Blogs from Myspace

So I know my most recent blogs have been up and down and somewhat confusing and even disparaging but I come baring good news.  Test week is over and I only have one story due this week. So now it'll be much easier on your heart to read this without being filled with pity. Anywho, on with my story.

I encounteredmy first real punks today. Let me clear up a few meanings of the word -- none of which I associate with the word but a reader of this might.  Not some teeny boppers going through an odd stage in their life and fully clad in hot topic attire. Not a gay guy. And not those things you light fireworks with.  By punks I mean everything in my mind that has come to represent punks; something that could have walked right out of SLC punk. This also demonstrates what I mean by encountered. If I wanted to touch them, I could have, without just talking to  Now someone from somewhere may say "Big woohoo." but living in southeast Christian, prodiminently black, and overbearing Louisiana this is a rare occurence.  I've encountered several goths but alot of them tend to be somewhat questionable. Back to my story.  I encountered my first real punks.  I was waiting in Cortana mall for some friends that I'd offered to do a good deed by bringing them to the mall for a fitting when I saw them. I'm not sure if it was because after an hour and a half of being engrossed in Marilyn Manson's biography or the uniqueness of the occurence but I got really excited and held my breath as they passed the chair I was sitting in.  I saw an old jean jacket with many patches and the only one I had time to read was The Dead Kennedys.  There were also faded jackets, gauges, and combat boots.  They came and went so fast that I decided I wanted to see more. I stirred to stalk them and went to the once place felt a real punk would be left to go in a typical mall like cortana: the music store.  When I got there, I watched for a while as they poked at CDs, pushed each other, and laughed.  It was like seeing an endangered species. I was so excited and I still wish I had a camera to have taken a picture.  Everyone from this area would have thought the picture to be from th 70's or 80's. Strange. But I was excited about it.\

I’m so glad to know that you have so much faith in me Let me start this blog off with a well qualified UGH. Now, I know I'm the baby of my mother's family (and the middle child of my fathers which is perhaps why I give him the most trouble) but still. I recently found that....err.. some have no faith in me. I was "only allowed to come to LSU" because my sister lives out here and would be here if I needed anything or in other words keep a close eye on me.  This was one of the more discouraging things my mother said in my life.  I should've figured this when I spoke to her about going to grad school in Rochester, New York and she said "Don't move where you have no family because everybody is not going to be able to drop what they are doing and come to where you are." What the fuck??? Seriously, if something that horrible happened to me, to where I needed my family right there with me, I would hope at least someone would be able to drop what ever the fuck they are doing and come to my aid.  My family doesn't really know me. Well except maybe my sister who does happen to live in another state.  They don't know my dirty little secrets. I now know why I always feel like I'm being judged...because I have to hide how I really live from my family members.  Everyone is always shaking their fucking finger at me, telling me what I should and shouldn't do because they have expierenced so much and they don't want me to go through that blah blah blah blah WHO GIVES A FUCK??? Seriously though, I'm not an idiot.  The only difference between me and my family members is that my 19th birthday is arriving soon and I'M NOT PREGNANT! My mom and my sister were both pregnant or had a child by 19.  My brother didn't have kids till he was like 29 or something but he was still living with my mom and didn't really go to college.  How is that they think they have to be so god damn protective of me but I'm doing the best out of all of them at my age?  I'm getting a fucking degree in mass comm at LSU.  I'm writing for the school newspaper which will give my ass some awesome creditials. I'm not pregnant. I'm not a drug addict. Yes I drink occasionally but i've never killed anyone because I'M NOT STUPID.  I understansd there are some things I do need advice about and when those situations arise I will ask for it.  Maybe I should go get pregnant. Or maybe drop out of school and go live back at home with my mother and work at McDonalds for the rest of my natural fucking life. Afterall, according to my mom, my sister thinks I'm "not adjusting to college life like i should be." And my mom thinks I shouldn't be stressed because I don't have bills to pay. ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? I'm just so glad to know that they always talk about how great I'm doing and how well I will do but they always seem to undermine that supposed faith in me.  Then my sister thinks I'm entering the gay world but for anyone who thinks that....well they can suck my fucking dick.  ha ha. ugh ugh ugh ugh.  I've been harboring this pretty much all week and if you check out my previous blog, you will see this didn't prove well to add to the stress I shouldn't have because I don't play bills.  My mom never went to college so I guess I can't blame her for understanding the stress that comes with doing well in college.  THIS IS MY FUCKING LIFE. I can't just join the police department and be happy fuck that. Now, I'm going to go buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke the whole thing. Disclaimer: None of the family members this applies to can see this...for good reason.   NOLA Original New Orleans, Louisiana. A truely unique place. The food, people, music, places, buildings, art...everything. Citizens of this once great city are now spread across the country because of Katrina.  They are stuck in places with bland food, inhospitable people, boring music, generic places, and generic buildings.  But now an even worse phenomenom is taking place in Louisiana.  I don't know if this was happening before Katrina because, well I never paid much attention.  Along with the explosion of Fleur de lis in modern cult fashion/tattoos, many people that are genuinely from Louisiana claim to be from New Orleans. Please, I beg of you, refrain.  You are bringing down the quality that is New Orleans culture. Many people from Laplace and areas like that claim to be from New Orleans so they can seem "cool".  They figure who wouldn't want to be able to say at one point that they are from NOLA or lived there. Let me inform you now, You were born in ________(fill in blank with LaPlace, Chalmette, Metarie, Kenner or some other place that ISN'T New Orleans) therefore you are from _______(place mentioned before) NOT New Orleans, Louisiana. I know some people who have moved from Laplace to New Orleans and they do live there. But when you live in Laplace, please LEARN THE MOTHERFUCKING DIFFERENCE.  Do you claim to be from New Orleans because on the weekends you take the drive down to Bourbon street and get drunk/high? I bet there are at least a handful of tourist that know the french quarter like the back of their hand because they come down every year or so for some of the festivities or what not. But they don't live in/aren't from New Orleans.  But thats the problem with people from other places in Louisiana.  Let me ask you a question then, if someone told you to go somewhere on Bullard, or the Service road would you be able to? Did you know there were two Canals not just the one Canal St but Canal blvd also?  That is just a tiny fraction of what I believe someone who is FROM New Orleans or in actuality lives there should know. I am from New Orleans.  My family has lived there for a long time.  My family is from New Orleans.  My birth certificate shows that I was born in New Orleans East. So just because I lived in the shit hole that is Laplace, Lousiana for 4 miserable, horrible, painstaking years of my life don't think for one fucking minute that I would ever claim to be from there.  You know why, because I'm a NOLA original. Any comments. Message me so I can properly respond. I really do hate Laplace and most of the people in it.  I hate it.  And I could care less if the whole city burned to the ground and all the little people who think they are the biggest shit in the world have to go out into the real world and realize "Fuck, I really don't matter." just like everyone else in the world feels.

