Don't Drink The Water. I swear. If this had all come at me one piece at a time, I'd be able to handle it. I swear. If it didn't all hit me at once I'd be in great shape right now. I'd know exactly what to do. I'd know exactly what to tell everyone. I'd know what I wanted. I'd know what would make me happy. I'd know how to handle all of this without hurting anyone...including myself. But I can't seem to figure out anything right now. I don't know what I did, I don't know how it all started, but I've gotten myself in soo deep. And I can't dig my way out. It's not that it's too late, but the fact that I have no idea how. I have no idea how to get myself out of the three situations that I've put myself into. I don't know how I want each of them to end up. And when one seems like its going along just fine, something comes up with one of the others and then I remember the third. Everything comes crashing down again. "Crashing down." It's really been happening a lot latley. I'd say once or twice a week. And though most of it is my fault, its not completley my fault. I'm sure part of the problem is miscommunication. And that requires mistakes on both ends, right? So this can't be all my fault. But I really wish things would stop "crashing down." I like a little surprise and spontaneity in my life just as much as the next person. But everyone needs a little consistency now and then. I need it now. I really really do. And I've got none. At all. Nothing has been going consistentley for almost 2 months now. I'm going insane. I don't know what to do. I have plently of people to talk to, all of whom seem to be in the middle of the issue. I've already hurt two people. And I'm confusing the hell out of the third. I have never been in this situation before. I've never had to deal with all of this. And I want out. I want it all to stop. But it's not that easy. So i've gotta do things my own way. Gotta try to work them out the best that I can. And that's why I wrote you a letter. And thats why I took a walk with you and talked to you for two and a half hours. And thats why I've had to "say goodnight and go." Because I'm confused. And it's not cool at all. There's three things I'm worried about fucking up. My past, that I cannot lose, it's very important to me, my present friendships, and my future friendships. If I make one mistake, everything is over. I can't lose anyone. It would be the end of me. And two of you have done all that you can to help. I'm still waiting for you though. And I have been for a long time. You fail to realize that I'm still here. And I'm not going anywhere. You forget that I still care about you. You're too worried about what happened to understand that the rest of the package is still there. There wasn't supposed to be this much change. You promised me. And I promised you. I'm trying my best not to break that promise. So far, you're not. You won't lift your head up for one second and realize that there are more important things that you should be doing than being upset. Like being there for me. You havent been. You're too worried about how you feel still. And I was too. I'm not anymore. Because I accepted it. I've still been here for you to talk to though. You havent been there for me. I'm scared to talk to you. Because you don't want to talk to me. I'm too much of a painful reminder. Guess what? It hurts that that's what I am to you. Everything is going wrong. I'm losing my grip. I can't hold on much longer waiting for you to forgive me or whatever the hell you're trying to bring yourself to do. Just talk to me. Just go back to being yourself. I've been trying to give you the time of day while all this other shit is going on. Do the same for me. But you know. It's whatever. It'll all work out. Sometimes you have to let it work out on its own. I've been trying. Its hard to sit back and wait. I'm getting impatient I suppose. And so I blame myself for allowing myself to become stressed out. Mah bad. But I might not be myself for a while. And I don't want to hear the "Corinne, ALWAYS be yourself!" speech. Because that's totally overrated. I've talked to a few people about this. I'll be able to deal with it eventually. Give me time to sort out my priorities. Don't worry about me. This place? Earth? Yeah. This place is fucked. No one's safe. Be careful, okay? You could find you have gotten yourself into a pickle. And it might be too late to get out. I'll be thinking about all of you. Not just three of you. All of you. Don't drink the water, Corinne. "Don't drink the water. There's blood in the water." | 
