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| my brain's a thinkin'Alright, so to get to my point of this whole entry, I'll start out by openly stating that I don't feel as close to God as I used to be. In going to Bigstuf this summer, that was my main fear I guess you could say. It was a fear that I would taste the abundant love God has for his children, have complete faith in Him, and then one day I would wake up and everything would seem routine. Or even worse, backtrack to my old ways...wander off and seem distant from Him again. Life is a test and a trust, and through times of seeming s e p a r a t i o n the one thing God's children has to rely on is our faith. "TRUST in the Lord"...trust that he is there when I'm talkative and lively, and there as well when I loose track of my own thoughts, and communication cuts off from the rest of the world. This sunday Pastor Chuck had a great message about Jesus. He said that just as a mother can gaze upon her newborn for hours, noticing every detail , every perfect flaw about the little bundle of joy and never cease to be bored, so too can God simply stare at us, his creation, and be completely amazed and intrigued by every aspect of us and our lives.
There is so much devastation going on around us today. So many abused relationships, premarital sex, sad days, life in general just being a butthead. In the midst of this, we are called to carry eachother's burdens and care for the unloved and rejected. They will know we are christians by our love. It's hard to put my finger on it, but when people share their pain and distress I subconciously get sad. Tonight in youth this occured to me. To hear prayer requests going around, and remembering the pain in some people's eyes from certain weeks as they managed to share their family members' problems...it was just tough. Lord, please help me to have joy....there's a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness depends on external circumstances, but JOY is based on your relationship to God. "God sees ALL our pain, distress, problems....and still manages to have joy." How can I, a mere Elisey geesy, listen to my friend's struggles and not get so sad I just feel like crying? God has joy, even while my friends are in trouble.
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| Day 16
"No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."
Lord, help us to love...
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| mhmmYou are all fair, my love;
there is no flaw in you.
Song of Solomon 4:7
you are mine, beloved
To think to that this is how God sees all of us?
Just wow is all I gotta say...emotions unravel themselves as I read more and more of His word...just wow
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| Pensive as a monk p.282 Redeeming Love
"I'm sorry," Michael said. How many more nightmares did she have locked away inside her?
She looked up at him. " That's the second time you've apologized for something you've got nothing to do with. How can you even look at me?"
"The same way I can look at myself."
This small section became a very emotional for me the more I read, and sprouted a few questions in my active mind. Is it that the greater love I feel for someone, the more anguish I feel for them when they are troubled deeply? And when they are elated, based on the closeness I feel towards that person, the more overjoyed I will become over their obvious glee? Feel free to give input, and state ur perspective on these questions...I'd greatly appreciate it :) Michael Hosea was married to Angel, and became apart of her flesh. He felt sorrow for her the more he learned about her ugly past because in a sense, he felt that they were "one" with eachother. To whoever is reading this, please don't ponder why this was a hard section to read for me personally. It is what it is. Please prepare to disembark.
I'm not much a fan of wailing, but I happen to love this song <33 It works wonders...and besides...you pay too much! haha...okay that probably didn't make sense to the vast majority reading this lol...actually come to think of it, I probably already posted this song up once before! Oh well here goes nothing:
Another rainy day
I can't recall
Having sunshine on my face
And all I feel is pain
All I wanna do Is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through
I gotta keep singin'
I gotta keep praisin' Your name
You're the only way that I'll find healing
I gotta keep singin'
I gotta keep praisin' Your name
You're the only way that I'll find healing
Can I climb up in Your lap?
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
Ohh you're everthing I need
And I gotta keep singin' :)
"Sing! With your head up, with your eyes closed...not because you love the songg, but because you love to sing...." Thanks Becca :)))))) ya look at all them smileys!! wOwZa!! :P
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| I'm tellin ya! I'ma diggin!!! The boy watched the exchange with fascination. "You dominated those horsemen with the wya you looked at them," he said.
"Your eyes show the strength of your soul," answered the alchemist.
That's true, the boy thought. He had noticed that, in the midst of the multitude of armed men back at the encampment, there had been one who stared fixedly at the two. He had been so far away that his face wasn't even visible. But the boy was certain that he had been looking at them.
And this came from a summer reading book lol....I love love love the philisophical things that this book, The Alchemist refers to. But back to what I realized in reading this small segment....there was a past relationship that I had where I couldn't look into His eyes. It scared the heck outta me, the idea of staring into His eyes that is...fear of getting hurt again perhaps. Reguardless of the reason which I'm not about to go on and on about to the public view, it's alright now. There's something to learn from most life experiences....
I learned the importance of being completely and utterly honest about my emotions. No one can ever deny you of your emotions and say, "no you're not angry!" or "yes you like me!" because they don't have any control over your emotions. If you feel like you were abused, then you were abused, if you feel like you were depressed, then you were depressed.
It's simple common sense that is coming through to me....finally : )
With God carrying me, I cannot fall flat on my face.
so0o0o tired!!! nighty tighty everybody...well I guess the only one reading this is becca lol...so GOODNIGHT MOOSE CABOOSE!!!!! haha...what silly geese we are 
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