Does anyone ever feel like as much as you try that one person you will always want to notice you never will.. And even if you confront them.. they just wont care..
I mean.. no matter how hard you make yourself crazy and make yourself appear amazing and beauitful.. but in the end it doesnt matter...And even the chance that they might like you or be attracted to you or even think your amazing!!..it wont matter because they dont want more than a friendship..They look in your eyes and see someone to kiss.. you look in there eyes and see your galaxy pass threw there eyes..you see.. what could have been.. what could have been there and never WILL BE..there.. i guess there will always be that hope of having that person to call your own.. the one that everyone wants the one that everyone finds to be super hot and amamzing.. but you out of all them look past that  although they are great qualities.. to have.. u look into there heart and through wuts on the outside and whats on the inside.. and the way they make you smile when there with you the way they make you laugh when they do stupid things or give you the biggest hugs in the world.. or just look at you with there sparkling puppy dog eyes..its amazing how much you realize u like someone.. and not that they dont like you back.. but you sit right beside them knowing.. you can never have them...

.. So today was a good day.. this weekend sucked i gotblown off 7 times and got in a fight with my close friend.  all i have to say is NOT PRETTY! .. but today was good kev FINALLY came over.. hes been ignoring me.. cuz he didnt want to hurt me again.. and to tell you the truth it doesnt matter how long and how far hes always gonna hurt me cuz he didnt want a relationship and doesnt for awhile.. i feel kind of empty inside like theres somethig missing.. and i did miss him i just dont know what my body and emotions are trying to tell me.. i just wish we could understand eachother better.. we come from 2 totally different worlds but we do have alot in common.. which is a cool thing.. hes my friend.. thats all i can say right now..  and.. for what its worth i miss you more than that..but lifes going to play its course so why not let it run..maybe everythign will turn out okay..

    On another note having to do with the same topic.. this might sound strange but iv'e always had this wish.. u know those amazingly pretty funny girls who are freshmen and sophmores get invited to prom and they're one of the only ones to go.. no matter how much i watched 10 things i hate about you .. everytime i just thought what it would be like.. being with someone whose close to you even if your not attracted to eachother.. and if you are it just makes it that much more romantic..and special..i just feel like im nothing special and i never have been.. If i had to pick one goal this year for school it would be to get invited to jr. or srn. prom..even if its with someone from another school..for their prom..Latley ive just felt nothing and it scares me.. like the basis of my hopes dreams and plans are just slowly fading away.. and im left with nothing..its a sad thought and i dont think many people see that in me because many times i cover it up..and some people just dont know me very well which really makes me angry cuz they judge u by what they see and not who you are..and what they see is not what matters.  To those of you ive just meant recently i wish deeply from the bottom of my heart that God finds a way to bring out the real me for you to see and for those of you who its so hard to communicate with you i just hope you will understand and we can become amazing friends..i just want peace with myself.. and my friends and my God .. and my guy friends.. is that so much to ask..??i dont like being confused

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way U drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way U read my mind.
I hate U so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it...I hate the way you're always right,I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when U make me cry.
I hate it when youre not around,
and the fact that you didnt call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close;
not even a little bit;
not even at all.

you have no clue how much ive fallen for you ... and as much as it woudl be amazing to be with you.. its nto the right time and everything will fall into a place... eventually.. i hope so .. goodluck and i love you ur a good friend... im sorry you didnt know me better...

.. So today has to be one of the worst heartbreaking days ever..me and my best friend big brown spider.. get in a fight.. over some stupid guy okay hes not stupid some guy..now she doesnt want to talk to me nemore.. and he cant even make his mind if he likes me or not and no matter what its not going to matter.. cuz i already lost my best friend so basically my life is total hell if he chooses well not me.. and my life is total hell and a little " i told you so" from bbs.. and she still wont talk to me.. because i got the " dont come crawling to me when he screws u over "...I dont get life and i dont get guys.. why they cant just understand that everyone has problems and everyone crys..but no matter what guys do.. there gonna hurt someone.. they think they got the hard part half the time.. i wish for once someoen could switch shoes with someone else.. a guy and a girl and actually see what they see and feel what they feel.. cuz as much as guys will ever try to understand girls and as much as us girls will try to understand guys.. i will never happen totally.. we will never fully understand it..them or us them..All i ask for is something for giving back to people and i dont even get my own happiness half the time.. i sit up crying to myself.. asking God why in the world do i deserve this where do i go wrong..and why cant i have something i really like if i take care of it.. whats my purpose.. if its not happiness and will i get it back 10 times better.. and if its actually worth it.. if i have alreayd lost my best friend then i want to be his girlfriend...but hes not so sure.. i loved spending time with him it was so amazingly cool.. i want to do it more i want to hang out more and not just be bf and gf.. b e best friends.. i felt like i was just lifted off my feet and i dont know if he felt like that too like " wow this girl is amazing".. but thats how i felt.. and i just want him to know that i dont care what mistakes hes made in the past.. i just miss him and i want him to go out with me.. but i cant force him to do nething .. so i etiher get hurt or he chooses me.. idk i just want to get what ive wished for for a long long time.. someone who respects me.. he does..cares he does..  listens to me.. he does..first one to make me smile after dan.. when i thought no one could.. he did... hes just confused with himself.... but i think im falling for him i dont knwo what to do.. God save me i need a crying shoulder. i just dont know help me...

signed
sincerely

me...

So.. long story.. umm.. Lovley Bf that i thought everything was going great with.. broke up with me on wednesday. I think is the worst possible thing anyones ever done to me.  Said he was coming over.. dropped my sweatshirt and game in my mailbox.. and drove away...Even today im still upset but not as upset as i was.. someone with that kind of heart i feel doesnt deserve to live.. and they take so many things for granted in life.. and take advantage of the people and possecions and love they are given.. without even saying thank you.  And worst part of all he wont even talk to me.. not even as friends.. supposedly 2 days after we broke up he had a gf.. maybe not even 2 days..and..thats just heartless.. 9 months of history.. he wont even explain nething to me.. nor tell me if he has a gf!!or not...he wont even talk to me.. i know he still cares but he dont show it nemore.. or nething..as much as i miss him i want to hate him at the same time.. it all ended so suddenly...and i miss his smell the way he smiled.. the way he made me smile..even when i was in tears.. i hate missing him i hate it.. i just want it to go away i wish i could just get over it all i want to know is if he has a gf.. but if he was just saying that so i woudl get over the relationship faster it doesnt work!! and a day after we broke up he talked about how much he missed me and he called me pookie and i miss him so much... then he fell asleep on me.. and that was the last time we actually had a decent conversation...I cant even think about him being with another girl.. or holding her in his arms.. how could he do that to me.. just monday or tuesday he said he loved me and then a day later he  breaks up with me.. all i kno is that i hope he regrets it and learns from it.. even if in 6 months we cant try something new i just want to be friends..its so werid not talking to him and hereing him say pookie and i cant say " its my tuba" nemore without being sad.. cuz it made him laugh..and i was there when he cried.. and he really wasnt the kind of person who would leave .. after all the stuff weve been through..togther.. its like hes been totally brain washed or changed in a second.. i just wish if he read this he would call me and talk to me like a civilized mature person....