This week in my study I came across a script to be used for an imaginary "psychiatric hotline", the kind of recorded message we might hear when we call for psychiatric help. It went like this:

"If you are OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are CO-DEPENDENT, please ask someone else to press 2.

If you have MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES, please press 3, 4, 5, & 6

If you are PARANOID, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line and we'll trace the call."