Constant Nostalgia

Staying true to Xanga, I will make another post.  I think I will try to write monthly in my blog to keep people up to date with my escapades and to also have some type of written record of my thoughts.  I was reading through some of my old posts that I wrote a while back and I just bursted out laughing at the things I said, the things I thought, and the wreckless and poor grammer I used.  It also reminded me of some of the goals I set myself out to do and showed me that I barely achieved any of them.  It was a good reminder that I have a longgg road ahead and actually provided me some motivation to move on forward from here.  To revamp and recreate a path forward for my life. 

Anyways, going on topic.  Nostalgia.  Recently, or lets say the last 1.5 years, I've been reminscing of the past a lot with people.  For those of you that interact with me a lot, ahem Chris Brown, know all too well that I love bringing up the past in our conversations and having a huge kick doing it.  I'm only 23 years old, but talking about the past brings so much joy to me and provides so much laughter and reminds me that I've known so-so for such a long time.  Even just talking about the past brings me closer to the person I'm speaking to and reminds of all the wonderful interactions and times we had.  I absolutely love doing this with people that I've known for a long time and often times people ask me how I remember all these experiences and all the minute details.  To be honest, I have a pretty good memory remembering people and events and I cherish and treasure all these moments that I have with them.  I associate a lot of inanimate things, events, or just simple action to the memories that I have.  Whenever I think of the person, all that runs through my mind are all the funny memories with that person or all the events, fun or embarassing, that I had with the person.  The point is, I finally realize why old people, now I mean really old like 70 something, love talking about the past and are willing to talk about for hours or even days.  I can finally understand why my dad was soooo excited when he had his high school reunion back in Hong Kong after not being in touch with his friends for 30 some odd years.  As you get older, friends come and go but memories stick with you forever.  With this being said, everyone one of you, my friends, will always be with me with all the great memories that you instilled in me. 

I've also made a point in my life to longer hold grudges on anyone anymore.  In the past, I held onto grudges with a passion.  If you wronged me in any way that hurt me, I'd hate you forever.  I lived by that philosophy all through high school and 3/4 of college.  Then I realized, life is too short and too small to have hatred or to be nicer -dislike- weighing down on me.  To this day, I have squashed all the "beef" that I had and took the time to say "what's up" and find out how they are doing.  Granted, it does provide some consolation that some of these people are not that successful or not as advanced in their life as they should be.  But that's besides the point.  So for those of you that I still have "beef" with, please don't be shocked or surprised that I approach you and geniunely want to know what is up with your life. 

My 5-year high school reunion is coming in 2 months.  I won't deny that I'm inexplicably excited for it.  Going back to 2 paragraphs befer this one, I love reminscing of the past.  And I really want to know how people that I haven't talked to for 5 years have been up to.  Since I've put on weight since High School, I think its time for me to hit the gym so I don't look gross when I see my old buddies.  I'm so excited for this and I can't wait to see my old friends. 

Other than that, my life has been pretty dull.  I play on my company's bball (we won last night 43-41) and vball (haven't been to a game yet, oops) teams.  I like playing with them because it gives me an opportunity to get to know other coworkers from different sectors of my company and to know them more outside of the office.  I met a guy at my bball game that I've seen around in the office.  I thought he was a total douchebag but it turns out he's pretty nice and cool.  Goes to show that you really can't judge a book by its cover.  I'm also playing on my coworkers kickball team.  I haven't played that since elementary school but man the game has changed.  From my memories, I used to be a beast at kickball.  But man, some teams we play with now are like redonkulously serious.  They pitch like fast balls and curveballs and all sorts of crazy shit.  When I go kick the ball, the ball is like hitting my knee or like upper thigh.  I guess no more nice and easy pitches anymore like I used to get.  Anyway, the real fun comes after the kickball game where we go to Adam's Mill and play the teams in flipcup.  It's like 8 or 9 members on each side and we race.  The game is awesome.  I'm like the only Asian person in the entire league so I think most people know who I am.  And our team wears trucker hats with our nicknames on it so people just call me "A 2 the K".  I will say tho, white people are pretty darn sick at flipcup.  I get so nervous when its my turn cuz I don't play that often.  But so far so good. 

