Realization hit me this morning.
They’re breaking ground for our house Monday…. Monday? Wow. An otherwise stressful yet boring day of the week has just became the second most holy day in my year. On Monday they will start digging our basement and preparing the foundation for our home. Ours. What an amazing feeling. It’s like the waiting for your graduation day from being a crazy youthful punk into a responsible adult. It’s like getting your first apartment only on a larger scale… it’s your OWN to do with as you please… to paint, decorate… destroy… the feeling is unmatched when it is your house that you worked so hard for. To watch it being built for you… they’re building it just for you!
I’m amazed. It seemed like it took forever for them to get into gear but at the same time… so soon?
We now have 6 canned lights in the basement (adding dimmer) and 4 new outlets. Finishing the electric tonight. We’ve got a whole crew of our friends coming over Saturday to do drywall… no seriously, it’s getting done.
A couple days ago our Zach came over…. He said that something had run under our deck and screamed. Me being Mrs. Nature Lover, I throw on my Skechers and take off out the back door to see if I can save it.
I lay on the ground and look under our deck…. Nadda… So I look over at Lynley’s deck. I suppose it could have gone through our lattice and into hers… so I crawl over to peer under her deck. I look towards the back and see nothing at first. My eyes readjusted to the light and I saw a mostly white cat (with orange and grey smears) sitting almost directly under her back door.
Ok, so it’s a cat… cat’s don’t scream… they screech. What screams? Vanessa suggests that it could have been a skunk but I rule that out after the lack of smell and a relatively calm feline chilling. I continue to look around through the lattice to see if there was any sign of “remains” but I see nothing. So as I start to back away… my eye catches movement… no more than 3 feet away from my face (on the other side of the lattice) was a rabbit! It was nursing a paw but seemed completely oblivious to my being there. (note: our rabbits in the back yard aren’t too cool with humans)
I run back inside to grab the camcorder. I rush out to find the rabbit in the same spot that I left it. Toby, Abby, Lori & Vanessa are watching and the rabbit doesn’t seem to care about the dogs… worse things to worry about I guess. I record the rabbit through the lattice. Finally I decide that I have to get the cat out BEFORE I get the rabbit out. So I open the gate to Lynley’s “yard” and walk in. I can’t see any way for someone my size to get under the deck so I throw stones at the cat and walk on the porch to flush the cat out. Of course the rabbit is terrified and tries to hide under the steps. Eventually, with Vanessa’s guidance (I couldn’t see the rabbit) we flushed it out into the yard.
Vanessa ran for a box while I tried to soothe the frightened rabbit (mostly by staying away) She brought the box (thanks Vanessa!) and I “chased” the poor bunny around as (she?) flopped desperately to get away. I felt AWFUL! I know it must have hurt to try to run with a bad paw/leg. Finally I scooped her into the box and she relaxed. Shock is crazy.
Now I finally get a chance to look at the damage. I know right away that it isn’t going to make it by the wounds and the skin pealed away from the muscle. Obviously some internal bleeding as well in some areas. The cat had left it alone to rest because it wasn’t hungry… it was only a game. Now, I’m an avid cat lover.. I love cats… they have wonderful personalities and most are as loyal as dogs (if only to one person) But I can’t stand a game of killing. If I thought the cat would finish the job… I’d have let nature run it’s course. Can’t just walk away from something like this.
So I take the poor creature onto my deck… I try to flush out some of the wounds with water, she drinks a little then sticks her nose in it. Awwww! Vanessa grabs some lettuce and celery from her kitchen as well as some grass on the way though… we leave it for the rabbit with the box on it’s side so that she could leave any time she wanted.
I decided that if she was there and alive the next morning I’d either let her go or call wildlife rescue. I checked on her a few times during the night. She moved very little… took some time to clean her paw and rested. At least she had a dark “safe” place to be for the moment hopefully she could relax a bit.
6 In the morning I came out to see how she was doing and what I should do before work. I walk out on the deck with the camcorder… at the point that I was recording I mention that I thought she didn’t make it. (big surprise, huh?) She wasn’t moving so I cut the recording and thought about what I’d do with her. I touched the box and she twitched… I saw her light breathing and was both saddened and relieved at the same time… but what to do?
Realizing that she was TRULY on her way out the door… I did the only moderately humane thing I could do. I wiggled her little head back into the box and carried it across the damp field to the tall grass. Looked for a decent place to put her and very gently slid her out of the box and onto the tall grass where she took a moment to try to get comfortable. Poor thing was too weak to even right herself. I looked to the left and the sky was purple with the coming dawn. Said a blessing… told her that she was in the Mother’s arms now and walked silently away. At least she was now in the comfort of her own environment when she goes.
I didn’t go back… I didn’t want to.
It’s odd. Several years ago I’d be torn up inside because I could not save the rabbit. That day, I felt no true remorse. Odd for me. I guess it comes with the age and experience. Come on, I think something changes inside you when you burry all 4 of your grandparents over the course of 4 years. Death is necessary for life to go on I suppose… we don’t have to like it but we don’t have to dwell on it either. I guess it DOES get easier as you become more detached from death and more attached to life. Years ago I’d be bawling my eyes out right now over a rabbit… one rabbit… one that I couldn’t save. I didn’t shed a tear and I didn’t get depressive over it. My life moved on.
The only reason I’m typing this is because I think that it was necessary for the world to realize that it’s hard to lose someone you love or something that you care about… even a random rabbit that ran under your deck… death is only death… nothing more. Most of the time we can’t stop it and we fear it because of this. Mortality is only life. There is no reason to go about your life moping about someone or something that died. Your life goes on, life does that. If you spend your time worrying about this person being dead or that person… you aren’t living your life.
I used to cry at night over the house fire that took my cat, Neko. I sometimes cried about losing my grandparents… what hurt the most was the fact that I wasn’t there to say “good bye” when they left. I used to cry when I thought about the fact that there would be no more long walks with Grandpa Reed through the hills, parks and caves of Hocking County, no more delicious pie making and singing with Grandma Foltz, no more of that amazingly potent grape wine that my Grandpa Foltz used to make and let me drink behind everyone’s backs, no more huge dinners with fried chicken, spiced ham, huge bowls of real mashed potatoes and assorted canned goods by my Grandma Reed. I used to cry a lot about missing those things and people…
Losing them helped me to learn how to live without remorse. Live without thinking about loss every day. That rabbit just made me understand that this is what happened.
In a few years I’ll be welcoming another life into this world to watch and teach all of those wonderful things that I miss doing with my Grandparents and I’ll always help nurse the small furry injured animals it brings in and I will teach about life… and death as best as I can do.
Monday, they break the ground for our house, our life… | 