vampire love!

My smile blossomed. "you mean like this?" Feeling wicked, i pulled out the sweatshirt and slipped it on over my top. Holding my arms about myself, i shifted back and forth, my eyes closed and brething deeply. I didn't care that the reason he smelled goowas from a thousand years of evolution to make it easier for him to find prey. "you wicked wicked witch" Kisten whispered The sudden heat in his voice pulled my eyes open. He took a slow breath, his entire body moving. "oh god you smell good." "
"yeah what about now?" Grinning, i did jumping jacks, knowing the the mexiing of our scents would drive him slightly nuts. As expected his eyes dialted with a sudden blood lust, flshing to black. "Rachel" he said, his voice strained"dont"
Giggling, i evaded his reaching hand "wait wait" Igasped. " i can make it worse" "stp" Kisten said, his voice low and contorlled. here was a hint of threat in it and when he reached for me again, i shrieked, darting around the end of the bed. With ampire quickness, he followed , my back hitting the wall witha breah-stealing thump as he pinned me.
Eyes crinkled and smiling, i wiggled and twisted, enjoying pushing his buttons. After only a token show of resistance, i stopped, letting him find my mouth.
My breah left me in a slow sound as i eased against him, my arms crucnhed between us His grip on my shoulders was firm and dominating. Posessive. But i knew he'd let go if i made on real motion to break free. Soft jazz completed my mood.
His fingers clenched and released, his lips moving lower until his mouth brushed my ching, following the line of my jaw to the hollow under my ear. My heart pounded and i tilted my head. In a suprised sound, my breath escaped when the tingling at my scar surgerd. With the quickness and sudden shock of a flag snapping in the wind, heat scoured me, following my veins and settling into an insistent pounding-demanding i follow it through to its natural end.
Kisten felt it, and as his breath quickend i pulled my hands from between us, sending my fingers to the nape of his neck. My eyes closed as i felt his need, his desire, beat on mine to make it stronger. A sound escaped me as his kips worked gently on my old scar. My body rebelled at the surge of his passion, and my knees gave way. He was read for it, holding me firm to him. I wanted this. God, how i wanted it. I should have tried wearing something of his ages ago. "Rachel" he whispered, his breathing harsh and heavy with desire.
"what?" i ptanted, my blood still humming though his lips weren't on my scar anymore. "don't ever wear anything of mine again. I can't.." i froze not understanding. I made a motion to break free, but he held me firm. Fear scoured painfully where passion once ran. My eyes flicked to his, seeing them lost and black, then to his mouth. He wasn't wearing his caps. Shit i had pushed him too far
"I can't let got of you" He said, his lips not mving.
Adrenaline surged and a drop of sweat formed at his hairline. shit shit shit shit i was in trouble my gaze flicked to the glint of fang at the corner of his mouth. From one breath to the next the cin of desire has flipped from sex to blood. Damn the next ten seconds were going to be really dicey.
"i think i can let go if you aren't afraid" he said fear and blood lust mixed in his voice.
I couldn't look away from his black eyes. I could notlook from his eys. While Kisten unconsciously dumped pheromones into the aire to make my vampire scar send wave after wave of passion through me in time wth my hammering pules, my gut twisted.
Mind racing, i forced my breathing to slow and even. Fear would trip him over the edge. I'd pulled Ivy down once, and i knew if he was still talking then odds were highly in my favor."Lidten" i said, the ecstasy from my vampire scar mixin with my fear in an unreal slurry. It felt good. It was a rush. tThe trill of skydiving and sex all at the same time. I knew that letting him bite me would triple the sensation. And i was going to let go of him and pushin him away. " im going to close my eyes because i trust you." i said.
It would feel so damn goo to let him bite me, his teethsinking eep, pulling me to him, the pain twisted to pleasure, scouring through me like fire and stealing my breatth, taking me to imagined hieghts of ecstasy.

