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| Out with the old and in with the newToday's a day of new beginnings. I'm growing stronger as an individual, I'm taking responsiblity for my actions and I don't have to deal with peoples bull shit. | | |
| i fucking love you.damn it i love you now why can't you see that!?! i'm not weak. imstrong. but i hate going places and having certain things remind me of you and the time we shared. i havne't been to the hukkah since that night, or the park. i hate going on Iowa but university village because it reminds me that you live close. i feel like a fucking stalker sometimes but i know that i just miss you like crazy. I want to say that all of this is logical but i don't know if it is or not. i don't know how to think logically anymore. all i want is to see your face and your big blue eys and your red hair next to me in the moring. damn it you make me so angry. you tell me all these things, make me feel life i'm on top of the world and then you go and break my heart. I want to hate you but i know i can't.I love you too damn much. if you just wanted to use me, you should of have just told me in the first place. we would of been over before we began. you didn't have to use me, abuse me and then break me. you fucking coward. you are just too damn afarid to love some one again aren't you? after sarah ripped you into peices. Aren't you?!?! You know damn well I would never do something hurtful to you. I am so much better than sarah. why can't you except the factthat i want you. you know deep down inside that you want me too. or at least you did. i just want to know why can;t we be together? i understand that you are thousands of miles away right now because you are on the ship but we had sparks. just like you said we would. what ever happen to you invisoning us growing old together? or at least us waking up next to each other for the next few years. damn it. why can't you just shut up, get over your male ego and just hold me. everything that you have ever told me has been a lie. then you like to think that i am stupidand that you think i dont know what is going on. its my fault that i fell for your bullshit. but what hurts the most is that you came off so honest, yet you lied to me. after you totaled your car you stoped calling me baby and stoped calling me. and when you did call me it was only for a few minutes. we used to talk for hours. what ever happened to that? I can be the best you'll ever have. why can't you jsut see that? i'll update this later. | | |
| mistakes."~The mistakes YOU made were your choice. You need to suffer with what's given to you for doing so. If and when you regret it, toughen up because those tears aren't going to do you any good. They're not going to bring the past back. You're stuck. Get over it. Stop saying sorry. Move on. It's better off this way.
~The he said, she said bull shit is a given for people our age. If you don't bother to ask for the truth, you'll never get it. Just because someone says something doesn't mean it's true. It's called a rumor. Rumors are NOT true. Next time you're looking for a shoulder to cry on after you went off and took that rumor and twisted it around to make it seem like it was the truth, you'll be by your self with no one to comfort you.
~Anti-depressents are suicide pills with a safer name. Society isn't depressed, they're just too lazy to be happy. You don't choose to be sad and you can't control it. What you CAN do is forget about what made you sad in the first place. Things happen for a reason. Death. Heartbreak. Stress. When you take pills, that's telling yourself that you've given up. You're a quitter. Fight back. It's called waking up and facing the day.
~Don't give up on her. Whether or not you can see it, she needs you more than she'll ever know. Call it lack of faith in ones self or what ever but you are the only motivation she needs to get by. She chose to give up on herself, and forget about you for the simple reason that she needed to find herself and see what life wsa with out that motivation. Truth is, living with out it [[you]], isn't really living at all. She knows she's weak. Make her stronger. Even if you're just by her side as a friend, she wants you there. What she doesn't know is that she needs you. She's the type of girl that wants to be with teh guy not because she needs him, but because she wants him. She's scared to say she needs you. It's going beyond her female ego. Both of you need to give up this whole "let's put up a wall between us and pretend each other is never there" routine and get on with life. And with each other =D.
~If you want to play games, that's fine with me. don't play them with me. there is no winner. We're both losers. I got hurt and you lost something great. Cahpeesh?"
different things for different people. which one is for who? that's for me to know and for you to never know.
