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| Hey Lola,
For the past week my friend has gone CRAZY about this
guy. she constantly asks me what she should say and
such. I told her what my opinion is about the
situation. But she just ignored it. This seems to be
the only thing she EVER wants to talk about. Everytime
i try to change the subject she says "Were focusing on
MY problem here!!!!" and its been getting really
annoying cause everytime i try to help her she just
uses it in a bad way. please help me!!
what should i do?
frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Your friend apperantly has issues. It's fantastic to have that whole "OH MY GOSH DOES HE LIKE ME?!!" feeling, but oh man, it will piss off most (if not all) of your friends soon enough. You should tell her that if she doesn't like your advice, she doesn't have to take it, but it is messed up of her to ask for it and then ignore you, afterall, SHE was the one who asked! It is understandable that your friend is stuck on talking about it, especially if she really likes the guy, I am sure that it is close to the only thing running through her mind. Tell her (GENTLY, as she might take it completely the wrong way and think that you just don't care) that you want to talk about other things. If she continues with the "MY PROBLEM" bull, then she wasn't much of a friend. Friendship is a mutual thing, and it's not really fair of her to expect that that's all you will talk about.
Thanks much for emailing me, and I hope this helps!
Lola
AskLittleLola@yahoo.com | | |
| "Hey Lola! I am so tired of not getting a boyfriend. I have a bad rep of
being Boy Crazy so now the guyz at my school wont have anything to do
with me. How can I shake off the bad rep??
Thanks much!!
-Kool Chick-"
Dear Kool Chick,
There are a few ways to go about this. One is to maybe back off from the dating scene for a while. I know it probably sucks, but people will slowly realize that you aren't just boy crazy. Everyone has to test out the water, at least for a while. Once you find someone who really deserves your attention, they will know that your reputation means nothing and that you are actually a kind, caring person.
Another way to help is not to make your relationships so public. If guys see you all over some other guy and then all of the sudden you are flirting with them, they may think that you are, in fact, boy crazy. It's hard to stop flirting once you become accustomed to it. Trust me, I know. I am THE biggest flirt in the world.
OR you could date people outside your general group of friends, or even outside of your school. Have a girlfriend set you up with their second cousin or something. I find that people outside the loop are the most forgiving. Also, if you go to a considerably large school, some people won't even know who you are, so finding a guy, say, in your history class may be easier than you think.
Overall, I would tell you to slow down. Become friends with the guy, maybe go on a few dates, and after knowing him and liking him for maybe a few MONTHS, see if it'll go any farther. That way, no one can accuse you of taking it too slow, and you will know for sure that you like the guy if you are still bothering with him after months.
Good luck and thanks for emailing!!
Lola
AskLittleLola@yahoo.com | | |
| dear lola, my parents are really homophobic and i think im gay. is there anything i can do? i am 15/m, and they are really really religious. is it ok to be gay from a family like mine?
thanks
confused
Dear Confused,
Of course it's okay that you think you're gay. Everyone has their own experimentational stage, and it works for some people, and not others. Your parents will love you no matter what you tell them, so try talking to them about it. There are very few religions that accept homosexuality, so they may not feel comfortable allowing you to go to religious services etc., so be careful that you may be willing to give that up for a while, or at least until you move out. Are you sure they're homophobic? There are a lot of misconceptions about homosexuality in terms of homophobia. Be sure to tell your parents that you are young, that you may not know if you are for sure, things COULD change, but for now, it's what you need. It is more than likely that they will be somewhat understanding...there is a downshot though. Some families kick out the youngest of kids because they suspect homosexuality. No one deserves that. NO ONE. If that is the case, I'm sure you have some friends or family to talk it out to, who may convince your parents that it is not as big of a deal as they are making it, for sure.
Thanx for the email!!
Lola | | |
| "Dear lola, my partents are breaking up for like the billionth time, and i don't know what to do. i know its a good thing cuz they fight and stuff a lot. they tell me that im the reason their breaking up tho, and i don't know what to do about that. help?"
Dear Whoever-you-are,
Parent situations are tough. We are generally conditioned to believe everything that they say up to a certain point when we see that we have our own minds and can have opinions seperate from them (lightbulb flashes on). Don't believe that you are the problem. Maybe it's issues surrounding you, and from the sound of it, you really care about them, which makes it hard. There is nothing you can do differently than be yourself, but ask yourself if you are purposely trying to affect their marriage, maybe subconsciously so that they will break up and you won't have to deal with all the chaos in your house anymore. I am not saying that that is the case, but it's a possibility. Talk to them about it. Generally there is one parent who each of us seem to be drawn more to, for me it's my mom, so if you feel like you arein a good situation with one of them, ask what they think you are "doing" to make them so angry. They probably will throw out some bullshit excuse, and there's nothing that you can do but prove to them that's not the case. Try to talk it out though. Maybe after having a conversation with one of them the infomation will spread to the other one, and there won't be any divorce at all. Reconciliation is a good thing.
Lola | | |
| "lola, im having some real insane problems. My ex broke up with me about
three and a half weeks ago and I cant get over it. I keep thinking
there is another chance for us, but he is very adamant that there isnt.
Ever since then, I've been hurting myself and going around with all my
guy friends. People tell me to get over him, and that fooling around with
everyone is just going to make it worse, but I feel like there is
nothign else! please help me lola
~crazy santa cruz girl"
Crazy Santa Cruz Girl,
I know it sucks hardcore being dumped and such, and however cliché it sounds, you're going to need to give yourself a lot of time, especially if you really loved your ex. If he is telling you that there is never going to be another chance for you two to get back, you might want to respect that, and give him some space. As for your friends, tell them to go to hell. The only person in your mind and heart that know what you are ready for (and what you can or cannot get over) is you. Take your time. Don't hurt yourself, because not only does that hurt you and all those around you, it also makes you seem super desperate. Hang out with friends, keep yourself occupied. Maybe you will realize that there has been someone around all along that will keep you more than occupied, if you know what I mean ;c) Be careful about who you surround yourself with, because a lot of people might take advantage of your pain and use you, which won't help at all.
Hope I helped!
Lola | | |
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