A Fistful of Charms

By:Kim Harrison

So today in Van Alstyne's class we had to write a "Who Are You?" paper.

So have you ever had this feeling that everything you used to be isn't quite what you are now?  Do you know that your scapegoat if long gone off into the mountain with your flaws?  All your newly developed aches and pains or the ones you haven't learned to quell are pounding more than ever. With no renewal for your worn out joy what do you do.  The same thread through the same hole doesn't stitch but instead makes the hole bigger. Pressures from blood make you uneasy and resonate on those open wounds. Maybe its not only the loneliness but nothing to make me happy is what is destroying what is left of my kind heart.  Soon enough all that will be left is a big black gaping hole.

I sound like a fucking emo kid. I need to do some drinking/smoking.

Okay.  So i pretty uch hated life then.  Ha ha.  LIfe still isn't fantastic but people spend their life wanting better things right?

i have 3 tattoos as of monday.  My spiderweb, my Nola Orginial, and now sisters on my arm(not that great but i got it for my sister). 

I got that job with the Daily Reveille at LSU. Check it out at www.lsureveille.com

But anyway I am enjoying college and now that i'm back in LaPlace, I miss the red stick more than ever.  I made some great friends and the freedom is AMAZING. i do miss my old friends. and wish I had better grades but you know whatever.

Christmas was awesome and Christmas eve was so/so but i saw my father and it was bad.  Well no I"m going to write a freaking book so that I can get be covereeeeeeddd in tattooos!!

ha ha oh well.

Enjoy Life fuckers!!!

So i'm just a average college student.  Nothing great or spectacular about me. I tried to get on the newspaper.  No email back.  I feel really bad about that. I have REALLY low self esteem. Which I suppose can be a big problem.  Its not just "i'm not pretty or skinny enough so I'm gonna cut myself", its total lack of belief in myself.  I'm not good at anything, I don't see why anyone would be interested in me, well anyone who could actually be with someone worthwhile.  I understand completely why guys who can't really get girls take an interest in me, they sense that I'm in their league.  But i refuse to settle for them.  They either assholes or just complete weirdos.  Gosh.  Then i can't do shit.  I suck at all my classes.  Straight C's.  I'll never get into the Manship school. I just want to be something special to somebody besides my mother and sister.  I'm not even something special to my father seeing as how he doesn't bother to speak to me.  And i rarely ever talk to my brother so who knows what he thinks.  Weird thing is i used to think the oppsite when i was younger.  That my mother and sister hated me for some unknown reason.  But maybe i'm just pitying myself. Gah.

/Pathetic.