Summer is ending and I'm sad.  Not looking forward at all to the winter.  And not at all for the school year.  I need to focus on studying for the LSATs and GMATs.  I need to finish them up by May of next year with a score that satisfies me.  Any advice as to when to take these exams?  I heard December is the best time to take the LSATs since people generally get higher scores and the exam is supposed to be "easier".  And I was told to avoid taking it in February.  What about the GMATs? 

Ok, until next month.  Toodaloo.   

LA, Vegas, SF

Hey everyone.  I'll be in LA from 8/22 - 8/28, possibly Vegas from 8/25 - 8/26, and SF from 8/28 - 9/5.  If you are there at the same time or if you live there and want to catch up, get at me! 

A Real Update

Hey everyone.  I don't know if anyone actually reads Xanga anymore.  I don't even write in here anymore.  It's been forever since I've actually wrote a real update.  I remember the times in early college where every cool, fun, or important thing or event that came in my life, I would think of how I would write it in my Xanga and how people would react to it.  I even come back to Xanga to try to read my subscriptions to catch on how my friends are doing in their respective locations but no one ever updates their blogs.  I guess its the mass hysteria that Facebook has caused that made everyone make the transition to Facebook "Notes".  I think people should still write in their xanga and just turn the import feature on in Facebook.  I have read so many entries that are saying FAREWELL to xanga and HELLO to facebook.  I still think Xanga is such a great site and its sad that they are losing users left and right. 

Well, the point for me is that I wanted to come back on here and write a little update on my life for those of my friends that are still interested and have lost contact with.  It has been a year and 2 months since I graduated from CMU and I have to say that its been a pretty up and down year.  After graduation, I went to Shanghai and Taipei for 2 weeks with one of my close friends.  It was a lot of fun sightseeing during the day and partying every night till the weee hours of the early morning.  We were pretty hooked up since we stayed at a family friend's house in Shanghai and lived comfortably in their mansion next to a nice golf course.  We would wake up in the morning, run, eat amazing xiao long bao's, and sightsee.  The party scene in Shanghai is pretty diverse.  There are a lot of Americans, Europeans in a lot of the clubs.  Taiwan was amazing too.  I would have to say that the women in Taipei are more attractive than the natives in Shanghai.  I wouldn't say they were prettier but the way they carry themselves, their fasionable clothes, and demeanor are more closely tied to the western world while at the same keeping their "native innocence" and cuteness that attracts me so much to FOBs.  I think before I turn 30, I would really like to work in Asia for at least one year, preferably Shanghai.  Indulging myself in the chines culture, language, and environment will really make me a more cultured person and appreciate my heritage more.  At the same time, I think one year there will improve my Shanghainese and Mandarin tremendously.  We'll see if I can find a job that will send me over there for a short period of time.

Tomorrow will be exactly one year at my current job.  I've been with this company since graduation.  For those of you that don't know, I work for Project Performance Corporation in McLean, VA, right outside of D.C.  I do management consulting and focus in the public sector, specifically Department of Energy, Environmental Management.  I've worked on Projects for National Nuclear Security Administration and Department of Labor.  Recently, I've been focusing on the DOE project.  For the last 8 months, I led a project for DOE.  It was my first "project management" project and I'm really happy that the company trusted in me enough to take on this responsibility.  I don't want to get into the details of the project but I got the opportunity to manage/lead a team to successfully deliver the first wave of this project (due today, yay!).  However, with this responsbility came a lot of work hours.  I've been working a good 60-65 hours a week for the last 3.5 months and worked every weekend but 2 during that time frame.  Mind you, I was also working on another project as a developer during this time as well.  It's been very draining both phsyically and emotionally.  I guess in this field, there are a lot of overtasking and demands for the employee.  I still had time to go out and do my share of partying but I just don't have the energy to really fully enjoy myself there.  I come home around 8PM and I'm already ready to pass out.  Everyday, I just looked forward to a good night's sleep and to feel re-energized in the morning.  To my dismay, every morning just felt more and more tired.  With this delivery, I think I can finally return to a 40 hr work week without working on the weekends and I can finally just relax and take it easy for a while.  I still have a lot of work on my other projects to do and to catch up on but I just don't want to do it, at least not today (which will explain why I'm on xanga, a perfect excuse to avoid doing work especially since I haven't been on here for a while). 

