soo im really fucked up right now.and i feel like i am floating in the aair. and were waiting on going to a party!! whooo

  PARTY  IT UPPPP !!!!!!!!!!!

                                    lovemy baby  2yr 5 months yesterday mawh

do you ever think that everything you and your couple go thro is all worth it in the end? that putting up with each other fighting overstupid shit.is all worth it??      he brought that up to me when we got in a hugefight n broke up. i agree and disagree. i mean if you love that person so much you are willing to do anything but than again how much can one person put p with be4 they explode?   i say this and i really mean it .. i woudl do anything not to lose him. he is everythign to me.   i really dont no what i would do with myself if i lost him. hes the other half of me.

           the reason we just broke up was bci found out that he was talking to this 15 r old smut and in thepast i have had problems with her and i was on the verge of breaking up with him and i told him that they only way i will still be withi him was if he cut ALLL ties off with her. he said he lovedme to much to lose me over her that he would stop talking to her. ( on v-day he brought me roses choc. and a teddy bear. we both told each other that since we were hurting for cash that we wouldnt get each other anything. but me of coursd dug out every last peeny i had to get him somehting bc thats just who i am.anywayz he picks me up and he has everythign on the seat forme i got back to the house and put the roses in the vase and our roomate was like jimmyyou ogt jeip of a rose they gace you 11. i didnt think anything of it untill the roomatesgf told me 3 days later that jim hadbought the 15 yr old a teddy bear and gave her one ofMY ROSES!!! i flliped out n trold him i was done ,, than he promised me and i beliveed him) well his phone went off n i picked it up bc it was a text. it was from a mnumber that want stored in his phone. so i went n got my phone typed the number in and saw it was hers. the text message said  "r u with her?"  i fliped out i told him to take me home that i was done and tat he had hurt mesoo badly. i went home crying all night, i didnt sleep nothing, i dint get why it was so hard to let go of a 15 yr old. all his workds he had said to me felt like lies. i felt like i got back stabbed. he had hidden shit wi th her to many times i kept telling myself. i told him i was done so many times and each time i told  hjim i felt my heart break even more.

        two days later he showed up at me house and sat there and asked me what i really wanted. i couldnt even bareto look at him. i didint see a reason why i shold be w him when he backstabbed me so many times. i couldnt trust him, i beaievef his words in the past and it made me look like a asshole.  i went away fom him and sat outsode and smokeda bowl andthoujgt about it. i glanced down at me ankle

                                            heart

                                          --------

                                          mind             (my tattoo)          my heart over beat my mind and i felt like he was telling me the truth i got this weird feeling. so from there i told hjim that this was h is last chance n if i find out again that that will be the last of me you wont hear from me nothing.              but im glade i listend to myheart bc things have gotten better. he goes out of his way to do htings for me and it makes me melt.

                 myparnts might not like him bc they 0nly see t he bad. but i am the only one that nos the true  him and what he does do forme. i love him sooo muchh

so it all does end here. 2years down the drain, smilies lost in the wind, waking up to his face, hearing my phone go off bc he texted me, going on pointless car rides, its all done there is nomore of it. Because of one night that got out of hand. love is the most painful thing in the world. when you have it you feel so good inside but when you lose it you are the biggest mess ever. Things never go the way you want them something always winds up hitting you in your face and knocking you over. im getting thrown back to the place where i started the place i never wanted to go back to bc i thought i was starting my life with him. but he had to go n get drunk n flipp out on me for no reason and did what he did. Yes it was somewhat my fault but i never wanted any of this to happen. this was the last thing on my mind. i never wanted to lose the one i loved with every ounce of blood in my body. my heart achs lke no other. i feel like i am nothing, i know have nothing to motovate me. to make me what to be here.  i gave everything i had to be with himm. i pushed my family away my friends everything i had to be with him. but iguess i should have never done that. i juts never thought  i would have to see this day where i just walked in the house and all my stuff is packed in bags ready for me to go on my own . Its scary bc i thoujgt it would always bc us fighting through this shit. but a fuckin bump in the road turned all this around. i have to call my mom in the morngin to come and get me. i dont n o what she is going to think. I am going o have to live at my gmoms house bc i dont have a room there anymore,.    we both made a promise that in the end wheneve we broke up that we would always be frineds but i dont think that its going to happen we are ending on a bad note.           i had so many open oppurtunites to get with other ppl but i couldnt even the hottest guy there wanted me but i couldnt . i dont think that i will be able to get wth anyone for a while. i cant even bare to look at another guy. this is the roughest point in my life. and when i go back home i have to hide so much.

please tell me why he gets like he does when he is drunk? he pushes things to far and it makes shit worse. maybe i was wrong to hit him but i was trying to go to bed  since ive been sick for the past 4 days. and i waited up for him bc some nut asked him to take him somewhere and he did.          so it ends here. 2 years amd 3 months down the drain. we went at it last night we both hurt  each othr . he hurt me more. i dont no what goes thro his head to lay hands on a girl. he always talked  bout other ppl doing it n how he hates  it yet he does it. my body aches i must have been crying all thro the night bc i woke up with tears runing down my face.  it all started bc he thinks i am ungreatful . im not tho i am not like that. i take everything he does for me to heart and i appericate it. but he thinks differently. my parents use to say that to me that i would neber appericate a thing. but i always have. from there he just kept bringing up shit in the pasr rill we statred going at each other bc he didnt want me to sleep in the bed or share the blanket. some immature shitt. it hurts to even explain what happened next , he winded up ripping the scrapbooks of us into peices, he broke my phone, so i broke his, he threw my clothes out of the house and he got in my face and was like im fuckin done with you its the same old bullshit with you, and i slapped him as hard as i could aross the face and thats when he resally came after me. last night he so reminded me of my dad and it hurt me alot. i am scared of any man figre now. it seems like the ones you love the most hurt you the most.  so once he gets up i have to pack my shit and find a way home. idk where ill go but ill find somewhere, love isnt what you expect it to be . it hurts both physically and mentally.  but i do feel guilty for laying hands on him but when somone makes me mad and touches me to they are my intentons. 

              "no mATTER how many cuts and brusies i have on my body from you i will always love you"