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Never Alone, never

First I have to say thank you to those of you who said something encouraging to me yesterday.  Especially Autumn. I cannot tell you how much it helped.  Its amazing how God answers prayers by using people.  Yesterday my Mom, Aunt Sherry, and I went over to tell Larry that his last close friend in the world had died.  I know a lot of you had been praying for that and it definitely showed.  Honestly, I don’t think the information sunk in.  He has very bad dementia.  But whether he understood she had died or not he took it very well, I mean I expected him to really loose it.  We all did, but he didn’t.  So that’s a blessing.  When we got to his apartment it was so filthy dirty that we all immediately started cleaning.  I cant imagine how life is for the elderly that don’t have family or friends who act like family.  Poor Larry cannot see that his counters are dirty or that there are roaches running all around.  It was so sad.  And yet I’m thankful that I was able to help clean because that is how I show people I care about them: by doing things for them.  When Mema was in the hospice I kept cleaning around the room, or fixing her sheets making sure she was tucked in perfectly.  She had no idea what I was doing, but it helped me cope with it to know I was helping her.  And as I was on my hands and knees scrubbing Larry’s floor I could just hear Aunt Del in my head, because it always meant so much to her when I would help him.  So if things aren’t so great in your life, and I try to do something for you, whether it be encouraging letters or texts or cleaning your car or room or something crazy like that that people wouldn’t normally do, just know that is how I can show I’m there for you, and trying to help.  It’s so interesting how life can change so quickly.  I mean two weeks ago I was the happiest I’ve been in months about life- a new friend, pledging, classes, just life in general! And I couldn’t wait to get back to Abilene.  Now I feel like my faith is being tested and I honestly just want to curl up and not move.  I was to stay with my family because I’m seeing how crazy short life is.  You can loose someone in a heart beat and you will be left remembering the last thing you said to them and hurting so bad because you didn’t have more time.  Classes feel over-whelleming, I feel like friends are not always as they seem, and pledging is starting to feel a way for me to stay busy and hide from everything else.  But I write all this because I feel this way and at the same time I hear the Lord next to me.  He’s never left.  He wants me to turn to him alone during this time- and once I’m facing him he tells me, its ok my darling, don’t keep it all inside.  You’re not made to go about this life alone.  All the people in your life, I sent them, they are there for a reason, stay focused on me first and everything else will make sense.  It’s a weird feeling, to hurt like this but have a comfort that surpasses understanding.  I don’t know how people live this life without faith.  So Satan- continue to test me, I plan to pass with flying colors!; no matter who you take from me, what curve balls you throw me, I’m in love with someone who will never let me down and has already beat you once and will again!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and encouraging words.  They help more than you will ever know.   

Beauty in all things, even when it's hard to see

Possibly one of the worst weeks of my life... not to appear dramatic but its been awful.  And at the same time, God has taught me so very much.  The week started (on Saturday really) with me waking up to intense pain in my right hand, I think I screwed up my finger while I slept.  Monday I found out that a family that I’ve been friends with for years, well they left to be missionaries in Uganda and this past week their oldest daughter, she was 16, died of Cerebral Malaria.  Sweet Talitha would follow me around on Sundays when we would do drama stuff for the kids at church and she would always be like, “what can I do to help?”  She had such a passion for the Lord and it’s just so hard to understand why the Lord would take someone so young with so much potential.  I guess he just needed her up there more than he did down here.  But I know I for one am blessed to have known her and her family.  Tuesday I went to see the school nurse about my finger and she thinks its broken... lovely, but when put in perspective with the day before… not so bad.   Wednesday iced the cake.  I get a call from a lady I don’t know saying that my Aunt Del is on the way to the hospital and it doesn’t look good.  I have to then call my mom, and break the news to her.  Aunt Del was my Mema’s best friend.  She has been like a grandmother to me and a mother to my mom.  I have never known a Christmas or birthday without Aunt Del there.  She’s so much fun and so sweet, she reminds me of the character of piglet from Winnie the Pooh. J When Mema passed away it somehow was just a tiny bit easier having Aunt Del still here.  My mom really became close with her.  The would talk every single day on the phone and see each other often.  So I have to break it to my mom that she is about to loose the last maternal figure in her life… and an hour later I get the call that Aunt Del passed away before she even got to the hospital.  She had a heart attack and was found in her drive way.  They worked on her for 20 minutes in the ambulance but lost her on the way.  The blessing: she is with the Lord.  Not to long ago she accepted Christ, so hurray for that! But still the loss is really awful.  Thursday, today, I made a last minute decision and, thinking Aunt Del’s funeral would be Saturday, I left for Dallas in time to make it to Talitha’s memorial.  I was hesitant about if I should go or not but now, I’m really really glad I did.  Unfortunately Aunt Del’s funeral wont be till Monday, so I’m going to have to miss more school but my mom needs me and Joachim is out of town, so its good that I’m here. 

