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LindsayRFoz
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Name: Lindsay
Birthday: 6/16/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Anything outdoors, music, having fun, meeting people, international affairs, THE BIBLE and whomever might be standing in front of me at any point in time.
Expertise: Failing Forward, Laughing (usually at myself), Making Friends
Occupation: Pastor/Smoothie Girl
Industry: Life
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/3/2005
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| why i HATE eharmony...
yes,
yes... i already know what you are thinking... what? Foz was/is on
eharmony? the girl who so vehemently said she would never try online
dating no matter how desperate she was, actually gave it a shot?
to quiet your concerns... no i don't feel desperate, nor do i feel like
i've reached the end of my sanity... quite frankly, i was bored &
thought this might spice up my (lack-of-dating) life. so i signed up
for 3 months... i am one month in & think i should have followed my
initial instinct (ya know... that gag-reflex instinct) and beat off the
very idea of online match-making w/ a sledge-hammer. however, i was
swayed by some "wiser counsel" about how it made sense & cut out a
lot of the frustrating, time-consuming part of dating... like
discovering shared values/beliefs/preferences etc. which i still
believe has merit... just perhaps not for me.
thus ensues my analysis based on one months experience on eharmony:
at the beginning... it was fun. i would get emails that said "Lindsay,
we want you to meet someone!" i'd login & read about the things we
had in common & what they were all about. most of them... with a
few exceptions, sounded great on paper... and that seems to be where it
ended...
Disappointment #1 = matches are scarce...
eharmony claims that there are some 12 million registered members & 10,000-15,000 people register each day.
So why in the HECK did i only get 30 matches?!?!!??!!!????
i know i have high standards... but for crying out loud!! only 30
people in the entire country come close to sharing my
values/beliefs/preferences? Now, you get new matches all the time...
but the most I've ever got in one day is 2... that's 2 in 15,000 new
users!! talk about defeating...
Disappointment #2 = the pictures
i hardly need to exasperate this point save to say that it is quite
possible that online dating was created for & by those who might be
the least photogenic people in the US. i could hardly keep from
laughing on many occasions because i couldn't believe the terrible
pictures guys put up of themselves. one would think if they were trying
to swoon a heart, they would at least smile rather than make ganster
faces. Needless to say, out of the 30, there were probably only 2 or 3
I would even consider talking to & then about 1/3 of my matches
didn't have a picture up at all! Or they decided to "wait until a later
stage of communication" before I was allowed to see what they looked
like!
what are they hiding?
i concluded there are only 2 options... incredibly good looks, or incredibly bad looks... not worth the risk...
Disappointment #3 = "match closed"
so the system is quite novel in the sense that you go through a series
of guided communication steps in which you ask/answer questions, send
your "must haves" & "can't stands" etc. until you reach the point
that you are emailing openly through the eharmony system. at any point
in time, however, you or your match can CLOSE the match due to any
number of reasons.
no matter how emotionally detached you are
from your matches... for some unknown reason... it still feels like
rejection when you login to find "MATCH CLOSED" blaring in capital
letters. now, the greatest part is there is always an attached reason
as to why they closed the match. Some reasons are "our values are too
different" or "the physical distance between us is too great" or "our
must haves & can't stands don't fit." these are all acceptable
reasons. however, my personal favorite reasons include "other" or
"based on statements in their profile, i'm not interested in this
match" or "i'd rather not say"! seriously... what person in their right
mind would not ask the question... what on earth could they mean by
that???? ahhh... the stab of rejection never feels good... no matter
if in person or online.
Disappointment #4 = to be pursued, or not to be pursued...
in my commitment to be pursued (call it old-fashioned or stubborn)...
even though i've made myself available on the eharmony market, i have
refused to initiate communication with any of my matches... i have only
reciprocated. the worst of all the disappointments is that only about
1/3 of my matches have ever requested initial communication! most of my
matches have the words "Start Communicating" blaring in red next to
their names. With a simple flick of my wrist I could initiate
conversation with about 20 matches, only a few of whom I have any
genuine interest. but no... i cannot, though it is tempting... i cannot
deny my personal resolve to let the man take the lead & initiate
anything with romantic implications... so yet again, even online, i'm
still waiting...
