| Well it's been a while since I've written in here. Wow I don't even know. Life seems to be kind of confusing and frustrating lately. I feel ugly and unliked and stupid. School's ridiculous, friends are in short supply and I feel like I must be a horrible person because no one seems to like me. Also the new trends of groups are getting really annoying. I don't fit into any groups. None. Sort of a good thing but it's hard to not fit in. Although I'm glad I'm not a clone like everyone else I do sorta wish I fit in. Hopefully it is just a trend and it'll go away soon. Everyone being all 'emo' is getting extremely annoying. Who even really knows what 'emo' is? No one really does. Everyone ends up arrguing over the groups and what someone is and what someone isn't. It's frusterating. School is stupid not only for this but because I'm not doing as well as I'd like to be doing in my classes. English is brutal because I'm horrible at essays and just doing any work in general. I'm horrible, I want to work and be a good student...but it just doesn't happen. I dunno. I'm not anything special in any respect. I'm not overly smart, I'm not pretty, I don't have an amazing personality. So many people seem to not like me. Esspecially guys. Not that I really want to be with any of the guys at my school anyways but it'd be nice to beable to be friends with them without them thinking I like them or something. No one is just interested in being friends they're all "oh yeah that girl's hot im going to be her friend so I can date her or whatever" So many people are so desperate to fit in that they change themselves. I don't think I could change myself. I don't really even know who I am but I know I couldn't change it...doesn't really make sense but I don't know. I don't do anything, I'm quite boring. But they exciting people are ruining their lives by doing stupid things like drugs and drinking just because they think it's really cool to be a 'rebel'. I'm a goody-good I guess but that's the way it's gunna stay because I don't want to ruin my life like them. I want to acutally have a future aside from saying "do you want fries with that?" Work sucks to. I hate it. I feel bad for hating it to...I feel like maybe I'm just a slacker who doesn't like working. But always like half way through work I start feeling really shitty and I feel like crying. I don't think I could quite though because they are depending on me. It wouldn't be fair. I hate it when people think they are so much better or smarter than me and try to show it. It really just makes them look like assholes. Go make some friends have some fun and stop using your pathetic existance to bother me. I hate that people are lying more and more often. Tell me the truth, don't string me along pretending. I'd rather not have you in my life at all then have you in my life lying to my face everytime you see me. Sometimes I wish I could just ride all the time and never have to see anyone or go to school at all. Riding is my only escape. If I didn't have Bo life would be so much more difficult than it already is. I may not be the best rider, I may never be, but it's something I enjoy and something that distracts me from everyday life. I don't need politics in my riding, it's my escape not another everyday drama. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever change will I ever have a great change in luck for the better? I mean I don't consider myself to be really unlucky but I do feel sorry for myself on the inside. I think everyone does. Even people who pretend to be happy all the time must feel that way, it's human nature. Am I wasting my teen years? I don't know, I don't know a lot of things right now. But I also think confusion is part of growing up and hopefully one day I'll just wake up and know exactly who I am and why I'm here. There has to be a reason. Well anyway...this was just a bunch of rambling and it probably doesn't make sense...which is pretty much how I'm feeling right now. Nothing seems to make much sense. |
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| My name is Lindsay. I'm 15. I'm not really short but I'm not tall either. I have some sorta blonde hair. My eyes are blue-ish. I'm really quite pale. I wear glasses. The thing that means most to me in the world is my horse. I hate school. I have a best friend. I go to L.C.V.I. I procrastinate. I sing. I don't have a label. I'm self-concious. I'm shy. But I can be outgoing. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I have a hard time trusting people. I've lived in the same hick town since I was born. I hate liers. I wish I worked harder in school. I like jackets. I also like jeans. I have a part-time job. I'm average. Sometime I wish I fit in. Then I realize it doesn't matter. I'm an only child. I like style but I have none. I like taking pictures. I don't wear make-up. I've never dyed my hair. I have a weird smile. Sometimes I feel like no one likes me. I like movies. It's hard having a gorgeous best friend. I'm not really pretty. But I wouldn't say I'm ugly either. |
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| ...I'm bored and don't really want to go to sleep because that means tomorrow comes faster So I'm staying awake and being bored.
*Yawn* Mmmkay... Go to
http://eatsleepride.proboards56.com
It's my forum and it's pretty darn good we just need more active members!
*twiddles thumbs* ...hmm... |
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| ...School tomorrow Not looking forward to it!
Well yesterday I went to the fair with Tay. It wasn't as good as other years but we still had a pretty decent time.
Well Doc is leaving me in two days...I'm gunna miss my pony!
Um well I think that's it for now... |
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| Well today was fun. Taylar came over and zen we went to Tracy's house and then walked around town and then went back to Tracy's and then to the barn. And now I'm home and am going to watch a movie Tracy lent to me...should be fun.
Blah tomorrow I'm back to being home alone! Noooo! Oh well hopefully I'll get to do some stuff with people this week. |
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