Laur2122's Xanga

The Day Before You...

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:01:14 GMT

I know no one reads these things anymore, but I still find them helpful every once in a while to just get my feelings out. Really I'm just avoiding my stupid biology project. Its due on monday, and I know I won't want to do it over the weekend, my classes got cancelled for today, and yet, here I sit, not doing it. Oh well. I'm sure I'll eventually get around to it. I always do. Anyway, I'm really starting to see IU as more of an annoyance than anything. The programs here are completely ridiculous. The biology and math classes for the elementary education major is hardly relevent to anything a teacher should or will do. It's completely frustrating. I'm not exactly sure what to do about it. Especially since Math and Science are my worst subjects. Actually, all subjects are my worst subjects. I'm not even sure why I'm going into education. Too late now. Anyway, moving on. Like I said, my classes got cancelled for today, so I was able to sleep in really late (11:30am!) and then get up, shower, watch some Law&Order, do my poetry assingment, and stare at my biology book. It's been pretty nice. Now if only that phone would ring. I don't know quite what to make of the fact that my world revolves around Matt ha ha. I mean, its completely and blatantly obvious that I'm in love with him, and I plan on being with him forever. I'm starting to think, talking to him and knowing I'm with him, is the ONLY thing that gets me through the day. I mean, I really don't like school, the weather in Indiana sucks, I don't care about anyone but him, and even if I only talk to him for 10 minutes, its enough to make me smile and push thorough. I wish we could be together all the time. It sure takes a toll on a heart having to be so far away for so long, but I know God gave him and the situation to me for a reason, and if I had it to do all over, I'd choose the same path. Matt is amazing. I can't even begin to tell you. Gah! I love him so much! I wish I could see him :( Anyway, I guess thats about all for me for now. I don't really have much else to say...other than the fact, some song on my iTUNES just came on, and I have no idea what it is, but its horrible..."Happy Go Lucky" by the Steps...something off of the Princess Diaries soundtrack....that explains a lot. ugh. There we go..."Tennessee" by the Wreckers. Much better. That reminds me, I really want to move to Tennessee. It just seems like my kind of place. I think, after college, Matt and I are going to look into that :) I mean, I really do believe "things are sweeter in Tennessee"...why not? :) Thats all for this girl, later on y'all,

-xoxo

-LB

Here I go::
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only
my only one

Thanksgiving...

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 15:58:41 GMT

So, it's almost time. I leave today to go home for Thanksgiving break, and I'm so excited. But, one thing I've learned by being at a school with so many different people, is that not everyone shares the same excitement as I. I mean, I've always known that, I've always known that people have different traditions, or no traditions, some families don't get along, but I've never actually been in a situation where I really have to pay attention to that. My best friend doesn't even get a Thanksgiving this year, and it makes me so sad. But, some friends that I've made here just don't even want to go home. How horrible is that? I feel awful. But I guess this year, I really am giving thanks for the family I was given. True, things don't always go my way, and I feel like like is unfair because Matt doesn't get to come home this year, and maybe not for Christmas either, but at least I have my family behind me 100%. I am so lucky. I can only hope I'm doing my job in showing my family what they really do mean to me. I'd be so lost without them. I can't imagine not being with my family for the holidays. I mean, there'd be no meeting at my Grandparent's with all of my dad's side (not knowing who half of the relatives are), no homemade noodles, no laughter from my Uncle Buck's jokes, no having my great uncle's teasing me about my love life, no running around with my cousins, no scooby-doo marathons, no decorating the tree after dinner, no putting in the Christmas cd's and singing christmas carols on the two-hour ride home, no feeling the warmth rush in as I enter my Grandparent's house, no men vs. women in trivial pursuit (the same one they've played so many years they have the questions memorized), no homemade ice-cream, no coffee and pumpkin pie, no getting told "I'm proud of you", no waking up the next morning to monkey-bread (its a breakfast food...i promise), no watching a movie w/ all of my cousins, no laughing at something funny Shelby (my cousin) did, no "remembering the good ol' days". Just, all of the little things, I couldn't imagine my life without. And I'm so sorry that some people don't get to have that feeling, that comfort, that pure happiness. I love my family. I love my life. And I really don't give thanks for that enough. :)

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 02:01:08 GMT

Do you ever wait for something all day, like a phone call, all day, and then get it, and it sucks? Yeah. I hate that. You spend the whole day waiting for this one phone call to make your day so much better, and when you finally pick up the phone, the party on the other line just is nothing but lame towards you. I really really hate that. It makes me feel as though I'm not important, like I'm just another task they have to fulfill for that day. Like, its in a rule book or something, so they call because they "have" to. I hate it so so so so so so much. Blah. Whatev. I guess there are things in our lives we'll all just "have" to get used to.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 02:58:29 GMT

Do you ever feel like, well, people suck? Like, you try and confide in the one person that means the most, and they shut you down? Or they don't have time? Yeah. Story of my life lately. I'm trying so hard to be here for my friends, and some of them just aren't pulling their weight in return, and it really sucks. And some of them are just being stupid, and I want so badly to tell them, but I can't. Another thing, I'm so ready to get my music career started again. I'm ready to cut and record and just let it all go. Gah. Life. People. Lame. I just feel like, I know who I want to be, what I want to do, who I want along for the ride...its just the matter of, finding out how the hell I'm going to get there.

