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in every big decision i've made, in every new adventure i've embarked upon, i've always approached the situation with a very open mind and heart, or so i thought. i usually make a list of pros and cons when i'm trying to make a decision, or looking ahead to something that has potential to turn into something larger than it first seems. typically the pros outweigh the cons. i can't recall one situation where the con list has been longer.
this is probably because every decision i've made has benefited me. there's always something in it for me; thus the longer pro list.
mostly i enter new opportunities with an attitude of someone willing to learn and be changed. i often say "well what do i have to lose?" and i quickly find that a little pride, and a lot of sleep are worth the loss, even if it doesn't seem that way in the moment. in my mind, facing new challenges and growing in character is a huge pro, even if that means pain along the way.
the other thing about discovering these new opportunities is that i've usually had a large amount of control in the situation. when i was a teenager i figured out that my life is all about the choices that i make, and i am therefore responsible for much of the outcome of my entire life. so maintaining a control over choices and circumstances in my life has always been extremely important to me.
but my latest venture has been testing me, and it hasn't technically begun yet. for the first time i feel completely out of control, and its really stressing me out. on one hand i realize i chose this, i pursued it, then i committed to it, and now most of it is out of my hands.
i realize that God is probably testing me. i don't mean to sound like i'm completely self-sufficient, because my faith in Christ's ultimate purposes for my life and my reliance upon his strength, grace and mercy always play a big part in everything i do.
but it's a constant process that never gets easier, and swallowing my pride in this instance is quite a bit harder than it's been...at least for a while.
oh the growing pains...may they never cease!
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| | Posted 3/18/2008 10:42 PM - 1 comments
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