Disappointment #5 = so i have talked with a few matches...
i actually made it to OPEN COMMUNICATION with one match who actually
lived in the greater seattle area (as opposed to FL or TN... might as
well be Tanzania). we had great conversation... seemed to share much in
common & i really enjoyed his seeming candor. but the hammer
quickly fell when it became obvious that we had a fundamental
disagreement about the role of women in ministry. Given that my profile
declares my occupation as ASSOCIATE PASTOR, i was amazed that he even
initated conversation. sensing a bit of an open door, i spent 3 hours
one day re-researching the topic & wrote him a lengthy exegetical
work on the problematic scriptures from which this difference of
opinion arouse. but alas... he was not convinced. I was sad to see that
MATCH CLOSED... & not just because he was actually good-looking...
but because i felt like i had started to get to know him & he me...
this leads me to my CONCLUSION about eharmony:
i think there is much more to this dating/falling in love thing than
just sharing beliefs/values/preferences... the best way I can describe
what i felt is missing in online dating is that there is no time or
thought given to someone "earning the right to know you." I'm a
trusting person... but that match got to know a lot about me & I
shared a lot of heart-felt things that once the MATCH CLOSED left me
feeling ripped off & stripped of something. this is the value of
starting out as friends with those of the opposite sex... they have
time to earn the right to know you & if you aren't compatible... no
harm, no foul... you can still be friends! instead... i feel like i
freely gave part of who i am to someone who could probably have been a
good friend had it not been that the main purpose of our conversing was
to discover compatibility.
well there you have it... i'm
making a strong come-back to the normal dating arena... though vacant
as it may be. i'm still an eharmony member for the next two months...
if i change my mind... i'll be sure to let ya'll know:).
Good luck to all of you single folk -- the market is tough... we'll hang in there together i suppose:) | | |
| simplicity resolved??Do you know what i think is the most fun about life? just living life!  surprising, I know... i think i'm discovering the answer to my own question:
simplicity is not a state of circumstances nor is it a reality
simplicity is a state of mind
In my 23 years, the only time i've found this kind of simplicity is when i have fully embraced the truth that GOD IS LOVE.
Let me explain... when i REALLY believe this truth, then i have to believe that EVERYTHING (and i mean everything)
that comes into my life comes from a God who can be nothing but Loving
towards me. Therefore, every good thing & every bad thing (as i
would define bad) is coming from someone who knows best & truly has
my best interest in mind!
Therefore... life becomes simple... my thoughts become simple... i no
longer have to fret about what to do or how to solve the problems of
the world... because my loving God put the trials there, and my loving
God will get me out.
Easily said this evening when I didn't have to work and spent the day
just doing life... talk to me again on monday morning & simplicity
maybe a world away.
therein lies the challenge of being in this world, but not of it... of living a life of faith, or a life of fear...
God IS Love... now that, my friends, IS Simplicity.
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| Simplicitydoes anyone know what the definition of that is??? | | |
| He's Alive!!Happy Easter... I've been through many Easters before in my life... but this year seems so different. If it weren't for this weekend -- the event celebrated on THIS WEEKEND... the Crucifixion & Resurrection of Jesus -- then what is there worth living for!! It is so easy sometimes to view this story of Jesus Christ as another fairy tale or storyboard... but he was real. He really did this thing called life with all it's imperfections... he really died the most tragic & horrific death one could possibly imagine... and he really rose from the grave. I find myself often thinking... "well he was divine, so it probably wasn't THAT difficult for him..." I have had to confess my ignorance as I have reread this story this year.
Jesus felt EVERY MOMENT of his murder. Every lashing of the whip, every slap on the face, every mocking word that not only ignored his deity, but denied his Father. I'm sure anger & despair filled him when his disciples betrayed him & how his heart must have broke when he heard his mother weeping at his feet when he was hanging on the cross. Jesus was fully human... yet he CHOSE, yes CHOSE, to surrender his flesh, his emotions, his circumstances, his respect, his power & his IDENTITY to the hands of those he created to suffer on their behalf. The author of Justice surrendered himself to the most unjust event in history so that we might be able to experience the freedom of forgiveness of the sin we cannot escape ourselves.
These words that he preached to his disciples, lived out in his death & resurrection, and left for us to follow today out should echo in our minds and hearts daily...
Luke 9.23-24 " If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
I pray that I will be a person who follows Jesus' example... CHOOSING daily to surrender my rights, my freedoms, my identity, my position, my belongings, my life... for the sake of walking in utter obedience to my Heavenly Father.
He lost it ALL for us... yet many times we are so unwilling to lose anything for him! Oh Lord, forgive us... for we know not what we do... | | |
| livin la vida locaSince I am the worst blog person ever... here is a brief overview of the last 5 months that i have failed to let you know what is going on in my life...
I moved home from DC to Kirkland, WA (decided that the west coast is the superior washington:)).
Started working part-time at Cedar Park Church doing Connections & Young Adults Ministry...
Moved into a beautiful townhouse w/ Harmonie Vallerand...(who is working as the Exec. Ass. of the President of NU)
Loving life, but still ridiculously single (don't know why I left DC... the youngest single population in the US exists there... apparently my luck hasn't changed)
Trying to get used to having a real job and realizing that life as an intern was free of much responsibility & truly acts as a prolonging of the inevitable... adult life (but i'm determined to maintain- as much as possible w/o losing my job- a certain rejection of the insuing season of adulthood) | | |
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