The good news that came from this is that I got promoted to Senior Associate at a company level and Business Lead/transition to Project Manager at a work level.  They also gave me a raise as well.  I'm pretty satisfied with the promotion but I feel like they gave it to everyone.  I know some co-workers that started with me or around that time that got the title promotion but I know they do not work the hours I do or have the same level of responsibility.  Also, my raise was NOT as high as I wanted or even expected in the Worst Case Scenario I had in mind.  However, my manager did say the raise was just from my title promotion and did not include my performance or cost of living adjustment.  I will have to wait until the end of the year to see what I get.  I'm ok with getting 2 raises for the year but I hope they give me something good and higher.  I feel like I deserve it.  I really hate this feeling that my salary is a metric for my self-worth as a professional.  I know I shouldn't feel this way but I just can't help it.  I listen to some of my college peers that make more money than I do but work less hours and it really bothers me.  It has nothing to do with their credentials because they deserve it but I feel like I deserve at least the same.  I feel like I earn it.  I don't like the thought that my company is making huge profits off of my hardwork.  If you don't understand how government consutling contracts work, the company takes a huge cut of our loaded labor rates and makes bank when an employee works overtime because the employee doesn't get paid for OT.  that sucks too.  Argh, enough about that.

Lastly, I used to know what I wanted in life - for my future.  I used to be certain that I wanted to be a transactional lawyer and work at a big firm with big clients in the financial field.  But as time goes by, I don't know if I want to do it anymore.  I know I want to get my MBA.  There's no doubt about it but is doing a JD/MBA joint degree worth it?  It takes 4 years and lets say its a jam packed 4 years of classes.  Should I just choose one and not the other or be ambitious and get both?  Will it matter in the end in terms of my career?  I hate how my life is uncertain.  I wish it was mapped out or developed a passion when I was really young like my sister.  She always wanted to be a doctor since as long as I can remember and now she's a surgeon. 

Dreams are so wonderful.  When I was younger, I had such high dreams and thought to myself how I would achieve them and really believed I could, easily.  But as time went by and I got older and wiser, I realized that they are so hard to attain especially if your dreams were big.  Even though I'm at a ripe age of 23, I feel already that I won't get my dream, that I won't make it.  I guess as you get older, you realize just how hard it is to get through life and become successful because you are competing against people who are just like you.  You aren't as unique or amazing as you once thought but instead just one of many.  This realization was particularly hard on me in college as I came to realize that I'm not that smart, that hardworking, that ambitious but I was in one giant pool of people that exhibited the same traits and goals.  And that there were people much better than me. 

Anyways, I'm beginning to ramble and I think I just might be in a funk.  Again, I'm only 23 but I feel like I'm running out of time.  Maybe its my mentality that I need to be where I really want to be before I get married.  It's that urgency to achieve when I'm still young, single, and able without worrying about family.  I feel its only at this time where I can make moves and position myself.  I hope things turn out the way I want it to be.

New York

I'm going to be in NY all weekend playing in the NY Mini 9man Volleyball tournament.  I'll be playing during the day but will be free at night.  If you are in the area and interested in meeting up, let me know!!

Vegas