!!

Cheers!

 

 


Thursday, April 27, 2006

Dear Abby,

I have been so blessed in my life. Great parents, great wife and kids,
great job, and a great education.

When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait &Tackle Shop, I got talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing: she not only refuses to join us, she complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam caught what must have been his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.

What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby, or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?

Thanks,
A fisherman


P.S. I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass that we caught.
 
 
 
Dear Fisherman,

Get rid of that  narrow-minded wife.

Abby

**************************************************************************************


Thursday, April 13, 2006

Greetings, and Happy Easter to All!

Well I have several different things to cover this day that I hope will give you all a giggle!

Lets see.... Where to start?

How about when your parents get carried away with the colored egg thing...

Hehehehehe!

And if you're paying attention, Jesus will tell you when you're driving too fast!

I love it!

Now I just got done watching ABC's mini series of the Ten Commandments, and though I thought it was more realistic than the good old DeMille version, it just didn't measure up in any way shape or form. Charlton Heston is the best. I found myself wondering why they had to wander the desert for 40 years! I found out why....

Aha!

OK... Enough about Easter...

I gotta ask you all this... Would you use this rest room!

This is real! No shit!

This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston...

That's the outside....

And that's the inside!

Made entirely of one way glass!

Well could you use it????

******************************************************

Think you're having a bad day?

How about getting this poor guy's car out of the bay!

OK.. The wrecker's arrived!

Gotcha!

Almost.....

Oh No! Looks like we're gonna need a bigger wrecker!

There! That's better!

Oh oh! Who's gonna explain this to the insurance company?

*****************************************************

Seems like everyone liked those painted ladies and their beds!

Well here's another outstanding paint job!

I just wanna kiss her ear rings! Cool huh?

***********************************************************

I'm gonna leave you with some reading to do!

(I know. This is a long post! Saved more than I thought I guess!)

Ever wonder about some of the sayings we us?

Well this should shed some light on where they come from!

1. In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him
standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many
people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.
Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."

2. As incredible as it sounds, in the 1700's men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)!  Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs.  Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool.  They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig."  Today we often use the term "here comes the Big
Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

3. In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor  Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit
in the chair meant you were important and in charge.  They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."

4. Personal hygiene left much room for improvement.  As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax."  Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile" In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

5. Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.

6. Common entertainment included playing cards.  However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of
Spades."  To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be
stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

7. Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important.  Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there."  The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."

8. At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's."

9. One more: bet you didn't know this! In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons.  Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?  The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey.  Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
(and all this time, you thought it was a nasty/improper expression, didn't you?)

******************************************

There... See you had some fun and I'll bet you learned something!

Until next time!

Cheers!


Friday, March 31, 2006

Greetings!

Well I guess I didn't get shut down yet! I'll have to check my vampire friend later!

How about we have some fun!

You may remember some time back I did a post on painted girls, (Which I may do again btw).... Well I have heard that in Brazil they have found a new way to sell beds! Check this stuff out... Outstanding!

Now I ask you.. Is that not just too cool!

Did you hear Boing lost out on a contract to Airbus????

I think when you see the following pictures you'll know why....

The Airbus!

Now doesn't that look comfy?

TV screens all over!

Wonderful dining!

Nice lounge!

And fight attendants that can't be beat!

I'm off to get my ticket!

I'll just leave you with one more thing to think about!

Hahahahahahaha!

Cheers!



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