Everything Changes...

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 02:25:18 GMT

You know, it's really hard for me to put a finger on the emotion I'm feeling. I mean, there are aspects of my life that are wonderful, and amazing...but then there are others that are just filled with sorrow, because there is nothing I can do to stop it. Like the fact, I'm realizing that certain people are slipping away from me. People are becoming older, and fragile. And then its almost like I feel bad for being so completely happy because I'm completely in love and have amazing friends. I often find myself forgetting to send up a little prayer, for (especially one person) the people I'm closest to, who need it the most. I have family members struggling in their lives every day, and its just like, I completely push it out of my head because I don't want to deal with the harsh reality. Its hard to be that close to someone and just watch them slowly fade away from who they used to be. I'm so angry at time right now I could just cry. Infact, I am. And its not even the people who are closest to me. I was reading "All Quiet on the Western Front" today, and had to close the book, shed a tear, and collect myself before finishing because it made me think of Matt and the other people who are giving their lives for this country and other countries. And I know that it isn't WWI, and we have better procedures medically and military ways, but its still so hard to think about what some of these people have gone through, could go through, or are going through. Gah. Idk. I just, don't really know what to do. I don't want to have one of those days where I wake up, and it's too late. Anyway, thats all for me. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight all.

*Laur*

Friday, September 21, 2007

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 03:49:51 GMT

So...long time, no write. It's been a few months. Its been a crazy few months. It's been a hard few months. I'm starting to define myself. Know who I am. Know what my passion in life is. And thats writing music. And by writing music, I mean lyrics and singing w/ my guitar...none of that composition stuff. But yeah. I love it. I can't even begin to tell you how it makes me feel, once I feel accomplished. Gah. I love it. And yeah...Matt and I are still together and going strong. I love that boy oh so much! Um...sophomore year of college. It's okay. I kind of wish, I weren't doing the whole college thing sometimes though. I wish I could be on the road with my music. But, education comes first...just incase. Idk...that was just a brief update on my life. Not that really anyone reads these things anymore...but yeah. Thats all for tonight. I might start using this a little more, just to get out bottled up feelings, and because I know it really doesn't matter because no one reads this lol. Yeah, so, thats all for me. Goodnight lovelies.

*Laur*

Um...

Mon, 21 May 2007 02:35:05 GMT

I just, miss you.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:51:08 GMT

So I haven't thourougly written in this thing for a while. Basically I'm just using this as my venting process for now. So, I don't even know where I'm going to go with this. Friendship is a powerful thing. It isn't fair that it can be thrown away because of something stupid. Speaking of stupid...School. I hate it right now. I don't think professers understand that we have other stuff we have to do. Yeah yeah, thats a part of growing up, I know. But still, no one wanted to grow up that fast, so wouldn't you think people would have learned that? And another thing. Love. If you love someone, you should love their faults too. But if you truely love them, in your eyes, their faults really aren't faults, are they? And how is it fair to tell me that I've changed and then not back up how? The only way I have changed this year is the fact that I have grown up. I'm more independent, I have my priorities straight, and I've made new friends. I'm sorry that you feel left behind, I'm sorry that you feel left out, I'm sorry that you don't like the person I've become, but I am happy with who I have become. God made me this way, and I'm proud of that. I'm not a bad person, and its not fair for you to make me feel as such. Honestly. This year has been the hardest of my life. Ever. Would it have killed you to have supported me a little more? I highly doubt it. It is possible to go to parties and NOT drink. I've been doing it all year. Why can you have fun on your days off, but I can't on mine? I don't understand. And then, when you decided I wasn't enough for you, and I decided to move on with my life, you came back, acted fine, and then just dropped me, again. Are you sure its worth it? I don't understand you. And you, the other one, I have done NOTHING to you. So you treating me like some high school friend who bought the same prom dress as you and looks better in it, is stupid. Yeah, I know you're a boy, but you are acting like a big, stupid, high school girl right now. I am the same person I was three weeks ago. And I do have feelings. Ugh. I'm just done. I'm done with it all. I'm not going to feel bad for who I am. I've grown into myself, I'm happier with who I am, and I have done nothing wrong. okay...i'm done ranting for now. Someday I'll figure this out. The end.

*lauren*

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 04:28:57 GMT

And...its almost over. Thank-The-Lord.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 17:29:14 GMT

Yep. Life is crazy. But hey, its mine to live. So I will.