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| this xanga is so dead. LOL ;(
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| so here goes another entry of my venting. ;xxx
first off: piano. what can i say about it but that it sucks. i'm supposed to take an exam next thursday, but i am SOOO not ready. so i told my teacher that i'll take it next time, meaning in april. that way i'll be more prepared because my scales and singing sucks and my pieces are mediocre. but you know what's really sad about all of this? that i was given these books like a year ago, and been told to study the pieces and scales in MAY. that was like FIVE WHOLE F-ING MONTHS AGO. so i've been procrastinating and praying for a miracle that apparently, hasn't and will not happen. i wanted to take the exam in october and get it over with, but being a retard and not dedicating myself to it caused me to stress out like WHOA and not being ready for next week's exams. and the other sad thing? i paid f-ing $86 for the test, and i don't think i'm getting it back. SO! WHAT A WASTE! ;( damn. i feel sooooo guilty for wasting my parents' money and my teacher's time. like wtf is wrong with me? the whole time i was praying for a miracle and just not practicing hard enough. i regret now. ;( and so after i told my teacher than i wanted to wait, we started to practice scales. C majors/minors and G major/minors. the easiest ones. and the really sad thing is that i couldn't even get the fingering for G minor right. gosh ;( i just wanna kick myself in the ass right now.
two: college apps: i'm confused and worried. i mean i STILL don't know my major yet, although i've been thinking about maybe changing nursing to pre-med... and maybe minor or double major in art? idk yet ;( like i have a bunch of schools down, but the thing is, i really don't know if i wanna go to them anyway. and i'm worried about the teacher recommendations because SINCE idk what schools i wanna go to, i can't tell my teachers to write me recommendations. and like yeahhh. so idk what i'm gonna do. like if i knew when's the due date for mailing it and whatever, i'd feel a tiny bit better. but idk whens the best time to give it to them. ;( and the autobio! like wtf. i'm like 90% done with the college office one (i'm writing about work), but the REAL one. omggggggg. i have no idea what to write out. i mean since it's about ANYTHING, i can't think of anything. like NOTHING life changing or dramatic has happened to me. i'm boring. there's nothing to write about. and nothing has changed me emotionally or anything, so again, nothing to write about. this college bullshit... if i knew i'd be so sad and stressed out over it, i probably would have tried to push myself to start it just a little bit earlier. so basically, my two main college worries are teacher recommendations and autobio.
three: SATs- damn you guys who already took it and got it over with! well i should start studying soon. i'm gonna take it in november. so hopefully i'll improve by a little bit, even if it's JUST 10 points. my first score was okay, but hopefully i can do better. ;xxx
four: APs- how i hate thee. they're still hard. my grades are all over the place. ;xxx i mean first i do mediocre, then great, then barely pass... like gosh.damn i gotta get my act together. so PLEASE feel free to smack me silly until i get all my shit done. i won't mind. it'll be really appreciated =)
five: family- gosh damn. i have GOT to spend more time with them. cause as soon as i know it, college will be here, and i'll have to say goodbye until next vacation. ;( and especially grandma<3
six: did a spark ignite?
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| i love my grandma. please give her MUCH MORE than a few more months.
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| school. the one thing i detest the most. it's so depressing. AP physics is literally killing. i don't understand anything. and when it comes to those quizzes, i literally stare at the paper for 5 minutes doing nothing and blank out. i don't know what's wrong with me when it comes to physics. i can't seem to grasp the concepts. i read and reread the questions over and over and over again in the homeworks but nothing comes to mind. i always have to ask for help. and that's when i understand what's going on, but when it comes to quiz time, my mind pauses and deletes. i was literally going to cry on friday after that quiz. i totally BSed the entire quiz because i blanked out. and AP calc BC! wtf. i'm so lost in class, it's not even funny. i'm so out-of-it that i can't participate in class to increase my average. and her grading policies! wtffff. i don't know how i'm going to survive. i don't blank out on tests, but i forget some things, costing me 20 points. ;( and ALLL of the juniors are like geniuses in that class. it's so sad. and AP govt. dude. that class is bullshit. we learn nothing in that class. everyone just talks about random stuff that i don't understand. we're all gonna fail and get 1's on the APs, and 2's if we're lucky. and, english, although we don't do anything in class and all we have to do is listen, i'm worried about it; and art anatomy. wtf. that class is gay. i dislike ms D. she's bias against the back of the class; andddddddddd gym is gay. the teacher is like ugh. ;( so overall, my classes suck and i feel like dropping out.
college research. i have a list, but it's not finalized or anything. and looking at my list, i'm not gonna make it into the ones i want. it's so frustrating because although i'm saying my major is nursing, i'm not 100% committed to it. so i'm not sure if i should find schools with nursing or liberal arts schools or what. the college essays haven't even been started because i have absolutely no idea what to write about. nothing is exciting in my life, nothing has been life changing or anything. i'm boring. ;( there's nothing else to write or say.
SATs. i have finally registered for the exam in november. BUT i haven't been studying or anything. so i'll probably do worse than last time, not that i did spectacularly awesome the first time. although supposedly colleges look at the combined highest scores, they're still gonna see how bad i did the second time, and that makes my college acceptances down the drain.
work. yes, i have two jobs. you think maybe that's why everything has been difficult, but no, that's not the reason. i mean, without work, i'd get home, watch tv and use the computer until like 7 and THEN do my hw. work makes me feel useful, especially seeing the little kids from the summer. but i think i'm going to quit one of them, so i'll have two free school days rather than just one. i'll be paid in check from then on though. so thats the crappy part. ;( so hopefully my request of changing my work days will work out.
working at chinatown has got to be the highlight of this school year. how sad is that? ;( school has been just unbearable. i can't take it anymore. i hate feeling dumb all the time. i see many people around me understanding all this crap while i sit there all confused and tired. i'm not saying EVERYONE gets it, but i'm one who doesn't.
friends. i haven't been able to chilllllllll with the ones i love the most, although i see my twinnnnnnnnnn for 7 periods LOL. but to the others, we don't even SEE each other in the HALLS. like wtf. ;( i miss having class with you guys. i mean, no starbucks, no popeyes, no movies, no shopping?! we haven't hung out in the longest time! since summer?! gosh. all we can do is pass notes and that's just not enough. please. lets go and have fun. i'm close to breaking down without you guys. ;(
i just had to vent. thanks.
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| people hardly go on xanga anymore ;\
haha. that's my entry! :D
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