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LuvKevi4EvEr
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Name: Kevin, Kevi, Kevon
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 3/3/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: basketball, praising God, playing guitar, singing, writing jourals
Expertise: awkward moments
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
AIM:  RanCor161314
Jabber: KKuo3@uic.edu
Member Since:
9/6/2003
 Lifetime
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| The last traces have been erased...
I found out that my voicemail doesn't keep saved voice messages around forever. It automatically deletes them after several months. I realized that when it deleted a voice mail from Noelle that I had saved. Electronics... once things are erased or reformated, it is as if the thing hand never existed in the first place. Can human interactions be the same? foRgEt.... | | |
| All of us have made mistakes. When we look back... what could lead us to do such things? I don't think many of us intentionally do bad things while feeling guilty and knowing that it's wrong. I'm sure that most times, in the moment, it starts with an "innocent" mistake. Maybe we just weren't thinking. Caught in the moment, or maybe lacking discernment and foresight, we don't see the consequences of our actions. We don't think about how what we do can end up hurting others or harming ourselves.
But as the events unfold, we start realize how wrong things are going. Realizing that we've made a mistake, what do we do? During this time, do we even remember those who love us, those who promised to be there for us and bail us out no matter what trouble we got ourselves into? Maybe. Why do we not call out for help to someone who we know we can trust? Maybe it's just easier to try and tough it out ourselves. In the end, it's much easier to depend on ourselves than on others, isn't it? We don't have to admit that we messed up. We don't have to admit to others or even to ourselves that we are helpless to help ourselves... We tell ourselves that we are in control of things, and all the while the situation gets worse and worse...
In the wake of our mistake, what do we do? Seeing the harm that we've done to ourselves or others, seeing how others can be hurt, angry, upset, or disappointed, what do we do? Even now, it's easier to cover up our mistakes with more lies and mistakes than to turn back. Before we realized it, we went from a careless decision to intentionally violating our consciences to cover up our mistakes. We've become someone we're disgusted with, and the weight of our sin suffocates us. If we continue down this path, it won't be long before the guilt of lying and doing what we know is wrong fades away... and our hearts become numb and rooted in evil. Why?? If only we had given more thought before initially acting. If only we had cried out for help and trusted in someone who loves us during our time of need. Even in the aftermath, hard to admit that we messed up. How much do the people who told us they love us really love us? It's hard to believe that they can love us even now, if they knew how badly we messed up. Too ashamed or maybe too afraid, we again reject the love that has been offered to us...
When will we learn... to trust in the love that has been given to us? When will our hearts become so overwhelmed by the depth of pure love that we will trust and not turn to ourselves? If only we realized that in the face of perfect love, we don't have to be afraid or ashamed of our sins... because perfect love drives out all fear.
I have messed up so many times, and broken God's heart so many times. Every time, I've been stubborn in trying to handle things myself. Again and again I sin against God, and yet he forgives me, and lets me break his heart as many times as it takes for me to realize he loves me and finally trust in his love. It is for this reason... that I will love and forgive others who have hurt me... as many times as it takes for the Lost to embrace God's love.
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| It's a beautiful day; only slightly warm of perfection. The kind of day that makes me want to spend it outside throwing a football or frizzbe or something with friends... Or maybe laughing and sipping iced tea with friends under the shade. It'd also be a nice day to run, if I had a running buddy. Or maybe fishing or walking along the beach with someone...
It's sort of strange. It's strange that I would require people in order to maximally enjoy a nice day. I seems I tend to start thinking in such ways after I've isolated myself for a while. Maybe it's because I've forgotten how complicated, painful, and messy things can be when other people are involved. I told myself that I would use all the time God has given me, whether alone time or time with others, to grow in strength and sanctification. I don't mean just instances of being alone or with others, but rather seasons. I seem to go through seasons in life when I share a deep connection with one or a few people, as well as hermit phrases. All for the glory of God, I suppose.
Next time it's a beautiful day, if I don't have to study, I'm going to go on a prayer run devotional. 
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| I just finished writing a 21 page paper. That's the longest paper I've ever written. And the craziest thing is... I did so 4 days early, and without having to pull all-nighters, pulling my hair out, or contemplating suicide. Wow... I feel so accomplished.  | | |
| So yesterday, me, Doza, and Dan Lee chilled at Doza's place and took a spiritual gifts assessment test. Even though the test was inherently flawed because it was catholic (just kidding...) it identified me as having the gift of counseling and teaching. Pretty cool. Anyways, afterwards we went to eat at Chi Cafe. We ended the night by grabbing ice cream and watching "The Two Faces of My Girlfriend" at the condo. It wasn't untill too late that I realized the situation I had gotten myself into: three guys, a chick flick, and ice cream. Shamefull... -_-'
Anywho afterwards I went to play poker with Clint, Tim Jiang, Jerry, Pat Lok, Matt Yap, Vince, Joe Song, and Frank Tung... and... lost $5 quick. By the time poker was over it was already late into the night but I chilled for a bit longer at Tim and Jerry's room before going home. I got home around 4AM and decided to make some ramen and dumplings in a small rice cooker in my room while cozying up in my bed and reading Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris. The consequence... waking up really late today (around 3PM) and not getting to school until 4PM. I came to school to study at the library, only to realize they close at 5PM on Saturdays. rawr... I guess this is what happens when you spend the last 4 years in anywhere else except the library. Seriously I didn't even know the place had stairs until this year. Anyways... time to get back on track and go super crunch time here in the dorms with John Huang. | | |
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