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| I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! this is just so bad, i didn't expect it to turn out like this. it's so freakin depressing here and my roommate is such a handful. i'm trying to hang in there but once i get to bing, i just want to go back home. i dunno... i just want to go home... | | |
| this feels like 5th grade all over again. I know it's suppose to happen, but there just isn't anyone that I can lean on. I've been feeling all bumbed out ever since I got to Bing, but today was different. I decided to watch the season finale of House because I had missed it. It just brought back so many memories. The times I stayed home waiting for House to come on. Getting all excited because Hugh Laurie is just so damn sexy. As I was sitting there watching it today, I just started reminiscing about home. Then my friend put on a love song and I just sunk. I just couldn't bare to cry because I miss it all. I miss everything back home and everyone. Yes, I know that this is only the first week and that it happens to everyone, but there is just no one I can turn to. What made it worst was that I was missing my roof. My space, my peace, my freedom. In the past I would always go up to my roof and just watch everyone and everything around me. Being able to be so high up and unnoticable. It just felt so great being alone in peace. Even though there is the mountain here, it just isn't the same. There is way too much noise around me and I couldn't run away from reality. All I did was continue to walk around campus and find somewhere to go. In the end I did not succeed. | | |
| I cannot continue having these reoccurring dreams. I don't understand what it means and today it just scared me. I woke up feeling so guilty and all I wanted to do was hug James and snap back into reality, but of course once James saw that I was awake, he attemped to hide so that he can continue playing on the computer. What am I to do? I don't know what needs to be done in order to stop this stupid fantasy in my head. It just isn't possible and it just puts me in a bad mood through out the day. | | |
| I must put this up because I know one day someone will ask me this. Someone, if not already, will ask why am I being such a bitch, and this is my reason. I'm sick and tired of helping people and receiving no recognition for it. I'm tired of doing shit for people and feeling so unworthy. Tired of people asking me to do things for them, but behind my back they're scolling me for succeeding in life. I'm just so sick of being taken advantage of and it stops NOW! Now it is not about you, or you, or any of you because none of you deserve it. People wonder why the nicest people turn out to be such assholes. The reason is because they are taken advantage of and they just explode. I'm just so tired of it....I'm tired of being harassed and trying to give signals that seem to not work.. I'm not dealing with this anymore. End of story | | |
| I can't believe that I actually put the time into writing and updating my cover letters. In the past I would just put it off and end up not doing it at all. But this time, I've actually sent out many emails. Hopefully my work will pay off and I can find a job. Aside from that, I already feel like a house wife. James has been here for the past month and all he does is sit there and play his stupid game. While I cook for him and clean the house. Fine, he doesn't ALWAYS just sit there, sometimes he helps out with my nephews and spends like 1/10 of his day with me. I truely hope that our life will not be like that in the future because it would really suck. I will be leaving in about a month and a week. =( I'm exciting but at the same time, I'm afraid to face reality. It's going to be a hard alteration but I think that it'll work, we'll surpass the hardship. | | |
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