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| weekend blues.had a scare yesturday. i though i was pregnant. my test said i was. so i took two more and i am not. but i did bawl my eyes out. my friends made me feel better though. so i am doing good today. don't really want to talk about it though. i think i lost part of my self when i found that i suposibly was. we got a new dog. we havent decided what to call him yet. he's a cutie. i slept pretty much all day. i don't feel like myself today. so i slept to get my mind off of things. i miss chris. yeah. there goes my weekend. oh i got a job! i go in for tranning on saturday. hopefully i'll start working soon. i need money. lol i need to get me some more make up and some summer clothes. lmao. and i need to pay off my credit card. it's only 60 bucks, but still. lmao. =] | | |
| socitey and it's effect on the rest of us, or atleast mehave myspaces. how sad.
http://www.myspace.com/sambrownback
this is sad people. Why can america have a persident that have vewis on everything we do, like have marriage rights for everyone, make only law enforcement persons have weapons, and make the death penaty for everyone who commits murder. seriously. why does the gov't have to be so wrong about everything. I mean i respect what they belive in, but the things they make illegal, and the choices they make...they are not good ones. for example, Iraq. Why should we speand millions of dollars re buliding Iraq when victims of Katrina need help here. Don't get me wrong, world peace is something I want but shouldn't you're country's OWN people come first??? I don't know much about politics, I choose not to, I would get highly involved and really bitchy if I were. But what is so wrong with gay marriage? honestly, who is it hurting? marriage is about love, not sexual orrentation. Am i right? and This whole issue about taking "religion" out of the gov't, if that's going to happen, why is gay marraige illegal? [[IT'S MARIAGE]] and If the reason why it's illegal is because of people's belief in god, or what ever, shouldn't that be agains the gay person's right to the first amendment???????? You know, the right for freedom of religion, speech, press and such. I pay attention in POD.. I'm not completly unaware of these things. just to a limit. But think about it.. Our society is different fron how it was when our gov't people where our age. and the issue with violence and sexual content in today's entertain ment. Sure it's great to watch, but don't ya think THAT'S the reason that kids are shooting up schools today? DUH!!
I'll use my main example. Saw 3 v. Brokeback Moutain. [[yes, gay is all over with my opinions, stfu]] In the IE one stupid theatre played BBM..it was relands. They did that because peopel thought it was disgusting and earth shattering to see two men have sex, when indeed, it DID not show it unles you have your screen on bright. [[i figured that out hehe]] [[stfu]] yet people will go to the movies and watch GORE. are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!? gore... people killing people [[which by the way is illegal, and disgusting]] and shit liek that yet people think its disgusting to watch a gay movie. well then don't fucking watch it. but when you take it into consideration to get a movie like BBM cut out of most of the movies theatres in america and you let your 9 year old watch a movie like saw, you a fucking fucked up parent. ya know that? I mean i understand why you don't want your kids to watch a gay movie, but if you'd rahter then watch a gory movie, you have issues.. you see where I amgetting at? which brings me to my next subject...
parents. they don't give a damn about their kids. they let them walk around the store, by them selves when they are only two years old, they let them play violent video games and not make them do homework, they don'tcareif their child ditches school, they never check to see if their kid is doing drugs.. nothing. that oooh sooo pisses me off. why bother having kids if you don't take care of them. old people blame my generation for the problems create, when in all actuality, its the parent's fault. they didn't take care of us the way they were suposed to. my mom did. I'm just peachy. I don't do drugs, i don't ditch, i don't drink, i do my home work and i dont even get near a gorey movie with a 50 foot pole. now a good number of people around my age are the same way, but there are a lot of kids that are totally fucked up and there is no way of returning.
just...all of these things get to me. our society is all messed up and they blame the wrong people and the wrong things. I guarentee that if parents did their job, Columbine would of never happened. If the government out lawed guns, and if the adminerstration wzs doing their jobs Virgina Tech would of never happened. I have got this huge ass feeling that something liek those two shootings is going tohappen to one of the schools near us. Just wait. It will. nobody is doing thier job around here. nobody. and if someone is, its not enough people to get it done.
so when you read this, do our generation and the next a favor, do the right thing, grow up. 
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