Today at Talitha’s memorial I realized something God has blessed me with: I mourn with those who mourn.  There is a verse that comes to mind, in Romans its in chapter 12 verse 15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”  Some people just really have the gift of saying the right thing when people are hurting, I don’t have that but I know that when someone is going through something hard, and they are hurting, God has given me a heart that hurts with them.  Perhaps that’s why I’ve experienced so much death around me for being so young.  Aunt Del is the 6^th family member that I was close with that I’ve lost in the last five years…  she is the second in the past year.  But every ugly situation has some beauty in it somewhere as I was reminded in the memorial today and I really think that God has allowed me to experience all this pain so that I can hurt with those that hurt.  There are other people out there who are meant to lift them up but there is a point in all awful situations where you just need someone to let you hurt, and sometimes you need them to be with you in that.  I had a friend who was diagnosed with cancer this past year.  I hurt for him, deeply, and he doesn’t understand it, but that’s just the heart the Lord has given me.  I’m 100% sincere and today I learned there is no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed of something the Lord has given me to bless others with.  As it says in Ecclesiastes “there is a time to mourn” and it is true.  This weekend will probably be full of that but in the midst of the all the sadness, God will be glorified and what greater thing is there than that.

Ladies Love Country Boys- By Trace Adkins

So I dont think its any secret that i have a thing for all things country... including boys :)  So i'm watching CMT the other day and this new song  by Trace Adkins comes on... I absolutely love it!  Read the lyrics... its pretty funny and i think its pretty true!

(This is for all you sophisticated ladies out there)

She grew up in the city in a little subdivision,
Her daddy wore a tie, Momma never fried a chicken,
Ballet, Straight A’s, Most likely to succeed

They bought her a car after graduation
Sent her down south for some higher education
Put her on the fast track to a law degree

Now she’s comin home to visit
holdin the hand
Of a wild-eyed boy
with a farmer’s tan

And shes ridin in the middle of his pickup truck
Blarin Charlie Daniels yellin, “Turn it up!”
They raised her up a lady
but there’s one thing they couldn’t avoid
Ladies love country boys

(You know its true)

Yeah, you know momma’s and daddy’s want better for their daughters
Hope they’ll settle down with a doctor or a lawyer
In their uptown, ball gown, hand-me-down royalty

They never understand
why their princess falls
For some camouflage britches
and a southern boy drawl

Or why she’s ridin in the middle of a pickup truck
Blarin Hank Jr. yellin, “Turn it up!”
They raised her up a lady
but there’s one thing they couldn’t avoid
Ladies love country boys

(oooh, get country with it)

You can train ‘em
You can try to teach ‘em right from wrong
But it’s still gonna turn ‘em on

When they go ridin in the middle of a pickup truck
Blarin Lynyrd Skynyrd yellin, “Turn it up!”
You can raise her up a lady
but there’s one thing you jus can’t avoid
Ladies love country boys

They love us country boys
Ooooooh yeah
It's that country thing you know