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Sunday, October 28, 2007 Egocentrism At Its BestI just need to vent, since I'm unaware of any means by which my ex-band members might reach this page. If they do, oh well.A brief history on where I am and what I'm doing. I moved to Columbus almost 2 months ago. I am the "worship pastor" at a church plant called Watershed. Coming her, I assumed responsibilities previously "held" by a lay person and his friend at the church...that is, I have a title whereas he had a task. I work part-time at a local deli called "The Brown Bag Deli." I make barely enough money to survive. It's pretty awesome. Now to the present. My band members, those formerly in charge of designing the "worship" aspect of each week's Sunday service, had forced me to be very flexible, but often weren't able to comply even with my extreme flexibility. While it is true that I didn't call them as early or often as I should have, responsibility is a 2-way street. Many weeks, we would arrive at church and practice our worship set for the 1st time. To me, that is no big deal. Given that the worship band consists of 3 guitar players--2 acoustic and 1 bass--that is a very manageable task. However, apparently 1 of my former instrumentalists has a strong need for rigid structure and an earlier practice session...though he is also beyond passive-aggressive and failed to mention that to me. So without telling me he quit, he quit. He instead text messaged the lead pastor with that info. I'm only guessing that his roommate will also leave, though at this point, it might be better if he left instead of staying. After stressing out this weekend, calling a couple of times, and sending 1 text message, I did the worship band thing by myself this morning. While I felt very good about it, there is plenty of inherent danger in being a solo act as a worship leader. For instance, my creative capabilities are limited by my talent. While I'll admit I have a little talent, I'm far from a guitar virtuoso, and regardless of how well I can sing, it's not Christian Idol. That would be a sin. So if you're interested in moving to Columbus, have artistic/musical talent, and will work with me and be flexible, let me know. I want people who recognize it's not a gig. It's a lifestyle. And while I won't require perfection, I will require dedication, honesty, authenticity, and communication. Fin
Saturday, October 13, 2007 Without prayer, everything is misguided and half-hearted.
Sunday, April 01, 2007 Starting OverWell,Here I am once again. I decided to begin again whatever this is. There has been a need for a new beginning in many ways. What better way to do so than to erase the records of old stuff? It's hard to recognize one's own immaturity. Growth is a costly process. At the end of my college career, it is easy to say "If I could do it over, here is what would be different." But reality won't allow for that to happen. A do-over, that is. And if it would, then the do-over probably wouldn't change anything. Because pain and loss are beneficial. Even more realistically, I brought most of the downside of college upon myself. I might get credit for some of the upside. Now I prepare to enter the job market. If you're reading this, pray for that venture. Not because I'm nervous, but because I want to do it right. I had a fearful epiphany tonight while doing some reading. I would be a senior pastor, if God led me there. I entered college saying "I'm never going to be a youth pastor." That was arrogant and stupid. It's taken entirely too many lessons, and it shall take even more, to teach me that my plans aren't very fruitful. Not to say that I can't do good things. But that I use the word "I" entirely too much. Just read this post. Count "I's." There are a lot of them, I bet. There's another one. I value the shame and embarrassment. I am thankful for rejection and broken trust. I'm glad for my scorn. I embrace future necessary belittling. I know that wherever I end up, I'll make mistakes and try to say "I" too much. Part of why this is a scary time is that I'm realizing I'm ready to stop staying I so much. I think that has amplified my usage tonight. Irrelevant. Anyway, here is a parting biblical thought for whoever reads it. Mark 8:27-30. Why did Jesus silence Peter? Because Jesus wanted a secret kept? Perhaps. Because Peter didn't entirely realize what he just said? Probably. Because Peter's concept of a Messiah was free of pain, suffering and death? Because Peter's concept of Messiah resulted in either a glorious military campaign against Rome or a hail of fire to smite the empire? Most likely. Peter knew he was in the presence of the Messiah, but he didn't really understand what that meant. He missed the point. My whole Christian life, I've thought the disciples were dimwits. They were slow on the uptake. But consider our view of the Messiah. Messiah = One who suffered and died for us. One who worked/works miracles. What Peter lacked, we emphasize. Sadly, what Peter emphasized, we lack. Perhaps not so black and white as that. Maybe Jesus the Messiah isn't meant to lead us in war or to rain coals upon our enemies. But I'm sure he's much broader than our definition, and we have been commanded to speak loudly about who He is. That makes us so dangerous if we don't get it right. Brandon M. Brown
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